Ordered Not to Be Around My Child - Can She Run Away to Live With Me

My question involves a child custody case from the State of:
Okay, so long story made short. I was a young mom and made some mistakes. My daughter was taken away from me when she was 2. Her father recently brought me back into her life and things were going really great. Well, he got into some deep trouble. Since she was taken from me when she was younger, the state of Iowa says that I am not to be around her. She wants to live with me, but they won't legally let us be around each other. She is with a family member. She is 14, almost 15. Her dad is telling her that when she turns 16, she can go where ever she wants to. She says that she will just run away to live with me. I do not think that Iowa has legal emancipation laws for these kinds of circumstance. What can I do? Or what can she do?

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Quoting 2ndchancemommmy

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My question involves a child custody case from the State of:
Okay, so long story made short. I was a young mom and made some mistakes. My daughter was taken away from me when she was 2. Her father recently brought me back into her life and things were going really great. Well, he got into some deep trouble. Since she was taken from me when she was younger, the state of Iowa says that I am not to be around her. She wants to live with me, but they won't legally let us be around each other. She is with a family member. She is 14, almost 15. Her dad is telling her that when she turns 16, she can go where ever she wants to. She says that she will just run away to live with me. I do not think that Iowa has legal emancipation laws for these kinds of circumstance. What can I do? Or what can she do?

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I suggest that if you are ordered to stay away from this child that you do so.

Thanks for your reply. That was not my question. I was asking what should she do? Her and I both want to be with each other. What is the best route for her to take to be able to live with me?

There is nothing for the child to do. The best route for her to take is to listen to whomever is her legal guardian until she is of age and then she can do whatever she wants.

She doesn't have a legal guardian, just a temporary one.

I honestly thought that there were people out there who were all for the reconciliation of parent with their children. It should matter to people that parents make mistakes. I have learned from mine and have done everything that everyone has asked of me for 13 years and still I get nothing. And she is left to suffer. What kind of justice is that for her? She doesn't get either of her parents because the state is deciding her life. That is complete bs.

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Quoting 2ndchancemommmy

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She doesn't have a legal guardian, just a temporary one.

I honestly thought that there were people out there who were all for the reconciliation of parent with their children. It should matter to people that parents make mistakes. I have learned from mine and have done everything that everyone has asked of me for 13 years and still I get nothing. And she is left to suffer. What kind of justice is that for her? She doesn't get either of her parents because the state is deciding her life. That is complete bs.

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What is happening to her is YOUR failure, your behaviour was complete B.S. and you just can't decide that you are ready to be a good mommy now. Her living arrangements and her well-being are not your legal business. How and where she lives is up to her legal guardian - temporary or not.

Do you know me? Do you know what happened 13 years ago? No! Do not sit there and judge me based on your opinions.

I started this thread trying to get opinions on what she can do to get what SHE wants. This is not about what I want or what I feel would be best for her. She is the one who is telling me that she wants to live with me and that she is not happy where she is at.

If you took offense to what I have said in my posts, that is your fault. Nothing I said was to offend you. It is my opinion on the situation.

And for your information, I have always been a good mom, I have always put my kids' needs before mine. I was not the type of mom who was on drugs or partied or anything like that. I worked all the time. I took care of my kids. I just happened to make that one mistake that resulted in her being taken away. Not that any of this is your business. But, I am the one who started this post. So I am basically putting my business out there.

If only all parents would look out for what is best for their kids and not themselves.

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Quoting 2ndchancemommmy

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Do you know me? Do you know what happened 13 years ago? No! Do not sit there and judge me based on your opinions.

I started this thread trying to get opinions on what she can do to get what SHE wants. This is not about what I want or what I feel would be best for her. She is the one who is telling me that she wants to live with me and that she is not happy where she is at.

If you took offense to what I have said in my posts, that is your fault. Nothing I said was to offend you. It is my opinion on the situation.

And for your information, I have always been a good mom, I have always put my kids' needs before mine. I was not the type of mom who was on drugs or partied or anything like that. I worked all the time. I took care of my kids. I just happened to make that one mistake that resulted in her being taken away. Not that any of this is your business. But, I am the one who started this post. So I am basically putting my business out there.

If only all parents would look out for what is best for their kids and not themselves.

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She cannot legally make any decisions, so stop trying to encourage this. Your true colors are showing, lady. If you had truly changed you would definitely not be encouraging her to run away with you.

At the end of the day this is about you and what you want, not what is best for the daughter you dumped 13 years ago.

I feel sorry for this child.

Ok, so I first put this into a child custody forum, but somehow the title has been changed. I have never encourage her to run away to come live with me. I have told her that we have to do this the legal way. If people would read my first post, it says that her dad has told her that she could run away at 16. She gets mad daily when I tell her that we can't do things the way she wants to or at the pace that she wants to. She asked me today if I would do some research, so I started this post to get opinions. Apparently, this is not a site for people who actually have those, but for people who want to sit there and judge based on someone's mistakes.

