Can a Biological Dad Be Made to Pay Support if Biological Mother is Married

My question involves child support in the State of: Iowa
I live in Iowa and am married. I had an affair and ended up pregnant. I now have a 1 year old daughter, since I am married, her birth certificate lists my husband as her Dad but he is not. Her biological Dad did pay for a DNA test and was proven that he is the Biological Dad but he refuses to help in any way with her care. How do I go about getting some kind of financial support from her biological Dad??

You sue him in family court by opening a paternity and child support case.

would biological Dad automatically receive visitation rights if there is a child support order put into place? and would her last name have to be changed to his?

Yes and possibly if he asked for either.

Bio dad could even go ahead and open a paternity caseon his own and file for custody or visitation.

from what he has said, he doesn't want anything to do with her but I believe he should be partially responsible for her even though my husband is financially supporting her

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Quoting Sanbrenjo

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would biological Dad automatically receive visitation rights if there is a child support order put into place?

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Automatically, no. He'd have to petition for the court to issue an order. If he petitions, he'll get it - unless you can come up with a really spectacular reason why visitation wouldn't be in the child's best interest (ie dad is a convicted child molester or similar circumstances).

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and would her last name have to be changed to his?

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It wouldn't have to, but dad could certainly ask the court to make that happen (although a hyphenated name is equally possible).

would there be any way to get an order for support from child's birth to currently (little over 1 year) and then have something drawn up to terminate any rights of the bio Dad in the future and stating that I will not ask for any more support after that?

You can file a paternity action and request that a support order be made retroactive to birth and under Iowa law, the court may issue a support order retroactive to either date of birth or date of filing upon a finding of paternity. Once paternity is established, obligations (monetary) and rights (visitation) can be granted. Since she already has a legal father, bio dad has absolutely no legal duty to provide anything for her.

You can COUNT on bio dad requesting visitation rights as soon as paternity is legally established and a support order set. Happens all the time.

From what you've posted, you aren't interested in bio dad being financially responsible. You just want a large cash payout, then want to strip him of his rights. Very impressive.

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Quoting Sanbrenjo

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would there be any way to get an order for support from child's birth to currently (little over 1 year) and then have something drawn up to terminate any rights of the bio Dad in the future and stating that I will not ask for any more support after that?

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Short answer: no. You're not going to have access to his money, without him getting access to his child and ability to exercise parental rights. You can't have it both ways.

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Quoting aardvarc

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Short answer: no. You're not going to have access to his money, without him getting access to his child and ability to exercise parental rights. You can't have it both ways.

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I almost posted this verbatim.

Then my annoyance took over. Oops.

This is not about you. This is about the child having rights.

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Quoting Sanbrenjo

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would there be any way to get an order for support from child's birth to currently (little over 1 year) and then have something drawn up to terminate any rights of the bio Dad in the future and stating that I will not ask for any more support after that?

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I honestly could care less about his money but I do believe he should have some kind of obligation financially for a child he helped bring into this world. Why should ALL the responsibility be on me?

But you're willing to let him off the hook going forward as long as you get a payout now.

Being a parent is about way more than money. But that's all you're looking for. You said it; they just pointed it out. A judge will undoubtedly notice that also. Check your priorities (and your wedding ring) before you make any further decisions, and then think about pointing fingers towards other people whom you feel are not meeting their responsibilities.

No, I think he should be financially responsible till she is 18 but he doesn't want to be in her life. So I really believe she is entitled to something from him, he should not be off the hook.

And I agree that the CHILD has a right to support from both parents.

But when you suggest that you should have him sign something giving up his rights in exchange for a payout now and no further payments in future, honey, there's not very many ways to read that other than that you're looking for money.

I have supported her just fine without help from him since birth. I am just trying to figure out a way that he is not completely off the hook from his responsibility to her and avoid drama later down the road.

You can absolutely seek the support that your child is entitled to. The courts will be VERY supportive of that - they WANT children to have the support of both children. But the flip side to that is that he's the man you chose to make a father, and the courts want to look out for the CHILD's right to both of their parents, even if one of them isn't showing any interest in the child right now. You are going to be stuck with the drama - that's just the reality when you have affairs that result in children. We can't help you on that aspect of things.

yeah, thanks for getting that shot in there. I know having an affair is wrong. I am the only one of the 2 biological parents of this child who is doing anything for her. Affair or not, she needs to eat and have a roof over her head. He has done nothing for her and don't plan on it.

