Obtaining Joint Physical and Legal Custody

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Quoting eagerdada

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Thanks for this information.

Regarding the 50/50 scenario... what should I be asking for then? It seems pointless whining about/bringing up the fact the mother has 100% custody right now and trying to achieve her situation for myself. Or posing the question I'm sure many others have "Why shouldn't I have the majority of custody?" This is the unfair mother-centric view?

Are there no cases where 50/50 out of state is awarded? What about a 60/40 type?

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For a baby? No way. That would be iffy if you were in the same city, but def not out of state.

I can't speak as to physical custody for an infant, but based on experience re: a visitation order for older children the max you're looking at is about 80/20.

But you definitely request joint legal.

Here's the thing.

When you're married and you have a child, you both automatically have equal rights to the child because the husband is presumed to be the father. Having a child out of wedlock puts the unwed father at a distinct disadvantage because he has to establish paternity.

It's got nothing to do with being mom-centric.

Dad, look at parenting guidelines for an infant.

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Quoting EA1070a

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And anyone who is offended by the use of the word "Johnson" needs a stick extraction.

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I didn't say I was offended. I said it was vulgar and generally disrespectful. It is. But now I just feel like its a dead horse. Certainly not helping dad here.

Dad, you seem out of touch with reality. If you don't live in the same state as your child, how in the world do you think 50/50 is even feasible, much less good for your son to be doing all the traveling back and forth that would require, or to constantly be changing routine... There are so many reasons why that's wrong, wrong, wrong.

You wouldn't be here if your father kept his 'Johnson' in his pants so shut up. Even if you only procreate when married, divorces happen and you can find yourself in the same boat.

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Quoting Antigone

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This won't happen if you keep your johnson in your pants and only procreate when married.

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Congrats on your positive DNA test. Ask the child support office how to get visitation, court dates, what forms to fill, etc. I would guess that you would first have to get to know the child, and have a parenting plan, before you could hope to get real custody. For example, you might get supervised visits at first, then work up to overnight visits, and then keep the kid a few days/weeks/months etc. When there is no school for the kid, I would think easier, and when kid starts school, you would just shoot for holidays and summer, and let mom take care of the kid during the school year, etc. It is very good for the kid to spend time with each parent. At this point, if you have no court order for visitation, the mom is not required to let you access the kid. But don't worry you will get there. If you are not used to parenting, don't worry, it isn't that hard to figure out, anyone can do it, just can be some work. be sure to find some womenfolk to help you out, like your mother or sisters or girlfriend if you are lost. Hope you enjoy it.

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Quoting eagerdada

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I have established paternity (positive) through DNA testing arranged and administered by child support offices...

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Child support will NOT tell him which forms to fill out - you know why?

BECAUSE THEY CAN'T.

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Quoting EA1070a

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For a baby? No way. That would be iffy if you were in the same city, but def not out of state.

I can't speak as to physical custody for an infant, but based on experience re: a visitation order for older children the max you're looking at is about 80/20.

But you definitely request joint legal.

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In your research/opinion, getting physical custody at any point is fairly uncertain? I've read about quite a few joint physical cases on the internet so far with a hefty time portion being spent with each parent.

Or are you telling me the same thing which has been echoed for the last few decades: the dad (especially unwed) is basically screwed.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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Here's the thing.

When you're married and you have a child, you both automatically have equal rights to the child because the husband is presumed to be the father. Having a child out of wedlock puts the unwed father at a distinct disadvantage because he has to establish paternity.

It's got nothing to do with being mom-centric.

Dad, look at parenting guidelines for an infant.

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I have established paternity through DNA testing.

Now the mother has full custody and I have nothing in a legal sense or physical. That is the mother-centric view I am speaking of.

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Quoting FatherWhoWon

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I didn't say I was offended. I said it was vulgar and generally disrespectful. It is. But now I just feel like its a dead horse. Certainly not helping dad here.

Dad, you seem out of touch with reality. If you don't live in the same state as your child, how in the world do you think 50/50 is even feasible, much less good for your son to be doing all the traveling back and forth that would require, or to constantly be changing routine... There are so many reasons why that's wrong, wrong, wrong.

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To spend months with me and then months with the mother? All my ideas being proposed here are being looked at as some sort of bizarre, idiotic notion. Maybe they are. Maybe they aren't. I'm basing them on various research I've seen on the internet and books over the last few months. From what I have seen, the joint physical custody scenario is becoming a much more common arrangement in the modern age. Even the old standard of school year at mom's and summers spent at dad's.

