How frequent is this visitation?Quote:
Quoting Kayla88
And your daughter now believes grandma is her mother? Or not?Quote:
Quoting Kayla88
If the father is not obeying the court order, including having people with whom he leaves the child obey applicable terms of the order, you can consider taking the father to court to enforce the order.Quote:
Quoting Kayla88
It is fair for people to take note of the pattern in your life. It does not help you that you're trying to argue, "My ex- is not a safe person to be around our child," when you're dating somebody who committed essentially the same crime while minimizing his conduct.Quote:
Quoting Kayla88
If these are, as you suggest, issues of long-standing, you should have addressed them before the order was entered. If you chose not to do so, or did so and the court rejected your argument, then what had changed that gave you the idea you were free to ignore the court's order.Quote:
Quoting Kayla88
That's not what you told us that the court found. You say that the court found that you were not in consent because you only violated your informal agreement, as opposed to violating a court order.Quote:
Quoting Kayla88
You saw this happen, or this is what the child told you when you interrogated her after the visits?Quote:
Quoting Kayla88
You are free to suggest a neutral location for the supervised parenting time, although I'm not sure that you have (a) made a case for the visits being somewhere other than grandma's house, (b) have made a case for why a different setting would be better, or (c) have offered to pay the cost of the setting, if you're suggesting professional supervision.Quote:
Quoting Kayla88
You either raised your safety concerns in court, or you did not - if you did, they were considered. If you did not, they will not ordinarily constitute grounds to revisit the prior ruling.
Get real. If that claim reflects your connection with reality, it casts all your claims about the father into doubt.Quote:
Quoting Kayla88
And she was what? Nine?Quote:
Quoting Kayla88
My Daughter is Being Emotionally Mistreated
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08-12-2013, 12:45 PMMr. KnowitallRe: My Daughter is Being Emotionally Mistreated
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08-12-2013, 12:48 PMgamRe: My Daughter is Being Emotionally Mistreatedllworking, I don't know if you post on the other site, but I do and this poster here is over there posting.Quote:
Quoting llworking
The poster has some things in her story that do not add up, and now she is claiming in this thread she has a pretty comprehensive knowledge of law, again that is not adding up to what she has already posted on the other site.
The fact is her boyfriend is a Tier 3 sex offender and her little story to that does not add up to Tier 3 in Michigan. It's her story, even if her version is true, it does not erase the fact that her boyfriend is a Tier 3 sex offender.
Since I am in Michigan, and I do have some knowledge on how things go in Michigan, I was answering her on the other site. One thing I know for sure is she has little knowledge of law(even though she is claiming here she does), she has made big basic mistakes in her case and I don't think she has even been in front of the Judge yet. Her order seems to be have done by a Ref, and if that is the case, she blew that, because Ref's don't make orders, she could have objected to the Refs recommendation.
She also is claiming Mi has no grandparent laws, not true, she also is claiming grandmother's disparagement and misuse of her son's custody is illegal, not true. -
08-12-2013, 01:39 PMKayla88Re: My Daughter is Being Emotionally MistreatedQuote:
Quoting Mr. Knowitall
Answering your questions in order:
The visitation is every other weekend from 6pm Friday to 6pm Sunday. Transportation is split.
My daughter doesn’t necessarily believe her grandma is her mom. I have explained to her that I created her. Mind you, I wouldn’t have issues with her calling a stepmom “Mom.” However, with the grandmother, it is simply a part of the larger picture. With the mom thing, she tells my daughter to hide it from me, which puts my daughter in a hard place, naturally. Also, take note of the other behaviors I have noted (no rules, no discipline, and telling my daughter that discipline = not loving her). All of it together is upsetting and manipulating my daughter, which she definitely does not deserve. It's to the point where I have to convince my hysterical daughter that I really do love her every time she is disciplined, even something as simple as telling her to sit on her bed for a time out. I'm sure you would agree that there's an issue when it's gone that far.
I am currently waiting on a hearing to overturn the ref’s decision. I haven’t received a date yet, but was told that I am mandated to follow the ref’s order until it’s heard by a judge. We saw a mediator before the referee and that didn’t work. A ref has more power than a mediator does.
