Can an Ex File for Child Support Arrears for a Child She Kept Me from Seeing

My question involves child support in the State of: Tennessee

I am currently married to a man that has NOT been allowed to see his child since he divorced his EX
in 1991, the child was 2 years old when they divorced. He never saw his child since the divorce and know one knew where
the child lived or was all these years because he had no contact with the Ex or the child. I have been married to this man
almost 19 yrs and we looked for the child but never could find her.

Well almost a year ago my hubby's EX (child's mother) some how found me on the internet and linked me with her EX
(my current hubby) and emailed me asking me who I was and if I was married to her EX hubby. Well in the email she stated that
her child wanted to meet her Dad (My Hubby) and I asked where has the child been all these years and why now all of a sudden
does she want the child to meet her dad? She stated that she kept the child from her dad all these years because she didn't think
the child was ready to see her dad or meet him, So the last time they saw each other was when the child was 2 yrs old. The
child is now 22 and will be 23 in June. So I was happy and excited for my hubby and told him about the EX wanting him to finally
see his child after all these years. The EX said she was not looking for child support or anything, she just wanted her child to get to know
her dad since she kept her away from him all these years.

Well we arranged a meeting and all met and have been in contact with them, the child even comes to our house and stays etc. Well when the
said child now 22 gets upset at us (her dad & me) she acts out and causes problems so a few days ago some issues transpired and now
my hubby's EX wife is looking into filing for Back Child Support for all these years since the child was 2. This has me worried because they don't
live very well and the EX just quit a great job at a hospital after 14yrs to just stay home and do nothing so now her hubby is the only one
working etc. The child that is now almost 23 just started working. I am now worried about what can happen, I myself have alot of health
issues,medical bills and just had heart surgery and the stress of all this is killing me.

My question is this.... Can the EX go after my hubby for back child support (22 years worth) even though she was the one that took the child and disappeared
and now all of a sudden wants the child to get to know her dad? I don't know the laws and don't have any kids myself so im trying to learn
and find out what our rights are. I need answers ASAP, thanks

Was he ever ordered to pay child support, and if so, what in what state did the order originate?

This was in Tennessee, I don't know if it was in the divorce papers or not and he does not remember
since the EX took the child and he never heard from her or seen her again up until recently. I plan on getting copies of the
divorce papers so we can see what they said. Thanks

That's absolutely the first step.

If there was no CS ordered (unlikely, but possible) then Mom has no recourse.

However if there was CS ordered, TN doesn't allow a defense of laches/estoppel when collecting on an already-existing child support order.

Ok but he also has 2 other kids that he was paying on from his 1st wife when we married and that ended
many years ago because they were over age and he was not in the arrears and that wife made sure she got her money. So with
that being the case, why would they not (the courts) have made him pay all these years knowing that he was already paying for
2 other kids that he was getting the right to see?

How can a system make a person pay child support for a child he has no clue about where the child lives and has no contact because the mother
kept the child from the dad knowingly ? That seems unfair in my opinion and just another way for the system to screw fathers/mothers etc.

Because the child still needs to eat.

Child support isn't a ticket to see the child.

Well maybe not but in my opinion a child should be allowed to see and grow up
with her father and shouldn't be the right of the EX to keep the child from the father for years only
to try and come out of the woodwork 22 yrs later to get money just for spite!! Cause in my opinion, thats
all it is. The child is 23 and now a working adult, why should the mother be intitled to any money period.
Law or no law!! This is BS...

Not that it's terribly important, but exactly WHAT has Dad done during the past 19 years to find his child?

Child support is meant to reimburse the parent for costs incurred raising the child. And remember, this IS a legal site. It's not a personal venting site.

Well we have been together almost 19 years and he had not seen his child in 22 yrs and had asked people about
the mom and where they might be etc, such as relatives that might know and so on. I do know that the EX has been
married 2 other times since she was married to my hubby(her Ex) and is still married now to the guy that has raised this child
as his own. The mother has worked the same job for the last 14 yrs until she decided to quit the end of Jan 2012 to sit on her
A$$. I'm guessing so she can collect free $$, who knows. The EX also has a grown son by another man who she also did not allow
see his child, Not sure if he was paying child support or not as I don't know much about that situation. Its all screwed up and I came to this
site hoping to get some good info or advice.

In other words, Dad's basically sat on his backside. Asking people? He could have filed emergency motions, he could have hired a PI - and yet still, the child deserved to be supported.


You've received the correct legal information. If there was an order for him to pay child support, he may well find himself paying up. Plus interest.

What Mom does is, legally, none of your business.

Step One - get copies of the judgment.

If a support order was issued, mom will be able to collect. Tennessee has no statute of limitations on the collection of child support and interest accrues at the rate of 12% per year (Tennessee Code Annotated § 36-5-101(f)(1)).

