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Wife Left Country, Now Husband Refuses Divorce Unless Paid

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  • 09-08-2013, 11:22 PM
    LittleWhoadie
    Wife Left Country, Now Husband Refuses Divorce Unless Paid
    My question involves a marriage in the state of: Kansas.

    I have a family friend living in Hungary. She is a medical student. 2 years ago she met another student studying at her university who was from Kansas. Long story short, she ended up moving to the USA to marry him.

    The marriage did not work out - there was no abuse, it was simply she realized they had drastically different ideas on careers and children that were contrary to what he initially led her to believe (he wanted a housewife, she wanted to continue her medical career. She wanted kids, he did not). So 1 year ago she left the USA to return to her family and school and is currently continuing her studies. Originally he was supposed to follow and they were going to make a go of it in Hungary, but that never happened.

    After she realized he was not coming, she pushed for a divorce. He initially resisted, then he said he accepted but needed time to take care of all the details, and for the last few months has become more belligerent about the issue and in the last few weeks has demanded $40k to cover his expenses during her time here (since she was a home maker and not working). He also threatened that she is liable to pay half their debt including mortgage, car payment, etc (no debt was incurred during the marriage, it was all existing prior to).

    She is not sure how to proceed, especially as a student she has minimal income, and no money for hiring a lawyer at this time. There is a minor complicating factor that there were some credit cards in their mutual name that she returned to him, but he has refused to return her property (mostly just clothing and some personal items).

    She does not want anything in the divorce except her belongings she brought to the USA. She does not want any marital property, spousal support/alimony, nothing.

    I had suggested she might want to play hardball back with him and let him know that "technically" she could ask for an equitable division of marital property, but that she would agree to waive that in exchange for return of her belongings. I also suggested she should get something from him (and confirm) that her name is no longer on any bank or credit accounts, etc.

    Does anyone have any advice? Would she be entitled to a portion of the marital property from a single year of marriage when she was not working? Again, she has no desire for any money - just a divorce and return of her property, but is hopeful that her husband - realizing she knows her rights and what she is entitled to - will be more amenable to settling for a mutually agreeable divorce including simple return of her personal belongings and agreement to remove her from any joint accounts.
  • 09-09-2013, 03:49 AM
    llworking
    Re: Wife Left Country, Now Husband Refuses Divorce Unless Paid
    Quote:

    Quoting LittleWhoadie
    View Post
    My question involves a marriage in the state of: Kansas.

    I have a family friend living in Hungary. She is a medical student. 2 years ago she met another student studying at her university who was from Kansas. Long story short, she ended up moving to the USA to marry him.

    The marriage did not work out - there was no abuse, it was simply she realized they had drastically different ideas on careers and children that were contrary to what he initially led her to believe (he wanted a housewife, she wanted to continue her medical career. She wanted kids, he did not). So 1 year ago she left the USA to return to her family and school and is currently continuing her studies. Originally he was supposed to follow and they were going to make a go of it in Hungary, but that never happened.

    After she realized he was not coming, she pushed for a divorce. He initially resisted, then he said he accepted but needed time to take care of all the details, and for the last few months has become more belligerent about the issue and in the last few weeks has demanded $40k to cover his expenses during her time here (since she was a home maker and not working). He also threatened that she is liable to pay half their debt including mortgage, car payment, etc (no debt was incurred during the marriage, it was all existing prior to).

    She is not responsible for his premarital debt.

    Quote:

    She is not sure how to proceed, especially as a student she has minimal income, and no money for hiring a lawyer at this time. There is a minor complicating factor that there were some credit cards in their mutual name that she returned to him, but he has refused to return her property (mostly just clothing and some personal items).
    She would be responsible for 1/2 of the credit card debt accrued during the marriage. (the balances remaining on the cards)

    Quote:

    She does not want anything in the divorce except her belongings she brought to the USA. She does not want any marital property, spousal support/alimony, nothing.
    Good because she would not be entitled to any spousal support/alimony after such a short term marriage...and she would only be entitled to 1/2 of marital assets that accrued during the marriage, which is probably little to nothing.

    Quote:

    I had suggested she might want to play hardball back with him and let him know that "technically" she could ask for an equitable division of marital property, but that she would agree to waive that in exchange for return of her belongings. I also suggested she should get something from him (and confirm) that her name is no longer on any bank or credit accounts, etc.
    There is nothing for her to play hardball about.

