Teenage Daughter is Refusing to Come Home

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: California

I have custody of my 13, almost 14 year old daughter. On the 7/26/2013 I let her mother take her to visit with some family and her mother agreed to drop her of on 8/6/2013. Now the mother is refusing to drop her off and our daughter is refusing to come home. I have custody of our daughter and the mother only visitation day is every other Saturday until Sunday and the receiving parent is responsible to pick them up. On Tuesday I called the local police department and talk with an officer that told me she is breaking are court order and I should fill out a custody dispute order. After I ask her to bring our daughter back and the officer was unable to get in contact with her, that is what I did. I also ask her to bring her home every day sense, after being told no and the mother telling me that she is going to live with her now I have fill out the same form and dropping them off everyday. Today the mother came to pick up our son so I called the police department again and ask what I could do now. I was told there is nothing I can do today, but tomorrow is my normal day to pick her and go and pick her up. I know my daughter is going to refuse to come back with me and I am not sure what to do about this.

Our daughter is grounded at my house for past actions that has to do with sex and drugs, to me it does not seem that the mother cares that she has done these thing and lets her go and do what she want and acts like what our daughter has done is ok. We also have a 10 year old son and he is seeing every thing that is going on and this worries me also.

What should I do?

I am going to fill out the paper work to go back to court and fight for both of them to live with me this week. But she clams that she has a lawyer and I can not afford one should I be worried about that also?

Go and pick up your child.

Go and get her. No ifs and or buts. She gets herself in the car. Otherwise, you'll need to file for contempt in court.

Do Mom and Little Miss understand that if Mom does not honor the court order, Mom could find herself in jail?

No the mother says that she has a lawyer and he has told her the our daughter can chose if she want to stay with her mother and not come back to my house.

balderdash.

Either she doesn't have a lawyer, or she badly needs a new one.

That's the plan but getting her in the car with out focusing her is two different things.

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Quoting Rob23

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No the mother says that she has a lawyer and he has told her the our daughter can chose if she want to stay with her mother and not come back to my house.

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Rule #1: NEVER listen to your ex about legal issues.

In this case, she's delusional. There is only ONE state where a teen can present to the court an affidavit of preference which constitutes a change of circumstances in and of itself, and it ain't California.

Ask yourself this. If she HAS an attorney, why hasn't the attorney communicated this to you?

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Quoting Rob23

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That's the plan but getting her in the car with out focusing her is two different things.

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You simply explain to Mom - not kiddo - that if she disobeys the court order, she could very well end up with only supervised visitation. At HER expense.

I think she's just telling me that she does because every thing that I have read is that she would have to take me to back to court before she could keep her.

And even if she did, she'd have to show a substantial change of circumstances AND that the change would be in the child's best interest.

"I wanna stay with Mommy" isn't going to cut it.

And even in the sole state where a teen can express a preference and have some semblance of a guarantee of being listened to, I believe that a 13 year old is still below the line.

Yeah I am not going to believe anything she tells me anymore and tomorrow I am going to go to the house to pick her up and have the police meet me thier .

Bear in mind the police likely won't do anything - they'll likely tell you it's a civil matter and to take it to court.

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Oh - and have Mom have her (non existent) attorney to put something in writing that gives a 13 year old permission to do what she's suggesting. A law, statute, some case law. An attorney should be able to do that, right?

;)

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Quoting Rob23

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No the mother says that she has a lawyer and he has told her the our daughter can chose if she want to stay with her mother and not come back to my house.

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Mom is full of it. Either her "lawyer" is an idiot, or, she's blowing smoke up your behind. MAYBE, if mom goes back to court, a judge will give the daughter some say as to where she stays, but that's a long "if."

That a good idea. Thanks. I know the police won't do much but at less I have a paper trial.

Actually I have a more practical, less antagonistic suggestion.

Ask Mom for the name and telephone number of her attorney. Since she apparently has one, it's only PROPER that you correspond via her attorney.

May I ask a question of you though? Other than this, how's your co-parenting relationship in general?

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Bear in mind the police likely won't do anything - they'll likely tell you it's a civil matter and to take it to court.

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That depends ... if mom is in clear violation of the court order and cannot articulate good cause to withhold visitation (and then she must comply with specific elements of the law which involve contacting the DA's office within 10 days and filing for an emergency custody order), the police can arrest mom for a violation of PC 166(a) and then turn the child over to dad anyway.

If the police are not inclined to act, they MIGHT forward a report to the DA for prosecution ... but, if they are not inclined to act, they will likely tell the dad to go back to court and seek an order for contempt from the Family Court.

Most departments will probably - at least - try to strong arm mom into compliance even if they are disinclined to make an actual arrest. But, if mom fails to answer the door the police will NOT force entry to seek the return of the child or to make the arrest under these circumstances.

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Quoting cdwjava

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That depends ... if mom is in clear violation of the court order and cannot articulate good cause to withhold visitation (and then she must comply with specific elements of the law which involve contacting the DA's office within 10 days and filing for an emergency custody order), the police can arrest mom for a violation of PC 166(a) and then turn the child over to dad anyway.

If the police are not inclined to act, they MIGHT forward a report to the DA for prosecution ... but, if they are not inclined to act, they will likely tell the dad to go back to court and seek an order for contempt from the Family Court.

Most departments will probably - at least - try to strong arm mom into compliance even if they are disinclined to make an actual arrest. But, if mom fails to answer the door the police will NOT force entry to seek the return of the child or to make the arrest under these circumstances.

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That's VERY good to know - California does appear to be different in many ways. Thank you :)

She will agree with what I say and then turn around and do something completely different then what we talk about. So now are daughter think if she does wrong at my house she can run to her mother and every thing is OK.

Okay - may I suggest you look into going to court and having the court order that communication be via something like Our Family Wizard?

It's not free (currently $99/person/year from memory) but it is absolutely priceless because the court can track your communication.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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That's VERY good to know - California does appear to be different in many ways. Thank you :)

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And, if there is a dispute as to who should have custody, the law in CA gives the police the authority to call CPS and turn the child over to them and let THEM sort it out. :)

If dad has a valid custody order in hand when he speaks to the police, then he may be able to win the day on this. But, he should also consider a return to court and inform the judge of her contempt - for the record.

If dad has no valid custody order in hand (or, all he has is a mediation report or some similar document that is unsigned by a judge) then things get wonky.

Yes one of the officers I talk to said that they will all handle it a little different. Also I talk to two different officers and they both said different things. The first one told me that are daughter is on my time and the mother is resposable to drop her off. The other on said it my responsablty to go pick her up.

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I have a court order that say she lives with me.

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I'll look into it thanks.

Unfortunately, few agencies provide specific training concerning a response to custody and visitation orders so an officer's response might differ from officer to officer and based upon his or her own perceptions, feelings, and interpretations. These calls/complaints tend to be rather common in some places and many agencies will dismiss them as matters to be handled in Family Court and not in a criminal one. My agency has a fill-in-the-blank form that we have complainants complete (typically when it is an allegation of a failure to comply and not when the parent is with the NCP and the child). We forward that form to the DA and the DA will typically place it into an inactive folder.

However, if we have a clear custody violation, NCP and child in hand, and no extenuating circumstances, we will take action then and there. I make sure that MY officers know how to deal with these matters ... this is not the case in every agency.

Having a clear order from the Family Court would be ideal, but that may take time and may not happen at all as the judge might simply say to go get her with the police in tow ... and the merry-go-round might continue!

Thanks for your help and taking the time to respond. I will find out how this goes tomorrow.
Thank you.