Child Support, Custody, and Obligations

My question involves child support in the State of: Virginia

Hello guys!

First I would like to thank you for taking the time to read this as I believe that a lot of this information will be important for the case, And second, If you'd like to take on this case, Feel free to send me a message.

I have been seeing my EX (who has 4 kids from 2 different fathers, 1 father obtained full custody of one of her kids) for the last 2 months. In the beginning of the relationship I've made it clear that I did not want to have a children at my current age (which can be backed up by texts). throughout the relationship she began to become unstable with her anger issues (Currently takes depression medication and has a history of of anger management sessions. She also is currently on probation as well). At some point in the relationship she decided she wanted to force a kid out of me (backed up by texts) and I disagreed. unfortunately one night we had relations and was unable to pull out which resulted in an argument. I asked her to take a shower and steps to prevent pregnancy and she refused to do anything about it.

This then became an argument of which she then laid a hand on me(I have texts of her apologizing for hitting me) and I took her home and ended the relationship then. She has now come to me stating she is pregnant and abortion is not an option (And I do respect her decision).

I have multiple concerns as she has a criminal record, has not finished high school thus cannot get a decent job, lives of family and child support, and I do not want to be apart of her scheme.

If she obtains full custody of the child, I would like to be as far away as the picture as possible and would not like to support her as this is what she has decided to do as a life career. and as a side note, I would not mind paying child support IF the child goes to an adoption home instead.

I have back up texts of all of the information provided above and would like to know what my options are.

A little about me is that I currently have no criminal record, currently in college as well as working in a corporate office and I currently Own my own home.

Thank you again for taking the time to read this

bottom line: if you impregnated her, she can sue to establish paternity. Once that has been determined, if you are the father, you have the right to seek custody and/or visitation. Once that is determined, child support will be addressed. You do not have the option of paying if she does something or not paying if she doesn't.


Your choice ended when you refused to use birth control.

You do realize that we are talking about your son or daughter here, right? Your child?! Your conceptions about how this works are incredibly off. Where to even begin?

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Quoting cal0101

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My question involves child support in the State of: Virginia

Hello guys!

First I would like to thank you for taking the time to read this as I believe that a lot of this information will be important for the case, And second, If you'd like to take on this case, Feel free to send me a message.

I have been seeing my EX (who has 4 kids from 2 different fathers, 1 father obtained full custody of one of her kids) for the last 2 months. In the beginning of the relationship I've made it clear that I did not want to have a children at my current age (which can be backed up by texts). throughout the relationship she began to become unstable with her anger issues (Currently takes depression medication and has a history of of anger management sessions. She also is currently on probation as well). At some point in the relationship she decided she wanted to force a kid out of me (backed up by texts) and I disagreed. unfortunately one night we had relations and was unable to pull out which resulted in an argument. I asked her to take a shower and steps to prevent pregnancy and she refused to do anything about it.

This then became an argument of which she then laid a hand on me(I have texts of her apologizing for hitting me) and I took her home and ended the relationship then. She has now come to me stating she is pregnant and abortion is not an option (And I do respect her decision).

I have multiple concerns as she has a criminal record, has not finished high school thus cannot get a decent job, lives of family and child support, and I do not want to be apart of her scheme.

If she obtains full custody of the child, I would like to be as far away as the picture as possible and would not like to support her as this is what she has decided to do as a life career. and as a side note, I would not mind paying child support IF the child goes to an adoption home instead.

I have back up texts of all of the information provided above and would like to know what my options are.

A little about me is that I currently have no criminal record, currently in college as well as working in a corporate office and I currently Own my own home.

Thank you again for taking the time to read this

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Okay, forget all about how the pregnancy is her fault, for starters. If you put a certain body part a certain place, you need to make sure that the other person involved is someone you would want to mother your child. Why would you do something like this with someone whom you obviously don't believe is making the right life choices? Who cares about text messages and blah, blah, blah? If you are doing something like that with someone else like her, that says eveything about YOU.
No judge is going to care that you sent her a message, except that it will make both of you look irresponsible.

There are no attorneys here who would "take your case" most likely. 99.9999999% guaranteed of that.

If she "obtains full custody," you don't want to be your child's father? What??? If she does get custody of the child, you will pay support. The judge will not care what you think about that. And you should be an active part of the child's life regardless. Doesn't seem like either you, who seems to have little understanding of the concept that we are talking about YOUR CHILD, nor mom, who also seems irresponsible, are really great options, honestly. You can't say I either want custody or I want nothing to do with my kid. Do you understand how ridiculously awful that is?


The child is NOT going to "an adoption home" (gonna be sick right here with how misconstrued your thinking is on the whole situation) unless both you and mom decide that would be the best choice for the child. You cannot force mom to place the child for adoption, certainly not because you think she isn't a great person.