I can see a difference between the two people. The dad’s crime was AGAINST a child. My fiancée WAS a child and the girl was the same age as he was and in the same grade at school, not nine. Furthermore, my question has nothing to do with the dad. I wasn’t the one that requested supervised visitation and didn’t even know that he had been charged until the FOC sent me a notification for the mediation for the changed visitation to determine times and a supervisor. Circuit court was the ones that notified the FOC about the felony case, not me.. As I said, the father isn’t even present at the visitations. Grandma picks her up, my daughter stays at her house, and I pick her up at Grandma’s house. The dad never even shows up to visit her.
I was planning on going to the courts. I was doing my best to gather evidence before I did so that it wasn’t a he-said she-said. I was caught a bit off-guard, so that’s why I want to know how to go about it better so that I can hopefully win the appeal.
Her going to her grandmother’s to see her dad WAS our informal agreement. In 2010, the dad had my daughter alone and drove with her in the car while stoned. He got into a car accident. At this point in time, I hadn’t heard anything from my daughter or seen anything troubling about the grandma. I still trusted her. That’s when I started sending her to the grandma’s. I figured it was safer than the dad going after visitation and getting alone time with my daughter. Somehow, he never got a conviction on driving impaired. I have no clue why not.
The two times I spoke about, I saw directly. I refuse to “interrogate” my child. I don’t want to put her in the middle any more than she already is. It’s not good for her. I found out about how often because I told my daughter after the first time that her grandma isn’t her mommy. She told me that “Grandma tells me to call her Mom, but don’t tell her I told you because she said I can’t.” That raised a lot of red flags for me and that’s when I started taking her to a counselor to find out what was going on. They know how to find out if everything is okay without grilling her. The counselor is the one that told me how badly my daughter has been affected.
I requested that the referee either assign someone else as supervisor or go through the county supervision. Since he allowed overnight visits, though, professional supervision was out.
I realize that I went about this wrong somewhere. That’s the whole reason for posting on the site is to find out where I went wrong and how I can go about it differently. I really like the suggestion of bringing the counselor to court in person, which I will definitely do. If there is anything else, I would love to hear it. -
08-12-2013, 02:08 PMgamRe: My Daughter is Being Emotionally Mistreated
[QUOTE=Kayla88;733637]
Are you now saying you objected to the Ref's recommendation? Who told you, you are mandated to follow the refs order(by the way a Ref does not make an order, only Judges make orders)or correctly put, who told you, you are mandated to follow the Ref's recommendation?Quote:
Answering your questions in order:
The visitation is every other weekend from 6pm Friday to 6pm Sunday. Transportation is split.
My daughter doesn’t necessarily believe her grandma is her mom. I have explained to her that I created her. Mind you, I wouldn’t have issues with her calling a stepmom “Mom.” However, with the grandmother, it is simply a part of the larger picture. With the mom thing, she tells my daughter to hide it from me, which puts my daughter in a hard place, naturally. Also, take note of the other behaviors I have noted (no rules, no discipline, and telling my daughter that discipline = not loving her). All of it together is upsetting and manipulating my daughter, which she definitely does not deserve. It's to the point where I have to convince my hysterical daughter that I really do love her every time she is disciplined, even something as simple as telling her to sit on her bed for a time out. I'm sure you would agree that there's an issue when it's gone that far.
I am currently waiting on a hearing to overturn the ref’s decision. I haven’t received a date yet, but was told that I am mandated to follow the ref’s order until it’s heard by a judge. We saw a mediator before the referee and that didn’t work. A ref has more power than a mediator does.
Incorrect information, Refs as I stated DO NOT MAKE ORDERS, they only make recommendations, you follow an order, and you continue to follow that order until a Judge signs a new order. You do not follow a Refs recommendation, either party has x amount of days to object to that recommendation, the order that is in place is followed. Did you sign that Ref recommendation at the hearing? Cause if you did, then you do have to follow it, by signing it your agreeing to it and waiving your right to object, it still technically not an order until the Judge signs it, but once you sign it, you now follow it.
You need to start using correct terms and giving the correct information of what has been filed, what has been ordered.
Why would Circuit Court have FOC file a motion to change visitation? You claimed there was no visitation order, so why would it need to be changed to supervised if there was no order? More of you not correctly putting the information down right or using the correct terms.Quote:
I can see a difference between the two people. The dad’s crime was AGAINST a child. My fiancée WAS a child and the girl was the same age as he was and in the same grade at school, not nine. Furthermore, my question has nothing to do with the dad. I wasn’t the one that requested supervised visitation and didn’t even know that he had been charged until the FOC sent me a notification for the mediation for the changed visitation to determine times and a supervisor. Circuit court was the ones that notified the FOC about the felony case, not me.. As I said, the father isn’t even present at the visitations. Grandma picks her up, my daughter stays at her house, and I pick her up at Grandma’s house. The dad never even shows up to visit her.
