Expenses After Child Support Paid

My question involves child support in the State of: Tennessee

I presently pay nearly $1,500 a month to my ex to support my 2 girls and my parenting time is every other weekend. My issue/question: My girls are constantly coming to me with requests for clothes for school. It breaks my heart that I can't just buy them whatever they ask for or what they tell me they need, but financially I am just not able to. My questions is am I justified in feeling this way or is there a legal obligation to still purchase things after already supporting them through my CS obligation? When the girls ask for something from their mother, she often tells them to ask me to get it, which creates friction since she is already supposed to be making these purchases. My girls don't understand that I already give their mother the money to purchase these things for them and why I usually won't/can't make these purchases. Any adivce or support as to how to handle this? I'm feeling guilty and quite heartbroken that my girls are placed in the middle like this. Are there any support forums for Dads facing similar issues you might reccommend? Thank you for any help you might offer.

You were not court ordered to do anything more than to pay child support, so therefore, you don't have to do anything more.

I would not suggest mentioning your child support to the kids, however.

Thank you for your reply. Do you know of or reccommend any forums for Dad's who face similar issues or any online support groups?

I don't have any suggestions for forums, but I know my brother went through the same thing with his ex wife.

He was paying her $1,200 a month in child support for their one bio son (he also has two stepsons with her, who he raised). He had his son and stepsons with him every single weekend too, Friday through Sunday.

Yet she literally wouldn't even buy their son a pack of underwear, or socks. My brother ended up paying for all of his son's clothes, shoes, haircuts, etc., because his ex wouldn't do it. My brother could barely afford to feed himself, in the meantime. His ex ended up giving him legal custody of their son and one stepson (oldest stepson was an adult by that point) a few years ago, when she got tired of taking care of them.

I'm sorry you're going through that. What a shame that your ex is using your daughters as pawns, and making them suffer, apparently just to try to get back at you.

That's what others have told me they feel like the ex is doing. We can have the best weekend with my girls, but as soon as they get back with her, I get blasted no matter how great things went. It breaks my heart and won't allow my girls to do without if it boils down to it, but I also have an obligation to my girls to provide them with a comfortable place to come to when they are with me...and this is very difficult to do after the large child support obligation I have. I cannot "spoil" them like thier mother does with my CS $. They constantly say to me, why won't you get us things when we are with you? I finally had to break down and tell them "I cannot affort to take you shopping...Dad gives your mom the money to do that and I am unable to do both or else I couldn't have a home for y'all and groceries for us to eat when yo are with me." I have tried to not discuss this with them, but it finally became a necessity to help them understand the money situation and that I was just not doing my part and not taking care of them by not taking them shopping. It is the most difficult thing I've ever faced and I hope that one day they will truly understand how much I love them and how much I actually do to make sure they are well taken care of.

I just wanted to add....good for you for keeping up with the CS!! I haven't received CS in years, let alone my ex wouldn't even bother to pay for clothes. If I received $10 from ex, I would feel greatfull. I am sure there are support forums for dads, out there.

Google is a great place to start with respect to finding a father-friendly forum.

Yeah, that's got to be a tough situation to be in, having Mom be able to be the "fun" parent, who can treat the girls to things, while you can't. I have a teenage daughter, so I know how girls like to shop. It does feel lousy to always have to say "no" when they want something that you can't afford. I am married, but I've still been there many times, financially.

If it's any consolation, I think one day when your girls are older, and look back on their childhood, they're not going to care about the stuff you weren't able to buy for them, but they will remember that you were present and involved in their lives, and spent time with them.

My dad passed away 8 years ago. He worked hard, but never had much money when I was growing up. I'd still give anything to have him back right now, no matter how little money he had.

As far as keeping with the CS...it is my honor and responsibility to my girls and i pay payroll deduction and dont even use the system. $1500 a month wipes me out, but my girls are fed and clothed so i thank God for that. Wow you really nailed it with the mom being the "fun" parent and all. My girls are teen and pre-teen and shopping for cute clothes is a huge deal for them. Thank you for the consolation...I hope they really know how much I do and how much I love them one day. I know they know I love them now but one day they will really see.

Dad, hop on over to deltabravo.net :)