Really Bad Behavior Issues
My question involves juvenile law in the State of: ohio. I'm a step dad of 16 year old who has many behavior issues, from sneaking out at night, being out past curfew and just not listening, no matter how many times he is grounded he continually disobeys over and over again. Here recently his mom had to go out of town due to a family emergency so I was stuck in charge trying to keep him in line, which he listened to me even less being just the step dad who has only been in the picture for two years now, which now the wife is mad at me now cause she thought I could do more to keep him in check while she was gone. My question is being that I'm married to his mom, if she is ever out of town again, and he continuely disregards my authority could I press unruly charges on him if his mother is out of town? If not is there anything that could be done to keep him in line?
Re: Really Bad Behavior Issues
Where is this child's FATHER?
Re: Really Bad Behavior Issues
He is pretty much been out of the picture since he was a baby
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he lives states away, so he is not around to help
Re: Really Bad Behavior Issues
You know what this sounds like? A typical 16 year old who is crossing boundaries with a mother who is abdicating her parental responsibilities to someone else. Tell her to stop traveling and get hold of her child. She needs to parent. Sternly. I'm not sure if you're a parent or not, but only in this day and age do you want to call someone else to discipline your child. You want to put them in therapy for everything. You want to call the law and make them deal with your child because you find it too difficult to.
What you described is a child who needs PARENTING and has needed it far too long. What do you expect the police to do when you file an unruly on him and how is that beneficial?
Re: Really Bad Behavior Issues
I would discuss the following with mom (this is what my grandparents did).
- I had a strict curfew of 9 pm.....(unless I was working....then my hours were verified by phone calls to work, to either my department or my supervisor; and I had to turn over my paystub to prove my hours). 5 minutes late = grounded. I learned to get home 10 minutes early!
- Being grounded meant more chores around the house; no phone, no friends over. In this day and age, it would mean no cell phone, no computer, no friends over. I had to behave for so long to earn privileges back.
- That sneaking out issue....never good. Sex, drugs, booze. Before I moved in with my grandparents, my mom was the "cool party mom" and everyone snuck out, came over to my house to drink, smoke, and screw. I'm the only one who is NOT a 40-year-old grandparent.
Check Home Depot/Lowe's, they have fairly inexpensive window and door alarms for bedrooms. Remove any lock from the door.
- Mileage on my car was checked. If I said I was going to Meijer, there had better be 10 round trip miles on the car when I came home. That changed after a year of proving I was going where I said I was, that I was a safe driver.
Trust was EARNED.
I had a reasonable amount of chores: Mow the lawn, clear the driveway and porch of snow. Dust my room once a week. Sometimes cook. Take out the trash.
I do think the best thing for a rebelious 16 year old is the responsibility of a job - showing up on time, doing a great job. My grandfather opened a savings account for me when I was very young. At 17, I had purchased my own stereo system, a bass and amp, and had savings. Aside from responsibility at a job...I also learned the value of money.
Re: Really Bad Behavior Issues
Quote:
Quoting
era2167
My question involves juvenile law in the State of: ohio. I'm a step dad of 16 year old who has many behavior issues, from sneaking out at night, being out past curfew and just not listening, no matter how many times he is grounded he continually disobeys over and over again. Here recently his mom had to go out of town due to a family emergency so I was stuck in charge trying to keep him in line, which he listened to me even less being just the step dad who has only been in the picture for two years now, which now the wife is mad at me now cause she thought I could do more to keep him in check while she was gone. My question is being that I'm married to his mom, if she is ever out of town again, and he continuely disregards my authority could I press unruly charges on him if his mother is out of town? If not is there anything that could be done to keep him in line?
You need to tell your wife that if she has to leave town that she has to take her son with her. It is her duty to control her son, not yours.
Re: Really Bad Behavior Issues
I think a lot of people have a misunderstanding of how stepparenting works, and I think part of the problem here is that your spouse believes that her marriage to you would somehow create an authority figure in her child's life that would reduce his behavioral issues. Although we have very little background, my off-the-cuff impression is that your stepson viewed a week alone with you as a challenge. 'Mom thinks stepdad can keep me in line for a week? We'll see about that." Also, whether or not its his intention, if your stepson's behavior creates marital discord that can be rewarding to him in a number of ways, including distracting people from his conduct (your wife is mad at you, but it's your stepson who misbehaved) and perhaps restoring the dynamic of a two-person household. Also, when a parent expects a stepparent to take a primary role for discipline, it's a formula for resentment.
I think you and your wife, or if she's not willing you on your own, should consider consulting a good family therapist to learn some strategies for the next two years. You can discuss with the counselor whether you should try to drag your stepson in - but I'm not suggesting counseling in the sense of "how do we get to the bottom of the problem" or "How can I get this surly teen to open up," but more from an educational standpoint - learning actual strategies that might help, practicing them, reporting back with the progress (or lack thereof) and getting new ideas or refinements. Not all therapists can provide that kind of support - I suggest asking around and seeking referrals. If that's not a realistic option due to cost/insurance, perhaps your stepson's guidance counselor at his high school can provide some suggestions.