Visitation when Father Physically Abandoned Child

My question involves when a child lives with their mother in Ohio and the childs father moved to Georgia 2 years ago.

The father moved to Georgia 2 years ago for work and has not seen the child since then. There is a child support order in effect. The child in question is 3 years old. The fathers job is so demanding that he would not be able to have a normal visitation schedule (every other weekend & wednesdays or even 6 weeks of out of state visitation).

The mother would prefer that the father has no rights to see the child based on the physical abandonment and the fact that the child is a secret to just about every one in the fathers life.

The father has not asked for visitation yet but the mother is trying to be proactive.

What are the mothers options as far as custody and trying to restrict visitation?

Please clarify your use of the term "abandoned".

Did he leave the area with the child in your or another competant adult's care?

Or did he leave the child alone somewhere unsupervised when he moved away?

By abandonment I am just referring to the fact that he has not seen his child in 2 years. The 3 year old child could not pick his father out of a line up of 5 men. The child has absolutely no clue who he is.

If the father is paying support, your chances of removing visitation rights are nil.

If he does not exercise his visitation, there is no purpose served by attempting to restrict his visitation as it is a meaningless gesture.

If he cannot have a normal visitation schedule, then the courts are likely open to a modified visitation schedule to allow the father visitation in some fashion.

Rather than trying to shove the father out of the child's life, why don't you work to put him back into the child's life. After all, it is his father you are talking about.

Thank you for the responses.

I understand that he is the father of the child but he has in no way, shape or form (with the exception of child support) been really involved with the child. When he did live in Ohio, he would stop by once a month for an hour. He has not seen the child in 2 years. He has kept the child a secret from everyone in his life.

Would you trust your childs wellbeing with a man who has not been around and has kept the child a secret? What is during his visitation he were to harm the child?

I think the father coming and going as he pleases and not visiting on a consistant basis would do more harm to the childs wellbeing than good.

The father already has 3 other children who live in states different than the one he actually resides in. He barely, if any, sees them as it is.

The fact remains that if he is paying support, he has not abandoned the child under the legal definition and the court will NOT terminate his rights.

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. He has kept the child a secret from everyone in his life.

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why does that make any difference to you or the situation? I'll give you a hint: it doesn't

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Would you trust your childs wellbeing with a man who has not been around and has kept the child a secret?

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apparently you trusted the man enough to be in one of the most vulnerable situations a woman can ever place themselves in. If you would trust yourself in that position, why would you now distrust him to treat his own child with some respect and care?

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What is during his visitation he were to harm the child?

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the same as if you would harm the child while the child is with you.

You don't get to decide this issue on wild speculation. If you can prove he is a danger to the child, the court will back you on this. If you can't, it then becomes you attempting to prevent the father from seeing his child.

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I think the father coming and going as he pleases and not visiting on a consistant basis would do more harm to the childs wellbeing than good.

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that is something that can be addressed through the courts. Given his absence, if it is of his own doing, could allow you to have a modified order put in place that would require supervised visits and/or very limited visits until the child is reacquainted with the father.

I trusted the man enough to be in one of the most vulnerable situations a woman can ever place themselves in because I was absolutely fooled by him. I found out the real person he was when my child was 8 months old. This man lied about nearly everything he had ever told me.

I do not trust him with my child. He does not know my child. I understand that he is my childs biological father, but he has (other than financially, only because it's court ordered) NEVER acted as a father. He has flat out told me (after my child was born) that he does not want children.

He cannot commit to any type of visitation schedule because of his job. He cannot even commit to one day a week consistantly. How would that be good for a childs wellbeing?

so, what's the problem? He sends you money and doesn't attempt, or even appear to want to see the child. What is the problem with leaving things as they are?


and a child visitation schedule does not have to be so specific he would have to commit to a consistent day each week. You seem to be making excuses as to why he can't see the child rather than trying to find a way he can see the child.

Up until recently I was an open book on the subject of seeing my child. I have never told him no. But at this point I think it's a bit crazy that he has not seen my child in 2 years. Two years, 730 days, 730 chances to see his child and he cannot commit to seeing him once? I should just be okay with that and allow him to have years of physical abandonment and just allow it when he pops his head up as he pleases?

The only reason I was asking these questions about visitation is because I worry about what this will do to my child in the future. I was trying to be proactive. What if my childs father waits until my child in 6 or 7 and then decides he wants to all of a sudden show up like SUPERDAD? That is not fair to my child.