    Quote:

    Does anyone have any advice? Would she be entitled to a portion of the marital property from a single year of marriage when she was not working? Again, she has no desire for any money - just a divorce and return of her property, but is hopeful that her husband - realizing she knows her rights and what she is entitled to - will be more amenable to settling for a mutually agreeable divorce including simple return of her personal belongings and agreement to remove her from any joint accounts.
    She could file for divorce in Hungary. She doesn't need to file for divorce in the US and maybe should not since her soon to be ex is being so difficult about things. However, realistically she can probably kiss those personal belongings goodbye. If he hasn't already thrown them away the cost of getting them back would be prohibitive.
  • 09-09-2013, 01:13 PM
    LittleWhoadie
    Re: Wife Left Country, Now Husband Refuses Divorce Unless Paid
    Quote:

    Quoting llworking
    View Post
    There is nothing for her to play hardball about.



    She could file for divorce in Hungary. She doesn't need to file for divorce in the US and maybe should not since her soon to be ex is being so difficult about things. However, realistically she can probably kiss those personal belongings goodbye. If he hasn't already thrown them away the cost of getting them back would be prohibitive.


    I don't see what you mean by "there is nothing to play hardball about". She is entitled to a portion of the marital property (which would include an interest in their home, in his retirement accounts, bank accounts, etc), isn't she? That amount may be small, but so is the cost of sending her personal belongings to her (which include family photo albums, etc).

    Telling her to kiss the personal property goodbye and that she has no grounds to "play hardball" seems like bad advice and not in her best interests.

    If she filed for divorce in a foreign country, how would that work? How would a foreign country court handle Kansas divorce law? And how would the divorce then be recorded in Kansas?
  • 09-09-2013, 01:37 PM
    Dogmatique
    Re: Wife Left Country, Now Husband Refuses Divorce Unless Paid
    It's not bad advice at all.

    It's realistic advice.

    Not everything is going to be decided based on what's in her best interest. There were two people in the marriage ;)
  • 09-09-2013, 02:46 PM
    llworking
    Re: Wife Left Country, Now Husband Refuses Divorce Unless Paid
    Quote:

    Quoting LittleWhoadie
    View Post
    I don't see what you mean by "there is nothing to play hardball about". She is entitled to a portion of the marital property (which would include an interest in their home, in his retirement accounts, bank accounts, etc), isn't she? That amount may be small, but so is the cost of sending her personal belongings to her (which include family photo albums, etc).

    Telling her to kiss the personal property goodbye and that she has no grounds to "play hardball" seems like bad advice and not in her best interests.

    If she filed for divorce in a foreign country, how would that work? How would a foreign country court handle Kansas divorce law? And how would the divorce then be recorded in Kansas?

    The foreign court would not handle the divorce under Kansas law, they would handle the divorce under the laws of that country. The divorce doesn't need to be recorded in Kansas. The foreign court would have no jurisdiction over property located in the US, but it would get her divorced without having to deal with his outrageous demands.

    They were married for one year. How much equity accrued in the home during that one year marriage? She would only be entitled to 1/2 of that. How much money did he deposit in his retirement account during that one year period? She would only be entitled to that. Then, those amounts would be offset by any debt that accrued during the marriage (ie the joint credit cards), and would be offset by what she had to pay her attorney in KS to handle the case for her. She might easily end up in a negative position.

    I really do understand that she would like to have her personal property back. However, she left a year ago. Since he appears particularly jerky those items might already be long gone.
  • 09-09-2013, 03:55 PM
    LittleWhoadie
    Re: Wife Left Country, Now Husband Refuses Divorce Unless Paid
    Quote:

    Quoting llworking
    View Post
    The foreign court would not handle the divorce under Kansas law, they would handle the divorce under the laws of that country. The divorce doesn't need to be recorded in Kansas. The foreign court would have no jurisdiction over property located in the US, but it would get her divorced without having to deal with his outrageous demands.

    They were married for one year. How much equity accrued in the home during that one year marriage? She would only be entitled to 1/2 of that. How much money did he deposit in his retirement account during that one year period? She would only be entitled to that. Then, those amounts would be offset by any debt that accrued during the marriage (ie the joint credit cards), and would be offset by what she had to pay her attorney in KS to handle the case for her. She might easily end up in a negative position.

    I really do understand that she would like to have her personal property back. However, she left a year ago. Since he appears particularly jerky those items might already be long gone.

    Thanks for the info.