The fact remains that you don't get to have it both ways. No one here is claiming he shouldn't share financial responsibility - he certainly should. But just because he's not interested in being in her life now doesn't mean that he never will, and the court is not going to cut off that possibility. It's a right, not an obligation.

By all means file for financial support. But don't anticipate that the court will agree to shut off his rights.

Thanks for the advice

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Quoting Sanbrenjo

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I honestly could care less about his money but I do believe he should have some kind of obligation financially for a child he helped bring into this world. Why should ALL the responsibility be on me?

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as it stands, it isn't. It is on the parents of the child. That would be you and your husband.

Does your husband even know he is not the bio father?

yes my husband knows he is not the biological Dad. so you are telling me then that 2 consenting adults that have sex and create a child together and if she is married and keeps the child then she and her husband are the only ones responsible? that seems pretty unfair

Do you suffer from problems with reading comprehension? NO ONE has disagreed that the child's father should share financial responsibility for her. It's the part where you want to cut him off from any contact with her, should he be interested in the future, that we're disagreeing with you.

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Quoting cbg

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Do you suffer from problems with reading comprehension? NO ONE has disagreed that the child's father should share financial responsibility for her. It's the part where you want to cut him off from any contact with her, should he be interested in the future, that we're disagreeing with you.

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Actually, I do disagree that the bio father should be required to share in the costs of raising the child, at least until he is established to be the legal father.;)

The LEGAL father is who is responsible for the costs to raise a child. Until such time the OP wishes to establish the bio father as the legal father, she is where she is right now. Of course, that then gets into the bio and then legal father having rights to seek visitation, and even custody.


Wouldn't it be ironic if the OP went and established the bio father as the legal father and then, the bio father sued for primary custody and won? and then the OP had to pay him child support?

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Quoting Sanbrenjo

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yes my husband knows he is not the biological Dad. so you are telling me then that 2 consenting adults that have sex and create a child together and if she is married and keeps the child then she and her husband are the only ones responsible? that seems pretty unfair

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um, you want your husband to have all the benefits of having a child but the bio father to pay to raise the child?


If you want the bio father to have to pay, disestablish your husband as the father and put the bio father on the BC,. Understand that your husband would have no rights regarding the child then. All legal actions concerning the child would be between you and the newly named father.

The biological Dad has already paid for DNA testing and baby is his. He wants nothing to do with the baby. So, I guess according to what you are saying, he is not obligated to pay a dime.

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Quoting Sanbrenjo

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The biological Dad has already paid for DNA testing and baby is his. He wants nothing to do with the baby.

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Unless it was a court ordered and controlled test, it is not going to prove anything, at least usable in a court.

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So, I guess according to what you are saying, he is not obligated to pay a dime.

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he is NOT the father, at least the legal father. A LEGAL father is who is liable for the costs of raising a child and it is they that have rights to seek custody or visitation should the situation warrant it.

Think of it this way:

when a child is adopted, legal parents are established. The biological parents legal parentage is terminated.

Do you believe those biological parents who now have no rights to see the child should be required to pay for the costs of raising the child? Your situation is really no different. Your husband is the legal father, regardless of whom is the biological father. Your husband enjoys the rights of a legal father so he gets to also pay the expenses to raise his child.


Now, there could be a problem if you ever get divorced. Your husband might be able to disestablish paternity leaving you on your own to pay for the child since there would be no father at all, as far as the law is concerned. You would then have to attempt to establish paternity of the biological father after which you could seek custody and child support. He would then have the right to seek custody and or visitation.

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Quoting Sanbrenjo

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The biological Dad has already paid for DNA testing and baby is his. He wants nothing to do with the baby. So, I guess according to what you are saying, he is not obligated to pay a dime.

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The child has a legal father, correct?

Then he's the one responsible for supporting HIS LEGAL CHILD.

:cool:

I apologize - I had misread and thought that the bio father had been named the legal father.

