I Just Got Custody but Now Mom is Taking Me Back to Court

I agree that the fact you only saw your child THREE TIMES in the last TEN YEARS shows will almost certainly be seen as unacceptable coming from someone who is arguing the best interests of his child. Given you only had her THREE WEEKS, that is far from "settled in", and less time than one summer visitation. Being in the military and overseas is not an excuse. Deployed parents who actually care about their children do far better than that.

If mom is complying with the court requirements, odds are overwhelmingly in her favor of getting her child back, even more so if you show up in court unrepresented.

You've been given the legally correct answers.

Nobody here is going to tell what you want to hear - it's just not going to happen.

However, feel free to shell out for an attorney first thing in the morning.

Good luck.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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They CANNOT base custody on finances. Sorry. I feel for you, but even if she uses the taxpayers to support her child (which will eventually likely end up in your plate anyway), the court can't hold that against her.

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Taxpayers will be coming after you for some reimbursement.

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Quoting awaters76

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Dogmatique...I guess maybe I should have mentioned I didn't know of her existence for the first 5 years of her life. The other 5 I spent living overseas and in the middle east. I just returned here last year and kept in contact with her the entire time since I've known her and have financially supported her throughout. I appreciate your insight but im looking for help not your negative comments...so unless you have a solution to my situation you can stop commenting. I came here for help not for your harassment.

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You aren't being harassed, you just don't like the answers. Doggie was actually being extremely nice to you.

Best interests of the child is a legal term of art and what parents deem to be in the BIOTC typically varies drastically from how judges approach and analyze cases.

First off its not that I don't like your answers, I'm asking for help in defending myself and how to keep my child here. The only answer I got was Im a crappy dad and if she s complying with her treatment then she will be re-unified. As far as the crappy dad part I'm not using the military as an excuse. I spent the last year and a half getting her here and the 3 or so years before that I was actually deployed, back to back deployments to Afghanistan I think I had a 4 month break in between and I spent that time seeing my daughter. Before that I didn't even know she was alive. I also have two other kids that I have no problem being a parent for so I'd appreciate not having my parenting skills questioned when I have done what I can with the time I've had. If I could afford legal counsel I would have sought it out earlier.

I agree with the information provided to me from the one answer I got, it does look as if I have neglected spending time with my child and if the judge sees it that way then I'll take the hit against me, but my original question was asking for advice.

Once again...from the top:

No one said you were a crappy dad, only an ABSENT dad. What's going to be a MAJOR strike against you, no matter how you want to bend it. Over ten years, your child has spent more time with the checkout clerk at her local grocery store than she has with you. How much money or stability you have isn't nearly as relevant to the court as is the fact that mom is the parent who has been in the child's life all along. That carries MAJOR weight. That you didn't bother to find out that your sperm made a baby way back 10 years ago isn't mom's fault, that's on you - so the court isn't going to award you sympathy points for your "fire and forget" maneuvers. The type of stability that a JUDGE looks at is usually way different than the type of stability that PARENTS want the court to consider. As has already been noted, the PRIMARY goal of any CPS intervention is REUNIFICATION with the primary caregiver (that's mom) whenever possible. How do they determine if it's possible? They look at whether or not mom is following the case plan that has been set out for her. If she's doing what she's supposed to be doing, in a timely manner, and doesn't foul it up in some way, then reunification with mom is the likely outcome and any reunification would continue to be subject to periodic "check ins" to make sure that things remain on the up and up for a period of time. That's not a reflection on her being the best parent, or even an equally capable parent, or being able to provide at perhaps the same level as you, but it IS a reflection of the court giving intense weight to the parent who has BEEN with the child for their entire life. If you're worried about the child's future, you now know that she exists, and you have every legal right to be an active parent in her life, even if mom completes her case plan and reunification occurs.

What can you do to ensure a child you've seen less than a handful of times in three years stays with you: if mom follows her case plan to the satisfaction of CPS and the judge in the case, there really ISN'T much you can do about the situation. That's doubly true if you don't have an experienced family law attorney bulldogging the case on your behalf. Of course the opposite could happen too....mom could totally fail in her case plan, show little or no interest in doing what she needs to do for herself for the sake of the child, and then the door would be open for you to seek not only primary custody, but even to request that any visitation with mom occur with supervision if things like neglect or drug use are issues in the situation (which would likely turn into regular visitation in the future if she ever does complete her case plan and keeps her nose clean, with you retaining primary custody since by THEN, the child would have re-settled into a new life with you, and if mom hasn't gotten her life together by then, then it won't matter if she does so later - she's got a deadline to meet).

