Not Returning Daughter at Appointed Time

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Maryland

I have a current custody order with my exhusband that is court ordered. We have a split custody. $th of July this year is my holiday. It alternates every other year. Since she was going to be at his home on that day for her normal visitation, I offered the holiday to him. Otherwise he would only have one day this week with her. He declined due to other plans he had for the holiday. I notified him that, per the court order, I will be picking her up at his home at 9AM. It directly states in the order that July 4th begins at 9AM. Last year I had her ready to go for his pick up at 9AM. Well he is apparently working on the 4th and his girlfriend will be watching our daughter at that time and she doesn't feel like doing the exchange. So he is demanding that I pick her up at 5PM! And that if I don't pick her up at 5PM that I would need to pick her up in NEW JERSEY! (That is where he's going for the holiday to visit his girlfriend's family) I put it in writing, both text and email, to him, his lawyer and my lawyer (who happens to be on vacation this week!) that I will be picking her up at 9AM and if he evades that it is a violation of the order. If the girlfriend doesn't hand my daughter over or the evade the pick up at 9AM can I call the police? Can they get in trouble for violating the order?

You can certainly call the police but they will only document the issue. If you make an issue of it I guess it could tick off a judge, but my question to you is this: Is this a hill worth dying on?

Well considering that prior to the custody order we now have in place (we have a previous court order) that he did not follow and I literally had to call the police every time I had to pick her up from visitation with him (3 times a week) the battle is getting old. I'm sure if I did the same, kept her from him when he had his court appointed holidays I would be in the clear as well??

Just think about your daughter and how this affects her. Hopefully then you'll see things more clearly.

So what is the point of even having a custody agreement? And honestly, if you would have read my prior statement you would see that I was trying to keep her in mind by offering the holiday to her father in the first place as to not cut into his time with her...It was his choice to not take her. So how am I not thinking of her when she will be sitting at home, with neither one of her parents when she could be spending time with at least one of them and her extended family?

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By the way, I love the fact that I'm not looking at her best interest, however I'm the only one following the rules...I guess her best interest is sitting at home with her dad's girlfriend while her mom has wanted to spend the day with her and her dad isn't even there because he's at work...And then talking about carting her off three states away.

So show up at your appointed time. When the exchange does not happen, document it and then file contempt. That is what you want to hear so do it.

Life is not fair, some people don't play by the rules. However, when it comes to our kids we should always take the high road. This is how we teach them. I'd tell the other parent the same thing if they were willing to listen, too.

My point is this...And I'm not arguing about taking the high road. I've done it from the beginning. I've never once tried to overstep his relationship with out daughter. I've never tried to cut him out of the picture. I've never denied him his time with her. I've even arranged at times to give him more time. Or go out of my way for the sake of my daughter. I never even requested child support from him. And even when he didn't pay what the court ordered him to pay (half of the monthly daycare expense) I still paid it and still didn't impede on his relationship with her. So my ultimate question is, keep doing this? Keep doing things on his terms? Keep doing things by his rules? Because I'm doing it to take the high road for my daughter? To me that would start to paint the picture that there are some people, regardless of how hard you hold on to your morals and values, get away with everything and you just stand back and never defend yourself? I realize she is too young to understand that right now. But just laying down and accepting things just seems to set the precedence for it.

In the words of CJane (on another board), who truly said it best.....

"I find it interesting that court orders are made with the best interests of the child in mind... but when one parent wants to stand by the court order and not give up their own time with the child as it suits the other parent, they're often told to suck it up and do what's best for the child.

Maybe, just maybe, what's best for the child is following the court order.

Such a shocking thought."

I couldn't agree more ksmom, but when the other parent is clearly a selfish, arrogant, jerk that doesn't always work. It doesn't mean that parent #2 should also behave like an imoral idiot, now does it?

Quote:

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Quoting Antigone

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I couldn't agree more ksmom, but when the other parent is clearly a selfish, arrogant, jerk that doesn't always work. It doesn't mean that parent #2 should also behave like an imoral idiot, now does it?

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You and I clearly have a different definition of immoral. I agree that there is no reason why this child should spend her holiday with dad's girlfriend. It is not BEST for the child at all.

OP, I don't know what has gotten up with Antigone today, but do your best to get your child at 9AM...you will NOT be an immoral idiot to do so. Its a holiday.