Is it that you did in fact have a visitation order, it was not a set schedule but one that stated reasonable parenting time? Someone filed contempt against you because you said you were not found in contempt. You can't be found in contempt and the court would not have a hearing to find you in contempt if there was no visitation order.
Again get the information down here correct, cause you will only get bad advice back when ones don't have the correct facts and we do not at this point.
Oh lord now your stating an appeal was filed? Who filed that? Or are you talking about the Ref's recommendation that you may or may not have filed an objection to?Quote:
I was planning on going to the courts. I was doing my best to gather evidence before I did so that it wasn’t a he-said she-said. I was caught a bit off-guard, so that’s why I want to know how to go about it better so that I can hopefully win the appeal.
What you can do is start all over, slow on down, and state the exact facts slowly of what has gone on.Quote:
I realize that I went about this wrong somewhere. That’s the whole reason for posting on the site is to find out where I went wrong and how I can go about it differently. I really like the suggestion of bringing the counselor to court in person, which I will definitely do. If there is anything else, I would love to hear it.
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08-12-2013, 03:37 PMKayla88Re: My Daughter is Being Emotionally Mistreated
Ok, start to finish, every detail I can think of.
Child’s birth: July 2008. Father left when he found out I was pregnant and would not abort.
July 2008 – January 2009: Father saw child five times. All visits were scheduled by me after much persistence. He didn’t seem to care much, either. Daughter had acid reflux and he forgot to put her meds back in the diaper bag one time. It took him four hours of saying he would drop it off claiming he was doing something that couldn’t wait. I finally sent daughter’s godparent to get it. His “this can’t wait” turned out to be video games.
May 2010: Father drove stoned with daughter in the car and got into an accident. She was examined at the ER. No injuries. I started letting her go with grandmother instead of father for safety reasons. I erroneously did not bring this to court because I trusted the grandmother at this point in time. She has gone to grandmother’s ever since.
Summer 2011: I started noticing slight issues with grandmother. She was forcing herself into my decisions and attempting to sway me (such as preschool choices and whatnot). Also demanded school info so she could attend meetings and such. I was slightly put out about it, but at this point, I still figured it was just her caring about her granddaughter in a very pushy way.
November 2011: Got together with my fiancée. I called FOC because of the registry issue. They looked into his record and determined officially that he was not a threat to my daughter and that it was a non-issue. I did the same with CPS, just in case.
Winter 2011/2012: Issues with grandmother started presenting themselves. I started noticing that my daughter was terrified of being disciplined. She would ask why I don’t love her, even over something as simple as having her sit on her bed. I talked to her countless times telling her I correct her BECAUSE I love her. I asked her why she thought that and all she told me was “because grandma said so.” I also noticed that when grandma would pick her up, she would run up to her and say “Moooom!!!” When I corrected her, she told me that Grandma told her to and that she wasn’t supposed to be telling me that.
March 2012: Sat down with father and grandmother. I laid out all of my concerns including lack of rules, the mom thing, what she’s been telling my daughter, etc. They refused to change any of it, telling me that it’s his time and they can do and say what they want.
Spring/Summer 2012: Issues were continuing, though not particularly overwhelming. I requested several more times verbally and via text message that they stop doing that to my daughter. I also discovered at this point that dad was not showing up to visitations at all. My daughter was really sad after coming back from grandmas and I asked her what was wrong. She told me Daddy said he didn’t want to come see her. I’m hoping he worded it different than that to her, but it still had the same effect. I asked her a few questions and it came out that the most he would do is call her or say hi to my daughter if he brought his gf over to his mothers to ride the horses.
June 2012: father asked me to meet up for the first time in a long time. He told me he wanted joint legal/physical custody. I was shocked, since he’d never made an effort before and started asking him about motives and whatnot. Turns out, he didn’t want to pay child support anymore and wanted me to say daughter spent 50/50 time with him so he didn’t have to. I told him no. I also told him that if he started his visitations with daughter, making an effort with her, taking part in schooling/life decisions, and talking to me directly instead of through his mother that I would consider it in a year or two of consistency. He agreed at the meeting, but never happened, not even once.