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Quoting ohiomama

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I should just be okay with that and allow him to have years of physical abandonment and just allow it when he pops his head up as he pleases?

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No, not at all. If there is no plan in place, you have no obligation to allow visitation. But you need to anticipate that if he SEEKS visitation, he will get it - unless you can prove that visitation would pose some immediate danger to the child. The courts want children to have TWO legal parents, even when one has been largely absent - and the courts like nothing more than to see a parent try to rekindle their relationship. Realistically, the court will be on dad's side doing the "ra ra ra, go dad" and will be supportive of any effort dad might make to become part of his child's life, even if sporadically. Again, unless you can prove some reason for the court to not support it.

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The only reason I was asking these questions about visitation is because I worry about what this will do to my child in the future. I was trying to be proactive. What if my childs father waits until my child in 6 or 7 and then decides he wants to all of a sudden show up like SUPERDAD? That is not fair to my child.

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It's not fair, but it's LEGAL. This IS the man you chose to be the father; he has constitutionally protected rights regarding his child, and the courts will keep open the CHILD's right to access to their parent - even if that access isn't being used or fostered at this time. Lots of things in life aren't fair, and children have to deal with growing up in the shadow of their parent's mistakes every day. If you're concerned about the impact on the child, then the proactive thing is to get the child into counseling - but the courts aren't going to cut the father out of the picture at this point and spending energy in that direction is really a fruitless endeavor.

If you're married and your husband wishes to adopt, that may be a potential pathway for change, but courts want children to have TWO parents, even if one is largely absent, and if dad is paying support, the courts aren't going to sever his parental rights nor restrict him from trying to establish and exercise them.

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Quoting ohiomama

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Up until recently I was an open book on the subject of seeing my child. I have never told him no. But at this point I think it's a bit crazy that he has not seen my child in 2 years. Two years, 730 days, 730 chances to see his child and he cannot commit to seeing him once? I should just be okay with that and allow him to have years of physical abandonment and just allow it when he pops his head up as he pleases?

The only reason I was asking these questions about visitation is because I worry about what this will do to my child in the future. I was trying to be proactive. What if my childs father waits until my child in 6 or 7 and then decides he wants to all of a sudden show up like SUPERDAD? That is not fair to my child.

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Realistically mom, that probably isn't going to happen...and if it does, until a court says otherwise (which means dad committing time and resources to get a court order) you are in charge of what kind of visitation dad gets. Leave things alone...they are unlikely to change...particularly if he has other children that he also doesn't see.

aardvarc - Thank you so much for your response. All I really wanted to know was how this whole thing would shake out and if I had any option to prevent his visitation for my childs wellbeing.

Again, thank you.

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Quoting ohiomama

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if I had any option to prevent his visitation for my childs wellbeing

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The problem you'll find is that the courts look at "wellbeing" on a much bigger scale than most parents do, and in different time frames. You're worried about dad popping up and wanting to be active at some time in the future of a young child - and yes, there could be some challenges for the child. But children are a lot more resilient than parents give them credit for. Look longer term...when your child is 24, and dad finds him on FaceBook - who will your child blame for the lost father/child relationship when dad says that you continually worked against visitation and purposefully kept him out? (yes, dad should have tried harder, but emotionally, guess who the child is going to blame - not dad). So when you say "protect" and "wellbeing", you have to put into perspective the WHOLE course of the child's life, not just worry about the short term. Given the internet, FaceBook, etc. - odds are pretty good that if either father or child want to, they'll be able to find each other. And you really don't want to be in the middle of the conversation about "where were you". If dad is going to fall down as an absent parent, let him do that on his own. You taking steps to PURPOSEFULLY keep dad away and not work toward encouraging a relationship, even with good short term intentions, bodes heavily for a lot of bitterness between you and your child later on in life.

And God forbid, should you ever step in front of a proverbial bus, odds are that the child is gonna hafta get to know dad, quick.

I plan to be very upfront and honest with my child as far as everything related to their father. I refuse to lie, he has missed out on the most incredible moments of my childs life and I will not withhold any information from my child. If they ask me, I will tell them.

The father has already stated that if anything were to happen to me, he would give custody to my parents (who have been around every day of my childs life) because his job/life doesn't give him the availability/stability that a child requires.

Here's to hoping my childs biological DNA donor never comes to his senses and realizes what a POS he really is.

Well, that's just a lovely attitude.