My Ex Won't Allow Parenting Time on Daughter's Birthday

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Oregon

Dad won't let children come for scheduled parenting time because he's already scheduled daughter's birthday party. Weekends for parenting time hasn't changed in over a year, yet he still scheduled party even though her birthday falls during my parenting time. There isn't anything in our order stating that birthday's are treated any differently than a normal day.

Dad doesn't exactly fail to follow the parenting plan so I'm not exactly sure how far or how long to allow for the hit and miss before I should take things to court. I'm not sure if a new parenting plan should be put in place or if an enforcement or contempt should be filed...

All I know is that I want more time with my kids because I was just told by my child that he tells them that I don't love them and that their step mom (girlfriend, they aren't married) is a better mom to them so they should call her mommy. If they don't, he get's upset with them.

If your order doesn't address birthdays, and her birthday falls on your weekend, Dad needs to make other arrangements.

Heck, she gets to have two birthday parties - one with you, one with Dad!

With that said, you need to get this ironed out.

I guess I just don't know how to go about it. I've tried using logic with dad... He tried to tell me that I was manipulating the system to make sure her birthday fell on my weekends every year.. (Last year was the friday, this year it's saturday.) I went so far as highlighting all the way from 2012 through 2014 to show him when my weekends fell and that it's never changed. (I always have them on the weekends I get paid, this makes it much easier to remember. Over the winter times I don't always get to see my kids because the weather to drive over the mountain is too bad.)

He changes times as he sees fit. Usually it's just picking them up in the morning instead of the afternoon. Or seeing them from Thursday to Saturday instead of Friday to Sunday. Changes on occasion is reasonable, it seems to be becoming an every day thing now though... And, this time, It's her birthday! He makes it hard enough to plan anything, I was excited that it fell on my weekend, no doubt this year.. But, when I found out he was having a party for her birthday and asked when it was since her birthday fell on my time, he informed me that my children wouldn't be coming to see me that weekend. I could have them sunday and monday or not at all.... I have his text messages! Is that enough to be the crazy lady who goes to court over a birthday??

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Now he's stating that he's going on a 2 week 'vacation' so he doesn't have to let the children come see me that weekend.... He can't do that can he???

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Quoting JillianS

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My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Oregon

Dad won't let children come for scheduled parenting time because he's already scheduled daughter's birthday party. Weekends for parenting time hasn't changed in over a year, yet he still scheduled party even though her birthday falls during my parenting time. There isn't anything in our order stating that birthday's are treated any differently than a normal day.

Dad doesn't exactly fail to follow the parenting plan so I'm not exactly sure how far or how long to allow for the hit and miss before I should take things to court. I'm not sure if a new parenting plan should be put in place or if an enforcement or contempt should be filed...

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So her birthday has fallen during your parenting time two years in a row and you're going to force the issue so dad misses out on celebrating his daughter's birthday in two consecutive years? Sorry, hard to muster up much sympathy here - how would YOU feel if the roles were reversed and you missed this special day twice in a row?

You two need a better parenting plan that addresses birthdays and holidays so they rotate.

The custody agreement is what it is. If dad neither requested nor negotiated for alternating birthdays - and it's pretty clear that he did not - then when he agreed to the order... guess what? He bound himself to that order. If he wants to change it he knows where to find the courthouse.

Do you know why the birthday fell on a Friday one year and a Saturday the next? Because, controlling for leap years, that's the way the calendar works. 365 days = 52 weeks, 1 day. So in 2014 it's going to fall on Sunday, in 2015 on Monday, in 2016 on Wednesday due to the leap year, in 2017 on a Thursday.... If mom has weekend visitation, are you expecting that dad is going to admit that he was absurd in his accusation that mom "was manipulating the system" and give her extra parenting time? If so, why do you suppose he is playing a power game rather than proposing an amendment to the court's order that provides for an amicable split?

In terms of whether or not he can take a two-week vacation, you would need to look at the vacation provisions of the custody order.

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Quoting EA1070a

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You two need a better parenting plan that addresses birthdays and holidays so they rotate.

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No they don't.

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Quoting Antigone

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No they don't.