Nope. Husband is the legal father.

OP wants to bring a paternity action that would effectively disestablish her husband as legal father and establish her fling as legal father. She then wants the court to issue an order requiring legal father to pay child support retroactive to date of birth. Following that order, she wants to bring an action to terminate legal father's rights & obligations and have (presumably) her husband adopt the child.

I would love to be present in the Court during that series of proceedings. The judge will have a field day with it.

The attorney fees for the action to terminate parental rights will probably exceed any amount OP may be awarded in child support.

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Quoting EA1070a

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Nope. Husband is the legal father.

OP wants to bring a paternity action that would effectively disestablish her husband as legal father and establish her fling as legal father. She then wants the court to issue an order requiring legal father to pay child support retroactive to date of birth. Following that order, she wants to bring an action to terminate legal father's rights & obligations and have (presumably) her husband adopt the child.

I would love to be present in the Court during that series of proceedings. The judge will have a field day with it.

The attorney fees for the action to terminate parental rights will probably exceed any amount OP may be awarded in child support.

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Excuse me.

I ell oh elled.

:cool:

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Quoting Sanbrenjo

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yeah, thanks for getting that shot in there. I know having an affair is wrong. I am the only one of the 2 biological parents of this child who is doing anything for her. Affair or not, she needs to eat and have a roof over her head. He has done nothing for her and don't plan on it.

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To reiterate the point you're not seeming to understand:

The child has a legal father. That's your husband. He and you are responsible for supporting her.

Endastory.

If your husband wants to be her father just leave it that way. The biological dad doesn't want he than fine. You seem to be doing great on your own. If you take this man to court there is a possibility he could get some visitation with her.

If you don't want that than just drop it. Going to court sucks and the only person that gets hurt is the child. Just let her have one daddy and leave it at that.

yes he wants to be her father and bio dad wants nothing to do with her but still believe he should have some responsibility but apparently not

Given the current status of the situation, yes , you would be correct the bio father has no obligation to pay anybody anything. Until established in court he is the legal father and your husband has no claim to the child, that is how it will remain.

You do need to take notice of the possibility I mentioned previously. If you do divorce, this could become a different issue. Depending on the facts at the time of divorce, your husband may be able to deny paternity. If that would happen, he would not be required to pay child support either. It might be wise to speak with an attorney about taking action that would estaish your husband as the properly designated legal father (basically, adoption). That way the bio father could not later change his mind and fight to establish paternity and throw your family into turmoil or if you do divorce, your then ex husband would be legally bound to support his (legal) child.

there is more to this story that I did not include here but when I found out I was pregnant, bio dad refused to talk to me, said I should abort or adopt the baby. I refused to do either and kept her with my husband's support. When baby was 2 months old, bio dad paid for dna test and it was proven that baby was his, we still had no contact. When baby was 6 months old, bio dad contacted me and wanted to see her and I went ahead and let him come visit her. After 6 months of him seeing her off and on, his girlfriend found out he was seeing this child behind her back so he had to cut off all ties with me and baby again. So, I did let him be in her life for 6 months but he offered zero support. Now his girlfriend won't let him see his daughter and in order to keep his girlfriend happy he has no contact with baby.

He doesn't owe you support. He never was, and is not, obliged to pay you a single dime.

You can't have it both ways - your husband doesn't get to play Dad on someone else's bill.

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Quoting Sanbrenjo

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Now his girlfriend won't let him see his daughter and in order to keep his girlfriend happy he has no contact with baby.

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so in other words, if he loses the girlfriend, he might seek to establish paternity and seek visitation or even custody. Sounds like you may your work cut out for you for years to come.

play Dad lol Ok that is not what I am after, all I am after is getting some type of responsibility out of the bio Dad who helped put her on this earth.

Make up your mind. You can have one or the other, but not both:

1.) Him taking financial responsibility, and you having to have him in her life

2.) Him not in her life, and he not taking any financial responsibility

If he CHOOSES not to be in her life, that's on him. But there is no way on God's green earth you're going to get him taking financial responsibility, and a court taking away his right to change his mind eventually as well.

I would never expect to take away his rights and receive child support