Can You Stop a Vacation by the Other Custodian That You Think Will Be Unsafe

She has the right to make legal decisions within the visitation period she is granted, within the guidelines ordered by the court. It appears you were negligent in not denying the visitation in the first place. Until a court changes it, you must live with it. Again, I suggest you offer to pay transportation by plane or train.

Okay. Thank you for clarifying!

Unless the order specifically addresses travel and geographical restrictions, she can do whatever she wants during her visitation time.

The fact that you have sole legal custody doesn't mean (unfortunately) you can dictate what she does during visitation.

If you want to, you can try to modify the order so that you CAN determine those things.

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(No, seriously - thank you hugely for clarifying. It makes much more sense :) )

No problem :-) It IS confusing without the full story.

So....I am learning so much about the family court. It is awful. I cannot get anything done by July. If I refuse to let her go, she may go to the court, she may not. She is very hard to predict. From what I understand, it is unlikely that I would be held in contempt over one incident - but this would maybe allow us to alter the order? I felt very frustrated after the last ruling when the judge said that I should have known about all future changes 3 years ago. I did not think to put "petitioner cannot drive the children 1800 miles by herself" into the agreement back then. And like I said - I had no problem with her flying.

There is provision, where you could seek ex parte modification on the basis of her mental state. Whether the court would enact a restriction keeping them in state I could not tell you.
https://www.revisor.mn.gov/statutes/...17#stat.518.17

https://www.revisor.mn.gov/statutes/...c&view=chapter

Well, the good news is that even if you're held in contempt, there really isn't a whole lot they can do - they certainly cannot remove your custody.

That said, if you're held in contempt over and over it may - just may - end up with a jail term.

That's one of the issues that I have had many professionals ponder - what happens if I don't follow everything in the order, all of the time? (Well, other than the eventual fines and jail if it gets unreasonable.)

I may just see what happens. I wouldn't be actually denying her vacation time per se....just refusing to allow a situation I am concerned about to occur. She is welcome to the time. Splitting hairs, but I am really fed up with this whole "law". I tried to do the right thing and settle with her, and it keeps biting me in the ass. (The other part of the story is that she has been very sketchy about this whole travel situation - changing times, days, reasons and modes of travel. Then lying to me about it and ranting about how irresponsible I am. I have emails to back up all of that and screenshots to show what she has entered on the calendar at various times.)

Maybe I'll roll the dice in this situation - it could force some issues that need to be dealt with, anyway :wallbang:

Well, technically you are denying her time. There's nothing in your order saying you can choose the mode of transportation; that leaves it wide open.

Now a delicate question. Where is the other bio parent?

It was an anonymous donor. So at least that's simple :D

I may not have the right to refuse a mode of transportation, but I would like the chance to discuss that with the court if she wants to challenge me. I see this as a safety issue - she can't do unsafe activities over her vacation time, right? Where is the line drawn? Using this law, it would seem that I should have at least some say. Like I said, I have ample proof that I did nothing to refuse her time until this situation arose. This, to me, is about my right to still exercise some control over my children's lives, which is supposed to be protected under the law. The time is not an issue - I am not denying her that as long as I don't see her as putting the kids in danger. I would LOVE for the court to tell me what my rights actually are.

Part of my calculation is that she rarely follows through on anything. There is an excellent chance that she will be mad, but ultimately do nothing.

That's the thing though. You might think it's unsafe, but the chances of the court considering it unsafe are slim to none.

Parents drive long-distance every day. Many consider it a great bonding experience.

This is what I am saying - why is it solely up to the COURT to decide what is safe for MY children. This woman is NOT a legal parent and we are operating under a law that specifically addresses the need for her visitation to not interfere with my parental relationship. There are issues here that the court does not understand, and legal precedent says that a fit parent should always be assumed to be acting in the best interests of her children.

So back to my original question....if I have no say over her doing something that I see as unsafe for the kids, how are her rights any different than those of a non-custodial parent? The court is taking away my right to make these decisions. I agreed to give her visitation - not to let her do whatever she wants.

And trust me - with her, this would not be bonding time. Maybe the first 4-5 hours, then I pity the kids.