What to Do if a Child is Afraid of His Stepparent

You better believe I would be calling 911 as well if my daughter text me that she feared for her life. After I tell her to also dial 911 immediately.

Chede; I hear you.. I do.. and like I said.. if ANYONE else would have given me this scenario, I would have said "What, are you an IDIOT for not calling the cops!" BUTTTT.... I continued texting with her.. her Dad was with her.. her brother was there.. they were instructed that if the adults started fighting to get out of there. I don't know if you have any experience with abusers, I hope not, BUT.. she gets set off very easily - and if the police would have been called, she would have acted fine while they were there.. say "Oh, she's just being dramatic, all is fine!" and the cops would have left. THEN she would have lost her mind. The WORST part is even though my ex knows she's insane, he would never admit it to the police, because HE is afraid of her! Its a tricky situation.. the cops would not have done a damn thing - it would have made it worse. If they were not 5 hrs away, I would have probably handled it differently. You don't poke a crazy bear. Seriously! ** she has a cell phone, they don't know the address, they are never there, once a month, sometimes, if he feels like getting them, they dont' know what directtions to give.. its not a smart phone with GPS.. its an old crappy analog phone.. so the stepmother would have heard her calling the police and stopped her before she even got her name out.. I took both sides into consideration.. I did.. you can judge.. that's fine. I did what I thought was best for my kids.. I KNOW the cops wouldn't have done anything.. if they did everytime some kids said "I'm scared my Dad is gonna kill me cause I got an F".. that is all they'd do.

From your statements, dad is not protecting the children. Period. You are lucky you are not sitting at home wondering why you never called the police because of something that could have happened. And it has, unfortunately. Because the children are not being protected. Take EVERYTHING out of it (emotion, etc)... DAD IS NOT PROTECTING THE CHILDREN. PERIOD. While you are letting the children stand by and be emotionally (and physcially) scarred. I get where you are coming from, but I will also tell you that IT HAS HAPPENED. ... Break the cycle, get the kids in to a therapist (not just a school counselor) and tell your children to CALL 911 when it happens again, because you know it will and you also know that DAD will not do a darn thing to stop it.

Oh, I am.. getting them into counseling - and addressing those issues on our end here at home - and TRUST ME.. I thank god every day that nothing has happened there.. my issue is LEGALLY - we have a court order that says he gets them once a month.. although a few months ago when this all happened, he told the kids they did not have to come back to his house if they were afraid.. and now he is going back on that. If I don't send them, I can be held in contempt, which I'm not that worried about, but I don't want it to look bad when I do go to court. Everyone says they have no say (the kids) - and the only one that CAN protect them is Dad when they are there, and he won't. I just don't know where to turn. I can get statements from 25 people that my kids have told what goes on there - I have the texts - but I am afraid that Dad will say "Oh, the kids were making a big deal out of nothing" when he KNOWS it wasn't 'nothing'. It is very easy to say "Oh, I just wouldn't send them".. but I HAVE to.. its the law.. if he wants to exercise his right to visitation, then what can I do? - as for calling 911 - only phone in the house are cells - hers has no GPS.. I can tell her to call 911 - and I do - like I told my son when he was 8 and he'd be out riding his bike and come back to his house and they were gone.. note on the microwave - dinner in the microwave, hit start - be back later, went to Aldi (after 9 pm on a summer night).. EIGHT! - ahhh. I guess I need to get my documents together, go see my lawyer and see what I can do! I want the kids to see DAD - THEY want to see Dad.. they just don't want to see her - ever. But how do I prove all of this!?? I mean, they won't just take my word.. if that's the case, then every kid who gets pissed off at their parents could say "Oh, I am afraid of them.. I ain't goin back!"

** UPDATE ** after going through our pediatrician.. then the diagnostic center at our local Children's hospital, and then FINALLY to a Psychiatrist, they have determined that due to years of mental and verbal abuse by step mom.. and the fact that the child is scared to death that she is going to hurt or kill his Dad, they have come up with a diagnosis and treatment plan. I thanked the doc and said "Well, we are on the right track, at least until he has to go back to her house" and the doc said "Oh no, he is under MY psychiatric care for a condition caused by HER.. I will get involved, he is NOT to be around her". Can't wait to see how THAT goes over in court. (Note; he has not attempted to really reach the kids in months now.. I guess he made his choice)

I think you will have an interesting time in court.

Yeah.. I don't know WHAT will happen. He doesn't really bother with them a whole lot, and I keep track of ALL contact..

Update: In therapy.. issues getting better.. doc said he is NOT to be around step Mom. If Dad pushes it, SHE will go to court. She is convinced Dad is in an abusive situation and fears that he WON'T take do what he needs to do to protect them if needed. I'll let you know if anything happens!

The doctor is a mandated reporter. Why hasn't the doctor acted already?

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Quoting Dogmatique

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The doctor is a mandated reporter. Why hasn't the doctor acted already?

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I am not quite sure how to explain this...because its a little bit complicated (according to my sister who is a mandated reporter). Unless you are talking about a true criminal issue, where the perpetrator would almost automatically be arrested, or immediate protection is needed, there are some variables involved in mandated reporting. Mandated reporting is based on imminent danger to the child.

So, if dad was local, and was insisting on his parenting time, a counselor might have to immediately report and immediately get CPS involved...and local CPS would have authority to act...even if the counselor didn't feel that making an immediate report meshed with the child's treatment...or would do any good.

In this instance mom has indicated that dad has not made any attempt to contact the children in months now...so the danger is not imminent...and obviously mom is going to take steps to protect the children if dad attempts to assert his visitation rights. So the counselor might not be obligated to make any immediate report.

I am not at all sure that I have explained that well...sigh...because I am not entirely certain that I completely understood what my sister explained to me. However the gist of it was "imminent harm"...or truly criminal activity.