If not such, what kind of situation am I looking at then? Check in the mail father? As we continue to perpetuate and accept the mother-centric standard?

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Quoting wv123

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You wouldn't be here if your father kept his 'Johnson' in his pants so shut up. Even if you only procreate when married, divorces happen and you can find yourself in the same boat.

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Congrats on your positive DNA test. Ask the child support office how to get visitation, court dates, what forms to fill, etc. I would guess that you would first have to get to know the child, and have a parenting plan, before you could hope to get real custody. For example, you might get supervised visits at first, then work up to overnight visits, and then keep the kid a few days/weeks/months etc. When there is no school for the kid, I would think easier, and when kid starts school, you would just shoot for holidays and summer, and let mom take care of the kid during the school year, etc. It is very good for the kid to spend time with each parent. At this point, if you have no court order for visitation, the mom is not required to let you access the kid. But don't worry you will get there. If you are not used to parenting, don't worry, it isn't that hard to figure out, anyone can do it, just can be some work. be sure to find some womenfolk to help you out, like your mother or sisters or girlfriend if you are lost. Hope you enjoy it.

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lol thank you! I'm already around some little youngsters a good portion of the day so I don't imagine rearing up one of my own rascals will be that far off :)

What books/websites are you reading that suggest a few months here and switch is a good idea for any kid of any age?

Yes, joint is a bit more common than it used to be. But the common thread there is that the parents are generally not in different states!

Even if you were in the same state, it would depend on what your judge thought. I wouldn't count on it. But out of state? You will be counting your time with your son in hours for the foreseeable future.

If you live close to the other parent, a more frequent schedule is not only doable, but (in my very humble little opinonette), preferable. In Doggie's Ideal World Of Parenting, the child would see both parents daily.

Alas, we don't live in my ideal world.

So, what we're faced with is a primary caregiver (in this case Mom - it's not always the case though), and a somewhat less-present parent. For an infant, it's not fair to the infant to spend large amounts of time away from that primary parent without some sort of meaningful contact. Remember, this is about the child, not the wants of the parents.

50/50 timeshares are actually rarely ordered unless both parents are cooperative and agree to such a schedule.

One question I think might have been missed - how far from Mom do you live now?

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Quoting FatherWhoWon

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What books/websites are you reading that suggest a few months here and switch is a good idea for any kid of any age?

Yes, joint is a bit more common than it used to be. But the common thread there is that the parents are generally not in different states!

Even if you were in the same state, it would depend on what your judge thought. I wouldn't count on it. But out of state? You will be counting your time with your son in hours for the foreseeable future.

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So in your view, you still hold to the idea of mom is the primary caregiver and that's the way it's going to be? I'm challenging the idea here that I was not given a choice to become the primary caregiver and due to the system, I'm on the short end of the stick. In the era of the tender years doctrine, still?

As far as the sites and papers go, I can sift back through my folders in a bit to locate them.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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If you live close to the other parent, a more frequent schedule is not only doable, but (in my very humble little opinonette), preferable. In Doggie's Ideal World Of Parenting, the child would see both parents daily.

Alas, we don't live in my ideal world.

So, what we're faced with is a primary caregiver (in this case Mom - it's not always the case though), and a somewhat less-present parent. For an infant, it's not fair to the infant to spend large amounts of time away from that primary parent without some sort of meaningful contact. Remember, this is about the child, not the wants of the parents.

50/50 timeshares are actually rarely ordered unless both parents are cooperative and agree to such a schedule.

One question I think might have been missed - how far from Mom do you live now?

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I live about 5 hours away by car.

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Quoting eagerdada

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So in your view, you still hold to the idea of mom is the primary caregiver and that's the way it's going to be?

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The reality is that she's already the primary caregiver. The courts don't like to mess with the status quo without having a darned good reason for doing so. Whether or not I personally agree with it, being unwed puts the father at a distinct disadvantage for reasons discussed earlier.

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I'm challenging the idea here that I was not given a choice to become the primary caregiver and due to the system, I'm on the short end of the stick. In the era of the tender years doctrine, still?

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It's basically the era of "status quo".

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As far as the sites and papers go, I can sift back through my folders in a bit to locate them.



I live about 5 hours away by car.

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Then you need to be prepared for a long distance parenting plan and for at least the short term, you should expect visitation to take place in Mom's community.