Non-Custodian Mother Refuses to Follow Court Order

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: OH
Ok, so I won custody of my son 5 years ago and I knew that the road after was going to be a very bumpy one. My son is now 9 and he is in the third grade. How do I convince his mother that being active in sports is very important. Especially because my son is very talented he is quite the little athlete. He/We have made a commitment to select sports and he very deeply enjoys his extra curricular activities. Through out the custody battle I had been having issues with his mother bringing him to practices and games which in turn has lowered his playing time. So inserted into the custody paper work at one point is an order that she bring him to his extra curricular activities on her time. Her excuse for not bringing him always varies between her not having gas money, it takes away from her visitation time or just because she is mad at me. I had to move to a completely different town because she had ruined our reputation in the athletic community because of his attendance issues on her time. I think she has a control complex because she still cannot accept the fact that I am the custodian. I have always been commited to supporting her and my sons relationship. I have always been Mr. Nice Guy as well... I always put our son first and his best interest is constantly number one to me. His sports are very important to him but more importantly to me is his happiness. He is getting older and this cannot continue I am tired of him being hurt over something so ridiculous! I guess my question is, if she refuses to take him to extra curriculars can/should I refuse her visitation or offer an alternate time/date?

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Quoting Fire/Medic

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My question involves a child custody case from the State of: OH
Ok, so I won custody of my son 5 years ago and I knew that the road after was going to be a very bumpy one. My son is now 9 and he is in the third grade. How do I convince his mother that being active in sports is very important. Especially because my son is very talented he is quite the little athlete. He/We have made a commitment to select sports and he very deeply enjoys his extra curricular activities. Through out the custody battle I had been having issues with his mother bringing him to practices and games which in turn has lowered his playing time. So inserted into the custody paper work at one point is an order that she bring him to his extra curricular activities on her time. Her excuse for not bringing him always varies between her not having gas money, it takes away from her visitation time or just because she is mad at me. I had to move to a completely different town because she had ruined our reputation in the athletic community because of his attendance issues on her time. I think she has a control complex because she still cannot accept the fact that I am the custodian. I have always been commited to supporting her and my sons relationship. I have always been Mr. Nice Guy as well... I always put our son first and his best interest is constantly number one to me. His sports are very important to him but more importantly to me is his happiness. He is getting older and this cannot continue I am tired of him being hurt over something so ridiculous! I guess my question is, if she refuses to take him to extra curriculars can/should I refuse her visitation or offer an alternate time/date?

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You can file contempt since you have it in your order. Now I'm in Mi, so I am speaking on what I have seen here on this problem, Judges may put activities in an order, but then they rarely enforce them, so contempt gets ya know where.

I have a Niece that has the same problem with her ex. She has it in her order, and it has done little, he still won't take the kids to any activities. The court put it in her order, knew the problem, and they have yet to do anything on his ignoring the order. So she makes deals with him, yes she hates doing this because to her it is stupid he won't let the kids participate in anything. But the kids want to participate, so she is making sure they do. She offers to go get the kids(defeats his I don't have gas money), she offers to give him make up time, and she even offers bonus time when he still says no.

You should not refuse her visitation, that could come back to bite you, because it is for an activity. See what others here say on it, but that is my opinion of what to do.

I've seen an order that said mom was either to take the child to activities or make the child locally available for dad to take the child during mom's time. It did not have a provision for make-up time for mom, though I suspect that it may have been included if mom had known to ask for it.

If you bring this issue back to the judge, you may end up with something similar. In the meantime, try spinning the activities as a way for mom to actually be more involved with the child by coming to games/practices that occur on your time as well (documented via email, schedules and reminders of events). She might not do anything about it, but there is a chance she could, and at the very least, you will impress on the judge how much you want her to be involved.

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Quoting Fire/Medic

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My question involves a child custody case from the State of: OH
Ok, so I won custody of my son 5 years ago and I knew that the road after was going to be a very bumpy one. My son is now 9 and he is in the third grade. How do I convince his mother that being active in sports is very important. Especially because my son is very talented he is quite the little athlete. He/We have made a commitment to select sports and he very deeply enjoys his extra curricular activities. Through out the custody battle I had been having issues with his mother bringing him to practices and games which in turn has lowered his playing time. So inserted into the custody paper work at one point is an order that she bring him to his extra curricular activities on her time. Her excuse for not bringing him always varies between her not having gas money, it takes away from her visitation time or just because she is mad at me. I had to move to a completely different town because she had ruined our reputation in the athletic community because of his attendance issues on her time. I think she has a control complex because she still cannot accept the fact that I am the custodian. I have always been commited to supporting her and my sons relationship. I have always been Mr. Nice Guy as well... I always put our son first and his best interest is constantly number one to me. His sports are very important to him but more importantly to me is his happiness. He is getting older and this cannot continue I am tired of him being hurt over something so ridiculous! I guess my question is, if she refuses to take him to extra curriculars can/should I refuse her visitation or offer an alternate time/date?

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How far does mom have to drive to take him to activities?...since you apparently moved since the order was made.

I have such an item in my CO. It reads that the child shall be made available for extra-curricular activities. It means dad can take him or he can be sure he is available and I can take him. It does not state dad must take him. I do still offer make up time although it is not in the CO because it is our SON'S right to spend time with dad.
That was the biggest thing that was drummed into my head. Change your thought patterns that it isn't mom's or dad's right, it is the child's right to spend time with their parent.

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Quoting llworking

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How far does mom have to drive to take him to activities?...since you apparently moved since the order was made.

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This is an important question.

Also, from a completely realistic point of view, Dad may have a hard time convincing a judge that their 9 year old is exceptionally talented in a given sport.

12 or 13, I can understand. But 9? I'm not saying it's impossible to have a rising star at 9, but again the courts may be somewhat dubious.

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Quoting SESmama

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. Change your thought patterns that it isn't mom's or dad's right, it is the child's right to spend time with their parent.

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I wish we could sticky this one sentence! :)

[QUOTE=Dogmatique;706260]This is an important question.

Also, from a completely realistic point of view, Dad may have a hard time convincing a judge that their 9 year old is exceptionally talented in a given sport.

12 or 13, I can understand. But 9? I'm not saying it's impossible to have a rising star at 9, but again the courts may be somewhat dubious.

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I am a solid believer in sports for those who are talented, simply because they lead to college scholarships if nothing else. However, I am not sure that even at 12-13 its critical. I guess it depends on the sport itself and when it becomes critical for college scholarships. At 9....that is pushing the envelope....and dad choosing to move to another community because mom has damaged the child's sporting options at 9?...Way pushing the envelope.

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Quoting SESmama

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Change your thought patterns that it isn't mom's or dad's right, it is the child's right to spend time with their parent.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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I wish we could sticky this one sentence! :)

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I second the wish on the sticky for that one sentence. It makes me want to go back and reword my example of my Niece's case. The one little line here, now makes my reply not sound so good. I am big believer in activities for kids, I think they teach them a lot and keep them out of trouble. Split situations have 2 parenting choices, 2 parents with separate time and that it was comes first.

So with that in mind, my Niece should be offering dad the make up time, it's not a choice for her, because dad chooses different and it is his time. If she wants her kids to participate and some of it falls on dads time, and he wants his time, then the only right choice for her is to give him that time. I made it sound like in my post above, that dad is in the wrong, didn't mean to do that. Smack on my head for that one.