August 2012: Issues seemed to skyrocket after I denied joint custody. I was noticing the same things as before, except magnified a LOT. I sat down again with father and grandmother and, a bit more vehemently this time, told them to knock it off. I expressed my concerns about my daughter feeling torn, as well as my relationship with her being attacked. Again, they refused, this time getting quite nasty about it. After the grandmother left, her father told me that he really didn’t care what his mom did because he hadn’t wanted my daughter to exist in the first place and that if I would have just gotten an abortion like he told me to, there wouldn’t be an issue. I did lose my temper at that point and told him (in between a few cuss words) that he could screw off and that my daughter was worth ANY issues.
August 2012: After that meeting, I started writing things down. I recorded every time the grandmother was the one to pick her up and not her father. Any time my daughter said something else to me that disturbed me, I wrote it down. The counselor was also telling me some disturbing things that she had gotten out of my daughter. She told me that she’s concerned because the grandmother is dividing loyalties. My daughter expressed more concerns about me not loving her because grandma said so. The counselor found out that my daughter has no boundaries there whatsoever. She tells her grandma what she wants to do and her grandma does it. Around this time, she started acting out when she would come home. She argued like crazy, called names, hit her brother, etc. My daughter has a natural sunny disposition and I never had these kinds of issues before. After a few days of being home, she would straighten herself out and go back to being her usual sweet, polite self. Every time she went back, it started all over again.
January 2013: I took everything I had collected to an attorney for a consult. I showed him my logs as well as the counselor’s statement. At this point, he recommended that I have her counselor come out and do a home visit to get in writing that my own home conditions are satisfactory, which they did. She found nothing amiss besides suggesting that my fence around our pool needed to be fixed in one spot, which was done two weeks later on payday. The attorney also suggested that I start gathering character affidavits, just for a bit extra to show the courts (hence why I suggested this in that other thread). Anyone that had noticed my daughter’s erratic behavior when she came home also wrote down their observations. All included contact info and said they would be willing to testify if necessary (I will be bringing her godparents with me to the appeal).
March 2013: After documenting the extra time the attorney had suggested, gathering affidavits, etc, I decided to stop visitation with the grandmother. At the attorney’s suggestion, I waited for the father to file for visitation as I expected he would. The attorney told me that I currently have no grounds on the grandmother because she’s not part of any legal visitation. He said that if the father pursues legal visitation and continues to give it to his grandmother, I could build grounds since that is where my daughter spends her required visitation.
April 19, 2013: Received summons for father-requested mediation meeting
April 19, 2013: Attended mediation. I was informed of the CSC case in this meeting. The mediator said that the charge info had been forwarded to them by circuit court. The mediator told father that because the crime had a child victim, that the FOC would not allow him to be alone with our daughter. The mediator asked us to pick a supervisor. I told father that I would accept anyone besides his mother. Father refused to pick anyone else. We did agree on the visitation schedule of every other weekend, but since we couldn’t agree on a supervisor, the mediator put in a request for a referee hearing. Father was instructed that until the referee hearing, he could come see our daughter at my house every Sunday. Father never showed up for a single visit.
May 17, 2013: Received notice of referee hearing
June 13, 2013: Attended referee hearing. I presented my concerns and paperwork to the referee and told him that I would be perfectly fine with any other family member besides his mother. The referee asked him if he would choose another so as to smooth the process. Father refused. Referee agreed to his mother (after noting my objections) and told me that if I wanted to change the order, I would have to appeal to a judge.
The exact wording of the order:
“Effective date of order and right to appeal: All provisions shall take effect 21 days from the date of mailing or personal service of this order unless a commencement date is otherwise stated. Either party hereto shall be entitled to a full hearing regarding these matters providing that a written objection is filed with the court within this 21 day period.”
The directives themselves, verbatim:
"Father has been denied parenting time, but the denial is not deemed wrongful as father seeks enforcement of a verbal agreement, not the existing order. Courts do not enforce verbal agreements. Moreover, father is currently facing CSC charges which gave mother obvious concerns. Pending further order, father shall have supervised parenting time with child every other weekend from 6pm Friday to 6pm Sunday. The first weekend shall occur Friday, June 14, 2013. Paternal grandmother is deemed adequate to supervise. Neither parent shall disparage the other parent nor allow anyone in the proximity of the child to disparage the other parent. Mother thinks that paternal grandmother refers to herself as "mom." Without a finding that this is in fact true, the referee offers guidance to paternal grandmother not to refer to herself as such."