Bottom line is that CPS has drawn a line in the sand with mom. Until she either meets their requirements or they determine by time or behavior that she's not going to, you're in a holding pattern. Make the most of it and make up as much lost time as possible. Become someone your child can trust and talk to. If mom flunks out, seek primary custody. If she completes the plan and the child is returned to her, how significant your relationship with her remains is largely in your court.

It appears all you have done is been given permission to have your child pending resolution of moms case. If you had an attorney file an original custody suit or petition for modification a year and a half ago when this mess started, this may have turned out differently, and you may have had your child in your possession long ago.

Unless you currently have a Petition for change of custody with the court, and also have that set for hearing, the judge cannot and will not consider your request for custody at the hearing in two weeks.

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Quoting gator1

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It appears all you have done is been given permission to have your child pending resolution of moms case. If you had an attorney file an original custody suit or petition for modification a year and a half ago when this mess started, this may have turned out differently, and you may have had your child in your possession long ago.

Unless you currently have a Petition for change of custody with the court, and also have that set for hearing, the judge cannot and will not consider your request for custody at the hearing in two weeks.

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Thanks, maybe I'm reading into the paperwork I have but it plainly states "Order on Change of Custody" in bold letters at the top of it. You are right I probably should have sought out the primary custody when all this mess began but at the time. Just to clarify to AARDVARC I didn't squirt and go, the mother actually believed the child to be fathered by another man for the first 4 years of her life. It was only after that, that I was sought out. But I agree, seeing her 3 times in the 5 years I've know about her is unacceptable, but there wasn't much more I could do besides phone calls from the location I was at. The main answer I'm getting here is that I'm pretty much screwed because the mother has abided by the case plan. Despite the fact she can't support the child without government assistance. I did find this information from the Florida satutes but I'm not sure how or if it can apply to my situation:

409.2551 Legislative intent.
409.2551 Legislative intent.
Common-law and statutory procedures governing the remedies for enforcement of support for financially dependent children by persons responsible for their support have not proven sufficiently effective or efficient to cope with the increasing incidence of financial dependency. The increasing workload of courts, prosecuting attorneys, and the Attorney General has resulted in a growing burden on the financial resources of the state, which is constrained to provide public assistance for basic maintenance requirements when parents fail to meet their primary obligations. The state, therefore, exercising its police and sovereign powers, declares that the common-law and statutory remedies pertaining to family desertion and nonsupport of dependent children shall be augmented by additional remedies directed to the resources of the responsible parents. In order to render resources more immediately available to meet the needs of dependent children, it is the legislative intent that the remedies provided herein are in addition to, and not in lieu of, existing remedies. It is declared to be the public policy of this state that this act be construed and administered to the end that children shall be maintained from the resources of their parents, thereby relieving, at least in part, the burden presently borne by the general citizenry through public assistance programs.

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Quoting awaters76

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My daughter was taken from her mother by CPS about a 16 months ago due to substance abuse issues. After months of going back and forth with paperwork issues I finally got custody of her about 3 weeks ago.

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Where was the child in the interim? Somebody has been caring for the child for the past sixteen months - a relative, foster parents, somebody else?

This order is through the court overseeing the protective proceedings? It's a temporary order?

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Quoting awaters76

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I finally get her here and settled in and now I'm about to go back to court to determine if my daughter will return to the mother or stay here with me. I have custody now...but the mother is in compliance with the courts request--to some degree.

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So this is an order from the court that ordered removal from the mother's home, and is temporary in nature pending review of mom's compliance with a reunification plan?

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Quoting awaters76

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The only issue I have working against me is that I have only seen my daughter about 3 times and she's 10 now.

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And that's a big issue. What does your daughter want?

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Quoting awaters76

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I cannot afford a lawyer and I go to court in about two weeks.

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If you are serious about trying to win a contested custody case, it is advisable for you to find a way to afford a lawyer.

You're going to what court? The court overseeing protective proceedings? The custody court?

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Quoting awaters76

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Thanks, maybe I'm reading into the paperwork I have but it plainly states "Order on Change of Custody" in bold letters at the top of it.

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Believe it or not, I can't see that order from where I'm sitting. Tell us more about the courts and orders involved in your case.

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Quoting awaters76

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I did find this information from the Florida satutes but I'm not sure how or if it can apply to my situation:

409.2551 Legislative intent.

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It indicates you should support your child to the extent that you are able.

If every parent on surviving on welfare and/or child support had custody removed, can you imagine the chaos?