    Well, they have been married for 2 years. She left after 1 year, but as I understand, divorces are not retroactive, so any split of marital property would be based on the time of divorce, not based upon the date she or he last considered themselves married, right? I just think the marital property would far exceed the value of her personal items, so I don't think she should so easily give up her items as well as the marital property she's entitled to - exchanging one for the other seems reasonable. There has been no debt taken on during the marriage - the husband had a mortgage and a car, as well as a retirement/401k plan. No additional debt was incurred and there were no balances on the credit cards. However I am sure the equity in the home has increased, as has the value of 401k/retirement, and I would guess that value is far in excess of the value of her personal items.

    You say the divorce does not need to be recorded in the same place where the marriage was recorded... that seems counter-intuitive to me. Let's say she prosecutes the divorce in Hungary and it is approved, but nothing is recorded in Kansas. Doesn't that mean that under USA/Kansas law, he is still married to her? What if she decided to come back to the USA under a visa or re-marry another American in the future, would she not be considered still legally married to the ex considering there is a marriage on record but no divorce?

    Some online checking I did seems to indicate that, in order to be valid in Kansas (or any USA state), a foreign divorce must be recorded and must fall within certain circumstances (which this one appears to - such as one spouse living in that foreign country for a set amount of time). If the divorce would not be recorded in Kansas, then what would the point of getting it in Hungary be (considering that Hungary does not consider her married and has no record of such)?

    And if a foreign divorce was then recorded in Kansas, how is the property split then handled? Do they just record the divorce and ignore the property aspect of a traditional divorce? Or do they then take the property split aspect into account along with the fact that a foreign divorce has occurred?

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote:

    Quoting Dogmatique
    View Post
    It's not bad advice at all.

    It's realistic advice.

    Not everything is going to be decided based on what's in her best interest. There were two people in the marriage ;)

    From my understanding of the law, she is actually entitled to both her personal property from before marriage as well as half of the marital property. I don't see how advising her to walk away from both of those things is good advice, nor do I see how "there were two people in the marriage" somehow means she should lose both her marital property and her personal property. That does not seem realistic, it seems absolutely defeatist and a bad way to proceed, to me.
  • 09-09-2013, 04:09 PM
    Dogmatique
    Re: Wife Left Country, Now Husband Refuses Divorce Unless Paid
    She's been gone for over a year, correct? Do you think the husband may have declared the property abandoned?
  • 09-09-2013, 04:18 PM
    llworking
    Re: Wife Left Country, Now Husband Refuses Divorce Unless Paid
    Quote:

    Quoting LittleWhoadie
    View Post
    Thanks for the info.

    Well, they have been married for 2 years. She left after 1 year, but as I understand, divorces are not retroactive, so any split of marital property would be based on the time of divorce, not based upon the date she or he last considered themselves married, right? I just think the marital property would far exceed the value of her personal items, so I don't think she should so easily give up her items as well as the marital property she's entitled to - exchanging one for the other seems reasonable. There has been no debt taken on during the marriage - the husband had a mortgage and a car, as well as a retirement/401k plan. No additional debt was incurred and there were no balances on the credit cards. However I am sure the equity in the home has increased, as has the value of 401k/retirement, and I would guess that value is far in excess of the value of her personal items.

    You say the divorce does not need to be recorded in the same place where the marriage was recorded... that seems counter-intuitive to me. Let's say she prosecutes the divorce in Hungary and it is approved, but nothing is recorded in Kansas. Doesn't that mean that under USA/Kansas law, he is still married to her? What if she decided to come back to the USA under a visa or re-marry another American in the future, would she not be considered still legally married to the ex considering there is a marriage on record but no divorce?

    Some online checking I did seems to indicate that, in order to be valid in Kansas (or any USA state), a foreign divorce must be recorded and must fall within certain circumstances (which this one appears to - such as one spouse living in that foreign country for a set amount of time). If the divorce would not be recorded in Kansas, then what would the point of getting it in Hungary be (considering that Hungary does not consider her married and has no record of such)?

    And if a foreign divorce was then recorded in Kansas, how is the property split then handled? Do they just record the divorce and ignore the property aspect of a traditional divorce? Or do they then take the property split aspect into account along with the fact that a foreign divorce has occurred?

    - - - Updated - - -



    From my understanding of the law, she is actually entitled to both her personal property from before marriage as well as half of the marital property. I don't see how advising her to walk away from both of those things is good advice, nor do I see how "there were two people in the marriage" somehow means she should lose both her marital property and her personal property. That does not seem realistic, it seems absolutely defeatist and a bad way to proceed, to me.

    The US recognizes all foreign marriages and all foreign divorces. Almost all other countries also recognize all foreign marriages and all foreign divorces. So yes, they absolutely are married as far as Hungary is concerned, and yes, the US would recognize the foreign divorce. It would not have to be "recorded" in the US.
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