You need a complete revamping of your entire mindset of the whole situation. It is inconceivable to me that anyone could have this thought process.



With all that said, the first thing you need to do after the child is born is get a DNA test.

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Quoting jk

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Your choice ended when you refused to use birth control.

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Even birth control is not a guarantee. Folks these days are way to "free" with their choice of activities, and then they get upset because of the "injustice" of a situation like this. The injustice is solely with the child. The other two people involved got exactly what was coming to them.

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Quoting FatherWhoWon

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Even birth control is not a guarantee. Folks these days are way to "free" with their choice of activities, and then they get upset because of the "injustice" of a situation like this. The injustice is solely with the child. The other two people involved got exactly what was coming to them.

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abstention is a form of birth control and 100% guaranteed. ;)

What a great point!

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You do realize that we are talking about your son or daughter here, right? Your child?! Your conceptions about how this works are incredibly off. Where to even begin?

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Yes I do understand this.

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Okay, forget all about how the pregnancy is her fault, for starters. If you put a certain body part a certain place, you need to make sure that the other person involved is someone you would want to mother your child. Why would you do something like this with someone whom you obviously don't believe is making the right life choices? Who cares about text messages and blah, blah, blah? If you are doing something like that with someone else like her, that says eveything about YOU.

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I understand

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No judge is going to care that you sent her a message, except that it will make both of you look irresponsible.

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Agreed

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If she "obtains full custody," you don't want to be your child's father? What??? If she does get custody of the child, you will pay support. The judge will not care what you think about that. And you should be an active part of the child's life regardless. Doesn't seem like either you, who seems to have little understanding of the concept that we are talking about YOUR CHILD, nor mom, who also seems irresponsible, are really great options, honestly. You can't say I either want custody or I want nothing to do with my kid. Do you understand how ridiculously awful that is?

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Do I have the option of obtaining full custody of the child?

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The child is NOT going to "an adoption home" (gonna be sick right here with how misconstrued your thinking is on the whole situation) unless both you and mom decide that would be the best choice for the child. You cannot force mom to place the child for adoption, certainly not because you think she isn't a great person.

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Please don't get the wrong idea of me, I've been thinking over and over again about this and decided to seek out help.. If I'm wrong the please point me to the nearest solution. I'm thinking about the kid here, I don't want the kid to be raised by someone like her.

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You need a complete revamping of your entire mindset of the whole situation. It is inconceivable to me that anyone could have this thought process.

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Then please revamp me

To make things clear, Its not that I want to brush the soon to be kid off and forget about it. I just want to make the right decision and If the way I was thinking is wrong, then please tell me whats right.

Bottom line is that She is not a suitable parent for the kid. As I asked above, do I have the option to file for full custody?

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With all that said, the first thing you need to do after the child is born is get a DNA test.

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Ok

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Even birth control is not a guarantee. Folks these days are way to "free" with their choice of activities, and then they get upset because of the "injustice" of a situation like this. The injustice is solely with the child. The other two people involved got exactly what was coming to them.

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I understand and by no means I am saying I'm not responsible because I am.

it goes like this:


if she is pregnant and the child is born, she can either refuse to seek to establish paternity or sue you to attempt to establish paternity.

If she refuses to attempt to establish paternity, you can sue to establish paternity.


If she is on welfare, there is no choice; the state will require her to disclose the presumed father. The state will initiate the paternity action.



Once paternity is established, if you are the father, you can attempt to seek sole custody. It is unlikely with a newborn that the father would be granted custody unless the mother is proven to be unfit.

After custody and visitation is settled, child support will be established.


Then life goes on.

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I'm thinking about the kid here, I don't want the kid to be raised by someone like her.

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unless she is proven unfit, that just isn't going to happen.

it goes like this:

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If she is on welfare, there is no choice; the state will require her to disclose the presumed father. The state will initiate the paternity action.

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She is not on welfare

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Once paternity is established, if you are the father, you can attempt to seek sole custody. It is unlikely with a newborn that the father would be granted custody unless the mother is proven to be unfit.

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What defines unfit?

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Then life goes on.

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Of course

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unless she is proven unfit, that just isn't going to happen.

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Would one parent being stable and the other not be categorized under unfit?

to prove a parent unfit takes a lot. More or less, unless she is a danger to the child or causes the child to be put in danger, she is not going to be deemed unfit.



as to her not being on welfare; that applies until the child is 18, or 21 in New York.

I forgot to mention our ages, I am 21 and she is 23.

Ok, what would you guys suggest for me to do in my situation? (Both Legal and non Legal advice would be great!)