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Quoting 2ndchancemommmy

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Ok, so I first put this into a child custody forum, but somehow the title has been changed. I have never encourage her to run away to come live with me. I have told her that we have to do this the legal way. If people would read my first post, it says that her dad has told her that she could run away at 16. She gets mad daily when I tell her that we can't do things the way she wants to or at the pace that she wants to. She asked me today if I would do some research, so I started this post to get opinions. Apparently, this is not a site for people who actually have those, but for people who want to sit there and judge based on someone's mistakes.

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I told you what legally can or can't be done. She is not a candidate for emancipation at this time. She needs to listen to her legal guardian. End of story. When she is of age, she can live where she wants.

Is there anyone around here with an opinion that actually matters?

How about anyone in this forum (since I was moved to this forum by someone else) that knows about Iowa law?

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Quoting 2ndchancemommmy

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Ok, so I first put this into a child custody forum, but somehow the title has been changed. I have never encourage her to run away to come live with me. I have told her that we have to do this the legal way. If people would read my first post, it says that her dad has told her that she could run away at 16. She gets mad daily when I tell her that we can't do things the way she wants to or at the pace that she wants to. She asked me today if I would do some research, so I started this post to get opinions. Apparently, this is not a site for people who actually have those, but for people who want to sit there and judge based on someone's mistakes.

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It's not a child custody question - you have no parent-child relationship with the child. Your original thread title was, "Emancipation vs Running Away - What to Do", so quite obviously you were talking about having your child run away. Her dad telling her that he would give her permission to live elsewhere was not telling her "she could run away at 16.". Not even in the same ballpark.

If your parental rights were terminated thirteen years ago, other than the court order stating that you are not to be around the child, you have no legal relationship with the child. You can bring a motion before the court that limits your access to the child and ask for relief from that order. If your parental rights were terminated that motion may have to be brought by the father.

It's not clear from what you write, whether you've been ordered not to be in the child's presence or if you've been ordered not to have any contact with the child. Either way, it sounds like you and the father have chosen not to abide by the terms of the order, so depending on the facts that may become an issue in any court proceedings relating to the order.

Finally, someone who is addressing the issue.

Ok, my rights were terminated 13 years ago. Last year, her father had talked to DHS and they told him that it was ultimately his decision whether he wanted to bring me into my daughter's life. She is the one who came to him about me coming back into her life and he thought that it was time for this. He got into trouble just a few months ago.

The state is not saying that I cannot be around her, they are saying that since he got in trouble and we did not have a chance to modify the order that for now she needs to live with a family member. I am allowed to see her. SHE just wants more than that. I know that kids at this age, they tend not to be happy with their current situations and always want more. They always seem to over-exaggerate the situations as well.

I am not worried about where she is living, I know the woman she is living with and she is a good woman. I was just wondering if there was anything that she can do since she does not want to live there? That's all. Thanks for the related response.

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Quoting 2ndchancemommmy

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Finally, someone who is addressing the issue.

Ok, my rights were terminated 13 years ago. Last year, her father had talked to DHS and they told him that it was ultimately his decision whether he wanted to bring me into my daughter's life. She is the one who came to him about me coming back into her life and he thought that it was time for this. He got into trouble just a few months ago.

The state is not saying that I cannot be around her, they are saying that since he got in trouble and we did not have a chance to modify the order that for now she needs to live with a family member. I am allowed to see her. SHE just wants more than that. I know that kids at this age, they tend not to be happy with their current situations and always want more. They always seem to over-exaggerate the situations as well.

I am not worried about where she is living, I know the woman she is living with and she is a good woman. I was just wondering if there was anything that she can do since she does not want to live there? That's all. Thanks for the related response.

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Here is your first post - your story has completely changed.

Okay, so long story made short. I was a young mom and made some mistakes. My daughter was taken away from me when she was 2. Her father recently brought me back into her life and things were going really great. Well, he got into some deep trouble. Since she was taken from me when she was younger, the state of Iowa says that I am not to be around her. She wants to live with me, but they won't legally let us be around each other. She is with a family member. She is 14, almost 15. Her dad is telling her that when she turns 16, she can go where ever she wants to. She says that she will just run away to live with me. I do not think that Iowa has legal emancipation laws for these kinds of circumstance. What can I do? Or what can she do?

My bad for the wording. I AM ALLOWED TO BE AROUND HER FOR VISITATION JUST NOT LIVING WITH ME RIGHT NOW!

If you were not so quick to judge everyone on this website, maybe people would actually listen to you.

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Quoting 2ndchancemommmy

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The state is not saying that I cannot be around her, they are saying that since he got in trouble and we did not have a chance to modify the order that for now she needs to live with a family member.

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So dad is in some sort of trouble (is this about incarceration?), the state (i.e., protective services) says that the child must live with a family member, and due to the termination of your parental rights you are not legally considered to be a family member. Dad can attempt to get protective services to change its mind about the family member restriction or, in the alternative, he can place her with a family member.

A child under the jurisdiction of protective services is not free to run away to live with somebody that has not been approved as a placement.