As Dog said, TN doesn't recognize the defense of laches in child support cases.

If you read through some of these threads, you'll see that posters are frequently told that support is not a ticket to see a child for CPs who try to deny visitation for non-payment. Even though dad wasn't seeing the child, he still had the obligation to support the child. It isn't free money. It's money that, if he was ordered to pay, is due to her for the cost of raising his child.

I get your frustration and anger. I do. But if a support order was in place she is entitled to collect.

Don't get me wrong, I understand as I was a child myself out of a divorce. I just think that the
laws suck where this is concerned, why should a mother be allowed to collect years after the fact just to be spiteful and
because she has decided to quit her full time job and sit on her butt. And when we met with her a several months ago before we
decided we even wanted to speak with the EX she said "this is not about money or wanting child support, my child wants to meet
her father.... But I chose to keep the child away all these years" How is this fair and how it can even be allowed baffles me, It
was not my hubby's fault he was kept away from his child cause we searched for her,asked around etc for years then gave up. Then
they found us.

I will be getting the copies of divorce papers next week and I hope and pray there is nothing in them about support since the laws back then
where alot different then they are now. So if they divorce papers say he was to pay child support, then what happens if she should decide to file
for back support ? Im not going to set and worry about it because I have health issues and can't handle the stress of all this just having heart surgery.
She may not do anything and just talking since she was pissed off, but u never know.

So do they make people pay this money all at once, do they jail you, take your home etc for the back support ? What actually happens in cases like this?
I have read many threads on here where people have not gotten money and so on but I know each case is different. I just want to know how my life
is going to be effected by this now as I am just the wife of the hubby involved.
Thanks

Quote:

---

Quoting Dolphin_Lover

---

[FONT=Comic Sans MS] I just think that the laws suck where this is concerned, why should a mother be allowed to collect years after the fact just to be spiteful and because she has decided to quit her full time job and sit on her butt.

---

And exactly who do you think was supporting the child without dad's help for all those years? The child support fairy? If she's sitting on her butt now, when the child is an adult, it's no one else's business. She's STILL owed any money that was accruing for all those years when she WASN'T sitting on her butt while supporting the minor child.

Quote:

---

How is this fair and how it can even be allowed baffles me, It was not my hubby's fault he was kept away from his child cause we searched for her,asked around etc for years then gave up. Then they found us.

---

If dad had an order for visitation, and visitation was denied, then HE needed to get off his butt YEARS ago to have visitation ENFORCED. The courts don't have ESP - until and unless dad brings a problem to the court's attention for help, nothing happens - that's how things are "allowed"....when no one bothers to take the steps for things to be done. If dad chose NOT to pursue the matter for all that time, he really has no room to complain. "Asking around" means nothing. How many family law attorneys did he consult, or how many MOTIONS did he file in COURT regarding his visitation? If the answer is "zero", then yes, dad's lack of visitation with his child is exactly 50% HIS fault.

Quote:

---

I will be getting the copies of divorce papers next week and I hope and pray there is nothing in them about support since the laws back then
where alot different then they are now. So if they divorce papers say he was to pay child support, then what happens

---

Then it's time to start seriously saving and going over your budget - because if a child support order has been in effect for all these years, dad is going to be many thousands of dollars behind and his monthly payments aren't going to be small.

Quote:

---

if she should decide to file for back support ?

---

The child is now an adult. If there's not already an order in place, mom can't get one at this point.

Quote:

---

So do they make people pay this money all at once, do they jail you, take your home etc for the back support ?

---

They start by setting up a monthly payment plan. If that doesn't get paid, then they can do other things, such as suspending drivers licenses, professional licenses, hunting/fishing licenses, garnishing wages, and things usually only escalate beyond those methods in dire circumstances.

Quote:

---

What actually happens in cases like this? I have read many threads on here where people have not gotten money and so on but I know each case is different. I just want to know how my life is going to be effected by this now as I am just the wife of the hubby involved.

---

If there is NOT already an order for support in place, then there should be no economic impact to you and hubby - it's way too late for mom to start the process of seeking money now. If there IS an order for child support in place, and arrears have been building up for all this time, hubby may be looking at a hefty new monthly payment until support is paid off.


For the benefit of others reading this post, take this case as an important lesson:

If you marry a person who has children, you NEED to know what their divorce decree says about child support - and you need to know this BEFORE you marry and entangle your financial lives together - lest you find yourselves a decade into a marriage and hear "I don't remember if I'm supposed to be paying child support", and find out there's a debt of many thousands, or even hundreds of thousands, of dollars hanging over your spouse's head - a debt that cannot be discharged with bankruptcy, and can be attached to wages, property, and can even result in incarceration in extreme cases. It's not a romantic conversation to have - but it's an absolutely vital one unless you're willing to risk being financially blindsided down the road.