Obtaining Joint Physical and Legal Custody

Quote:

---

Quoting eagerdada

---

That makes sense (for the safety reasons). But then again I have no contact with him so I have no idea how she acts.

Is there an age where it is seen as more viable to relocate the child? He's about 7 months old now.

At the end of the day, what am I looking at here? Am I another statistic screwed over by the circumstance? If so, it seems I lost this battle before he was even born simply by way of being the father and not the mother.

---

You're looking at seeing him for a few weeks in the summer and every other holiday & birthday. If you're lucky, a bit more. Probably not by much. For all intents and ourposes, mom will retain primary physical unless you can prove she's slamming heroin or smoking meth or ends up in prison or directly jeopardizing the child's life. You're looking at your son knowing other men as daddy - maybe a husband or several husbands, or a series of boyfriends.

You can read all of the articles you want - won't make a bit of difference b/c you never know how a judge will rule. And some of them make really crappy rulings.

You can spend thousands of dollars in a lengthy custody battle and expect to lose unless there's a damn good reason to switch primary physical custody. Custody disputes are almost always costly, both financially and emotionally, and lengthy.

You can say horrible things about her, but the Court's response will be that you didn't seem to have a problem with her faults when you were schtupping her and made a baby.

If you want a lot of access to your son, move to the same city.

Is all of this harsh? Yep. But reality is a bitch.

Edit: and take Doggie's advice and go to DeltaBravo. It's too bad Socrateaser isn't there anymore. He was wonderful.

Then yes... I am currently screwed!

I'll still have to give it my best shot to obtain custody. Thinking back to what a large role my father played in my life, I can't let that slip away without trying.

I will certainly look more into deltabravo -- thank you for that.

Quote:

---

Quoting eagerdada

---

Then yes... I am currently screwed!

I'll still have to give it my best shot to obtain custody. Thinking back to what a large role my father played in my life, I can't let that slip away without trying.

I will certainly look more into deltabravo -- thank you for that.

---

I'm sorry to be so harsh, but you're in a horrible position. If there is any way you can move, definitely do so. You'll be able to spend much more time with your son.

Quote:

---

Quoting eagerdada

---

Then yes... I am currently screwed!

I'll still have to give it my best shot to obtain custody. Thinking back to what a large role my father played in my life, I can't let that slip away without trying.

I will certainly look more into deltabravo -- thank you for that.

---

You're thinking about YOU.

You need to think about the child.

Quote:

---

Quoting EA1070a

---

You're looking at seeing him for a few weeks in the summer and every other holiday & birthday. If you're lucky, a bit more. Probably not by much. For all intents and ourposes, mom will retain primary physical unless you can prove she's slamming heroin or smoking meth or ends up in prison or directly jeopardizing the child's life. You're looking at your son knowing other men as daddy - maybe a husband or several husbands, or a series of boyfriends.

---

How does that make sense? The several weeks in the summer part (referring to the schedule, not attacking your opinions EA). I know it is a common arrangement, but I'd still essentially be a stranger to him. A few weeks a year doesn't build any kind of relationship with anybody. By these court standards I'd almost be better off declining all custody rights and having zero contact in his life to avoid confusion/conflict.

- - - Updated - - -

Quote:

---

Quoting Dogmatique

---

You're thinking about YOU.

You need to think about the child.

---

I'm thinking about me and my father -- how my son will now be deprived of the valuable type of connection I share with mine. That to me is a big deal for HIM. I think a child should have strong connections to their father for the best upbringing. It definitely relates to me but also it is how I see him in the future and how he will feel.

You have choices.

Unfortunately, the situation is what it is. If you're lucky, she doesn't loathe you and won't talk smack about you and turn the boy against you.

Many many years ago I told my husband that it didn't matter how often he called and how often we brought his kids down here, when they became older teens and adults he would still be the SOB in their eyes. He paid religiously (and it was a lot of money every month - and I mean a lot) and exercised all of his visitation rights and you know what? It made not one iota of a difference. My prediction was, unfortunately, accurate, because his ex-wife hated him, and hates him to this day 25+ years later.

Your story is repeated in thousands of courtrooms every day. When I say your best bet for a relationship is to move, I mean it. And start saving money right now, because when the support order comes down, it will be made retroactive to date of filing and you'll immediately be thrown into arrearages.

Have you spoken to an attorney in the city your case will be heard?

Quote:

---

Quoting Dogmatique

---

You have choices.

---

Yes, some it seems.

At any rate I greatly appreciate all the input, Dog. Whether or not it brightened my day or not :P

- - - Updated - - -

Quote:

---

Quoting EA1070a

---

Unfortunately, the situation is what it is. If you're lucky, she doesn't loathe you and won't talk smack about you and turn the boy against you.

Many many years ago I told my husband that it didn't matter how often he called and how often we brought his kids down here, when they became older teens and adults he would still be the SOB in their eyes. He paid religiously (and it was a lot of money every month - and I mean a lot) and exercised all of his visitation rights and you know what? It made not one iota of a difference. My prediction was, unfortunately, accurate, because his ex-wife hated him, and hates him to this day 25+ years later.

Your story is repeated in thousands of courtrooms every day. When I say your best bet for a relationship is to move, I mean it. And start saving money right now, because when the support order comes down, it will be made retroactive to date of filing and you'll immediately be thrown into arrearages.

Have you spoken to an attorney in the city your case will be heard?

---

I assume you mean he was paying a lot for child support and not court fees?

No and I can't afford an attorney at this point. With the court filing fee + whatever I am ordered to pay shortly, it will be quite a sum in itself.

Has there been no change in the court rulings in recent years? Father's rights movements aren't getting anywhere? What a dreadful situation :D

He had to pay filing fees, yes, however I was talking about child support.

But the info I gave re: the courts and custody is current. You're going against status quo and best interests of the child. Keep in mind, your concept of best interests of the child and the Court's? Guaranteed they're different.

A lot of attorneys will do free consults. Call a few. Like chicken soup - couldn't hurt, might help.