Ok, we tried to get her to live with my sister. They wouldn't even give that a second thought. I understand that it's MY sister is the possible reason. But we were thinking her because my neices and nephews were there to help her through all that she is going through. My neice and her are like best friends. What my daughter is going through right now and what she has been through her entire life is not fair for her. I just want what is best for her and it seems like I keep doing what is not best for her. Part of me believes that she is being taken care of really well where she is now and not to rock that boat. You know, but then she gets all emotional. She has not had her mother in her life and because I messed up, she won't get the mother she deserves. Just a part time one. Funny how I realize all of this after the mistake. I hope she can take what I will have to say to her about the living with me thing. Thanks.

She is allowed to live wherever she wants when she is 18. Not 16. 18.

It is simple, if a court has ordered you to remain away from her, YOU CAN GO TO JAIL for violating that order. If she runs away and moves in with you, you will not only be guilty of violating the court order, but also could be charged with charges related to contributing to her delinquency, custodial interference, or whatever laws in your state address such issues. The issue as to whether or not what the state did was fair is moot. Unless you can go back to court and get this order reversed, you are required to obey the court's order.

So, if she does run away and shows up on your doorstep, immediately notify the local authorities to advise them she is there.

When she is age 18, and if the order no longer applies when she is a legal adult, then you can spend all the time you want with her.

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Is there anyone around here with an opinion that actually matters?

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Translation: "Why won't anyone tell me what I want to hear, instead of giving me legally accurate information? You're all a bunch of meanie-poopie-heads!"

Is that about right?

Truthfully? We don't know you, don't need to know you, and really don't actually care about you. All we need to know is the information you gave us. That information is that the courts stripped you of your parental rights and issued an order requiring that you not be together.

Legally, you do not have a daughter. (Biologically, sure, but not legally.) Your rights were terminated, so legally you are a stranger to this child and if she runs away to be with you, you WILL find yourself in water of the hottest sort, to wit:

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violating the court order, but also could be charged with charges related to contributing to her delinquency, custodial interference

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...and probably harboring a runaway to top it off.

It doesn't matter what she wants. Of course she's emotional. She's a teenager, it's what they do. That's pretty much why we have a legal age of majority - teenagers don't really think rationally until their hormones settle down. You claim to care about this girl, so BE THE DAMNED GROWNUP. Put your foot down, tell her NO, and let her be mad.

Every answer you have received here has been legally correct. If you're going to insist on throwing a fit because you don't like what you've been told, go pay an attorney to tell you the same things. Some people only value what they pay for, it seems.

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Quoting LawResearcherMissy

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Translation: "Why won't anyone tell me what I want to hear, instead of giving me legally accurate information? You're all a bunch of meanie-poopie-heads!"

Is that about right?

Truthfully? We don't know you, don't need to know you, and really don't actually care about you. All we need to know is the information you gave us. That information is that the courts stripped you of your parental rights and issued an order requiring that you not be together.

Legally, you do not have a daughter. (Biologically, sure, but not legally.) Your rights were terminated, so legally you are a stranger to this child and if she runs away to be with you, you WILL find yourself in water of the hottest sort, to wit:



...and probably harboring a runaway to top it off.

It doesn't matter what she wants. Of course she's emotional. She's a teenager, it's what they do. That's pretty much why we have a legal age of majority - teenagers don't really think rationally until their hormones settle down. You claim to care about this girl, so BE THE DAMNED GROWNUP. Put your foot down, tell her NO, and let her be mad.

Every answer you have received here has been legally correct. If you're going to insist on throwing a fit because you don't like what you've been told, go pay an attorney to tell you the same things. Some people only value what they pay for, it seems.

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We definitely need a "like" button!

I care, OP. I am sorry you and your daughter are going through this.
I think the only thing you can do right now, is to get an attorney to try to get some sort of visitation...which may or may not (probably not) lead to some sort of custody in the future.
The good news is she is with someone who cares about her, and someone you trust.
Just keep letting her know that you're there for her, and that you care, but that you have to follow the law. It'll all work out for the best.

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Quoting 2ndchancemommmy

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My bad for the wording. I AM ALLOWED TO BE AROUND HER FOR VISITATION JUST NOT LIVING WITH ME RIGHT NOW!

If you were not so quick to judge everyone on this website, maybe people would actually listen to you.

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How exactly would you suggest we get information, if not from the person presenting it?

If Mom's rights were actually terminated, she doesn't have standing to sue for visitation.

Know this...if your daughter runs away....she may end up in Juvenile Detention.....

I would speak to a local lawyer about the custody issue. That is your best bet.

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Quoting 2ndchancemommmy

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Ok, we tried to get her to live with my sister. They wouldn't even give that a second thought.

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Was that a "Yes, dad is about to go to prison"?

If protective services says they'll consider the placement of the child with a relative, dad needs to look for a relative. Unfortunately for your family, their legal relationship with the child was severed when your parental rights were terminated. Your sister can try to determine if she would be considered as a placement if, for example, she became a licensed foster parent.