The official mailed order was signed by both the referee and the judge (who was not present during the hearing). Ever since this referee hearing, grandmother has been the only one picking daughter up and spending time with her. Father has been completely absent. I have personally witnessed grandmother referring to herself as mom, twice. Daughter continues to act out. She continues to freak out of she is disciplined. Counselor says that the issue are still ongoing and haven’t changed a bit.
Lastly, we had no set order determining a visitation schedule. When paternity was first established, the paperwork simply stated that he had the right to reasonable time with the child and that if we couldn’t come to our own agreement that either of us could request FOC intervention to set a schedule. Besides, I never once denied him because he hasn’t asked to see her since the day she was born. It was always me nagging him…and then his mother nagging me.
I’m scheduled to go before the judge for the appeal on the 30th of this month. The FOC informed that I had to adhere to the referee order until the appeal.
Sorry for the length. :P -
08-12-2013, 05:01 PMgamRe: My Daughter is Being Emotionally Mistreated
Didn't help, your still confusing with your information. I'm not trying to be mean or picking on you, trying to help but it's very hard without understanding this, as what your saying is not what should occur.
You said that the order states you have 21 days to object, did you or your ex object? Then you say the official mailed order was signed by both the Ref and the Judge. Your also saying you go before the Judge on an appeal.
This is how this goes, you go before the Ref and the Ref hears the case and makes a recommendation. That recommendation can be signed by all the Ref, you and your ex and sent to the Judge to sign it as an order, did this occur? That recommendation can also not be signed by you and your ex at the hearing, the Ref will sign it, copies will be mailed to both parties, giving you your rights to object to the recommendation, did this occur? Did either of you object to the recommendation?
The only way you can have an official mailed order signed by both the Ref and the Judge is if you all agreed and signed that recommendation, or you both let the objection time lapse, which then the Judge would sign the recommendation and make it an order. You would then be mailed that, on that order would be your rights to appeal, but appealing to that would not be to the Judge in your case, it would be to a higher court.
At this time I am guessing the Ref made her recommendation, mailed it out, you objected within your time, hence the upcoming hearing before the Judge. You do not have an order, you have a recommendation, that is not an order, and you do not have to follow that, you follow the old order.
FOC can't inform you to adhere to the Ref recommendation(again Refs don't make orders), FOC can't give out any legal advice. It's a recommendation, it is not a court order, it is not legally binding. Either FOC is giving out some BS or your recommendation has somehow become an order.
All these words are very important to keep straight, recommendation, order, objection, appeal, you have to give the exact and what your giving does not add up and does not allow someone to give you proper legal advice here. It matters a great deal if this upcoming hearing is for an objection to a recommendation by the Ref or is an appeal of an order. -
08-12-2013, 05:17 PMKayla88Re: My Daughter is Being Emotionally MistreatedI am the one that objected to the order on the grounds that I want a different supervisor in the referee meeting and filed the appeal. The document says the word “order” on it many times. The title says it’s an Order. The line above the judge’s signature line says “order approved by:” In the text, it says “All provisions shall take effect 21 days from the date of mailing or personal service of this Order unless a commencement date is otherwise stated.” The word “Order” is even capitalized on the paperwork. The referee told me himself that I had no choice after he made a decision, but to appeal….and that I had to follow the order in the meantime. The FOC told me that if the word “order” is used, I have to follow it until the judge says otherwise. Was I lied to? I’m just as confused as you are. My signature is not on the order.Quote:
Quoting gam
I was a bit confused in the meeting, too. After the referee had established that I had not unlawfully withheld my daughter from her dad (because he wasn’t the one that asked, plus there was no visitation order in place at all, hence no violation), he said that he had the option to stop the meeting at this point because the original reason for it (the father’s denial compliant) has been struck down. Then, he went on to say that he likes to see resolution, so we’re going to finish this here and now instead. The only reason I can think of is that father’s day was three days away. Maybe? I have no clue. Either way, he continued when he technically didn’t have to. -
08-12-2013, 05:34 PMgamRe: My Daughter is Being Emotionally Mistreated
As for the rest of your thread, you allowed Grandma in your case, you have dealt with Grandma, stop, she is nobody, you don't have to allow her visitation, your dealings are with the father of your child. Tell grandma your done, you will only go through your ex.
Does this current recommendation or order(I have no clue to which you have)have anything about you dealing with setting up visitations with the supervisor? Does it mention anything on who is to do the transporting?