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You're kidding, right? This type of crap is what happens with a lousy parenting plan. A comprehensive parenting plan that addresses birthdays, holidays, vacation time, pick up & drop off times and locations, etc. is the ONLY way to help prevent strife later on.

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Quoting EA1070a

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You're kidding, right? This type of crap is what happens with a lousy parenting plan. A comprehensive parenting plan that addresses birthdays, holidays, vacation time, pick up & drop off times and locations, etc. is the ONLY way to help prevent strife later on.

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They just need to respect the parenting plan they have. No, this is the kind of **** that happens when parents don't respect the plan they have in place. Judges generally don't like nit picking.

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Quoting Antigone

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They just need to respect the parenting plan they have. No, this is the kind of **** that happens when parents don't respect the plan they have in place. Judges generally don't like nit picking.

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Agreed - judges don't like nit picking. Unfortunately, some parents LIVE to nit pick over every teeny tiny little thing and a solid parenting plan can help prevent at least some of that.

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Quoting Mr. Knowitall

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In terms of whether or not he can take a two-week vacation, you would need to look at the vacation provisions of the custody order.

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This is what our parenting plan states about vacations: The non-custodial parent shall also have parenting time for 14 uninterrupted days during the summer with children six and over. The non-custodial parent shall notify the custodial parent in writing prior to april 15th each year which days the non-custodial parent has selected for parenting time. The custodial parent shall likewise have the right to a two week vacation each summer during which the non-custodial parent's parenting time need not be honored, if the vacation is out of town. The custodial parent shall advise the non custodial parent of such vacation plans no later than May 1st of each year. Once designated, changes in the summer parenting time schedule shall not be allowed except by agreement of both parties. Failure of either party to make a timely designation of summer parenting time will not result in forfeiture of parenting time rights but will result in the custodial parent having the right to designate the summer parenting time, or in the case of the custodial parent failing to give notice, the parenting time lost by the non custodial parent shall be subject to make up parenting time.

A. Our oldest daughter is only 5 years old.
B. He specifically told me that he was taking a two week vacation starting the 8th of July so that the girls wouldn't have to come for their scheduled time on the 12-14th.

I have read this entry over many times and finally came to the conclusion, that in this case, aside for the fact that the children aren't of age yet. He can make up any kind of last minute vacation that he likes. :( Is this correct?

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Quoting EA1070a

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Agreed - judges don't like nit picking. Unfortunately, some parents LIVE to nit pick over every teeny tiny little thing and a solid parenting plan can help prevent at least some of that.

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I think dad is one of those nit picky parents. He gets upset for no apparent reason, and then all of a sudden he pulls technicallities out of our judgement to get away with not having to do something he doesn't want to do... The two week vacation, for example.

I agree that it's time for us to set up a new parenting plan. But for now, I need to understand the one that I have.

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Quoting Mr. Knowitall

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The custody agreement is what it is. If dad neither requested nor negotiated for alternating birthdays - and it's pretty clear that he did not - then when he agreed to the order... guess what? He bound himself to that order. If he wants to change it he knows where to find the courthouse.

Do you know why the birthday fell on a Friday one year and a Saturday the next? Because, controlling for leap years, that's the way the calendar works. 365 days = 52 weeks, 1 day. So in 2014 it's going to fall on Sunday, in 2015 on Monday, in 2016 on Wednesday due to the leap year, in 2017 on a Thursday.... If mom has weekend visitation, are you expecting that dad is going to admit that he was absurd in his accusation that mom "was manipulating the system" and give her extra parenting time? If so, why do you suppose he is playing a power game rather than proposing an amendment to the court's order that provides for an amicable split?

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Her birthday was on Friday last year, he threw a party and she came to visit afterwards. It's not that he didn't see her or she wasn't with him on her birthday last year at all.

My daughter is turning 4, she's not going to remember. I'll throw her another party when she is here. The problem is, that he keeps changing dates and times, won't stick to the schedule so I never know when exactly my children will be here. Now he's throwing that two week vacation crap in my face so he doesn't have to deal with it. I drop everthing and run to see my kids, and then he gets off on his control over it. Seriously, I'd much rather see my kids than not see them at all, but enough is enough sometimes. I have a right too. Don't I?