Restraining Order and Child Visitation

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: California.

The mother of my child was living under my roof for about 6 years with our child and I was fully supporting them both, and about 10 months ago I asked for her to leave my house due to the fact that I had gotten into a serious relationship and there had been a lot of conflict over the course of her living under my roof and I had kicked her out three times in the past because of arguments and me just not wanting to deal with her anymore. During the times I had asked her to leave and the last ten months, I have continued to pay child support for my daughter. Since I have been involved with my new girlfriend, my ex has been sending me threatening text messages, harassing me over the phone, calling at all hours with blocked numbers, threatening me, my family, and my girlfriend, and occasionally spamming my workplace with phone calls. I decided I needed a restraining order against her when she tried to break into and vandalizing my house while only my elderly mother was at home. However, I do not know how a restraining order will affect my visitation rights with my daughter. Her mother is already very specific and difficult when it comes to me seeing my daughter. She makes everything complicated and does not allow me to visit my daughter on any day other than Saturdays between the hours of 10 AM and 2 PM. Due to my work schedule, that is not always possible for me. I cannot take time off of work during those hours and she will not allow me to see her any other time or day. So based on this information, I want to know if I have a valid enough reason to get a restraining order against her and how this will affect my visitation rights. Thank you.

Do you actually have a court order for visitation?

The restraining order is not going to also issue a custody schedule. The restraining order will order her to stay away and/or avoid contact and that's about it. While it might also make accommodations for child exchange, it is not going to state who has the child when. If you want to modify visitation you will have to attend Family Court.

We have never actually taken any of our issues to court. Any time I told her that we need to take our issues to court for everything to be legal and fair to both parties, she absolutely refused. My family and I have been very hesitant to take her to court because she is violent, mentally unstable, and we are afraid she may harm someone if she gets angry because she is very aggressive. She and I had settled on how much child support I would pay for my 6 year old daughter based on my mother's situation with the father of one of her children so I pay $400 a month, $200 every two weeks. And we agreed that I could pick up my daughter either on the weekends, after school, or any time convenient to both parties but, like I said, she has made everything so difficult that I cannot even see my daughter once a week. I am no longer hesitant to take her to court, but I want to make sure I can get a restraining order on her as well to ensure that it will not affect my visitation rights with my daughter and should she attempt to do something, there will be consequences. We had called the cops on her when she tried to break into my house, and they did not do anything, and told us to get a restraining order. Next time this happens, I'd like to know that she will not walk away from the situation with no consequences.

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Cdwjava:

So, the restraining order will not allow her to keep me from seeing my daughter, correct? What I'm worried about is that me getting a restraining order against the mother of my child, it will make it impossible for me to see my child anymore. I have already decided to take her to court to settle the visitation arrangements, which will obviously anger her, and therefore I'd like to get the restraining order as well to protect me and my family from her rage.

The thing is, if you have no visitation order she doesn't have to allow visitation - at all.

Get yourself to court and get an enforceable visitation order. Be specific - who does pick up/drop off, specific holidays, everything. None of this vague "As agreed by both parents" or "reasonable visitation" crap (because it's exactly that - crap).

deltabravo.net is a great site - have you checked it out?

A restraining order won't hurt your visitation.

Also take a look here: http://www.courts.ca.gov/selfhelp-custody.htm

:)

I completely understand this, even though I disagree with it. Obviously it's frustrating that she doesn't respect that I have supported my child and her for years, yet she doesn't allow me to see my child. So if I don't take her to court, then I don't even have to pay my child support since she doesn't have to allow me to see my child? Is that correct? Obviously I want to be there for my child and support her, since her mother doesn't even work, but I don't want to get screwed over by her mother because there is no paper that says I have to pay X amount of money for my child.

If there's no order for child support, legally you are not obliged to pay one single cent.

But I sense that you're not that type of parent. I sense that you're wanting to do the right thing - and that includes supporting kiddo even if there's no court order.

:)

Of course I want to support my daughter, I also want to see her. I was so hopeful that this could just be resolved between two adults with nothing on our minds except what is best for our child, but since she is such an immature and impossible person, that is obviously not going to happen. And as much as I'd like to stoop to her level and tell that I am not any more obligated to dish out $400 to her as she is to allow me to see my child, I feel that would just be more harmful to my daughter than anyone else. You seem to be knowledgeable enough to answer one more question for me, even though it is not exactly related to this topic but I would really appreciate it. The mother of my child is collecting financial aid from the government even though I am depositing money into her account twice a week. She also put on her application for financial aid that the father of her child is not present which is obviously not true. I also know that she doesn't have any expenses because she is living with her parents rent free, doesn't drive or have a car, and is on her parents' phone plan. Is this going to affect her negatively in any way if I take her to court and can prove that I have been paying child support?

Ack - you may be required to repay the assistance. What type is it?

You should never have to pay to see your child; child support simply isn't a ticket to see her. You absolutely do need to get an enforceable custody and visitation order.

Please check out deltabravo - the forums in particular can be an incredible support for single Dads.

What type of assistance is Mom receiving?

I would be required to repay the money she is getting by lying on the application after six years of supporting her and my child? She put on the application that she alone supports our child even though I deposit money into her account. I know that she gets food stamps for certain. I'm not sure about what else she might be receiving help with. I just want to make sure that if I take her to court that she won't get completely screwed for whatever she may be receiving by lying to the government only because she will likely take out her anger on me and my family and that just isn't something I want to deal with. And the A-hole in me wants to just stop paying and let her get mad, take me to court, and have her get her a** handed to her. I did check out that website, thank you.

Food stamps won't need to be repaid. If she got TANF though (and maybe a couple of other things) you may end up being responsible for repayment.

I still get the feeling that you're going to do the right thing for your child. I think you know deep down that getting Mom into trouble isn't going to benefit your little girl. And I understand your feelings - I really do.

You have receipts/bank records for the deposit, yes? Request that everything you've paid is credited to anything they say you owe.

Yes I have saved the receipts and such. And of course I don't want for her to get in trouble, since it will really benefit no one, and that's kinda my basis for asking. To give her a heads up. Though at times I wish I didn't have a conscience. If I were to also get a notarized paper, with both my signature and hers, saying that from the day my child was born up until now I have supported her, would that also be helpful?