You drop the kid off or pick the kid up from grandma, the only conversation between her and you, should be any medical information needed and pass along meds that are needed for the visit, that is it, don't talk to grandma.
There is much in your thread with you trying to control things that you can't. Sad fact of split situations, your not in charge, the court is, you don't control, you follow the order and dads time is his time, and he has the right to parent as he sees fit. If you feel the child is in danger by his choices, then you file a motion and let the court decide, otherwise you follow the court order, and you don't go telling him how to parent, what to do and all of that. It will get you nowhere.
While grandma does not sound so great, you really need to quit communicating with her, and letting her crap get to you. She is doing most of it to get to you, it is working and she is eating that up. If you stop letting her know it bothers you, if you stop playing her game, she will eventually back off, it's not fun playing games by yourself. If she tries to tell you what to do with your kid, ignore her, don't respond, walk away, she had no right to give her imput, and you have no obligation to work jointly with her, she is not the other parent, she does not have joint legal.
It sounds like dad does not even have joint legal, so if you have sole, all decisions are made by you and you alone, you don't even have to discuss them with dad. It would benefit you and the child if you attempted to jointly discuss things with dad and to come to mutual agreements, but legally you can make those decisions yourself. Grandma has no part of that, you just ignore her, don't answer, not her business where your kids is going to school, keep your mouth closed.
Many kids come home from the other house acting up, even ones who don't have anyone filling their head with crap. You just worry about getting your kid back on your house rules as quickly as possible. If Grandma has told the kids we don't have rules because it means you don't love them, then you explain exactly why you do have rules and that punishments and rewards are to teach them right from wrong because you do love them, leave grandma out, don't mention her or what she says. You just stick to what you teach your kid normally. If done right this crap quickly stops affecting the child, if done wrong, you will add to it, you will be playing grandmas game and grandma will be so happy and playing even more. Never let the other side see you sweat, and your letting grandma see you sweat. -
08-12-2013, 05:47 PMKayla88Re: My Daughter is Being Emotionally MistreatedThat makes sense, thank you. I have two last questions. First, what about disparagement laws? Even the order says it's not allowed. I left my cell phone on record when we talked after the ref hearing and you can hear her saying that she won't stop what she's doing. Is that admissible? Second, any ideas on the best way to deal with this from my end? For instance, when my daughter freaks about me supposedly not loving her. I keep telling and showing her that I do, but it's not doing a whole lot of good. Is the counseling still a good idea or just kind of pointless? I just want to do what's best for her and our mother/daughter relationship.Quote:
Quoting gam
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08-12-2013, 06:14 PMgamRe: My Daughter is Being Emotionally MistreatedI honestly can't say why it says Order, it should not, but without actual first hand facts or seeing the document, I can't tell you, I just know something is not right here. No Ref has the power to make an order, however if you signed it that day, it could be an order, if you missed the objection time frame, it could be an order.Quote:
Quoting Kayla88
Once a Ref makes a recommendation, you do have a choice, you either accept that recommendation or you object and no you don't have to follow that recommendation, you only have to follow orders that are made by Judges. Again though I am not sure of what exactly occurred here in your case, because you seem positive you have an order, not a recommendation.
Ref's will do that, and they do that often when you don't have a lawyer. Technically the Ref should have stopped since you were not in violation. Dad should have had to file another motion to modify the current parenting time order. Refs function is to do whatever they need to, to keep this out of the Judge's hands, they will fudge things, make you feel like you have no choice but to accept their recommendation. It works, as most don't know their rights, don't know what the laws and rules are, are scared to death to be sitting in court. It's not how they are suppose to do it, but it is what most often occurs, at least from what I have seen. Once you don't object to the Ref's recommendation, then the Judge signs that recommendation into an order, it works as most just take what the Ref's recommendation is and think they have to and that the Ref is making an order and that they have the power to.
So now without knowing if this really is an order, I can't really tell you what you need to do at this upcoming hearing. It might be wise if you went and copied all documents in your Circuit Court file and have a consult with a lawyer. Many do free consults and it really would be worth your time to find out exactly what has gone on and what you have going.
Are you on the east side or west side of the state? Small county or big county? You can look up your county circuit court online, read everything on it. You should also look up your FOC handbook online and read that if it is there. If not look up the state model FOC handbook, it explains much of this well. All counties have to follow the laws set by the state, however there are separate court rules, each county can have a different handbook, and they vary on things. But there are certain things that are suppose to be done the same way and follow the same laws and rules.