Father and Grandfather Being Set-Up

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: ohio

my son has a son that is almost 2. the mother comes from a very wealthy family who can afford a good lawyer. she is several years older than my son max. max is a "seasonal worker" tree trimer. i have to admit my son has laxed on his child support. i myself am upset by this. but the mother puts a "wall up" when it times for max to come see his son. she makes it very uncomfortable when he is there to see the child. so needless to say max hasnt been there much. but because he isnt making his support payments, the mother is very upset because this interfers with her benifits from the state..yes, shes on public assistance. when i went to ohio last month i got max a parttime job that now takes his support out of his check. this is good news that the support is being paid!!

two days ago my son's father, joe got a restraining order from the birth mother not to try and come see the grandson. she says he has become creepy and stalking her to see the grandson. he has called several time to make arrangements to come visit, but she doesnt answer his calls. he was working in the area and dropped by. i know that the grandfather is a very good man and person. there is no way that she has any reason to fear joe. joe took custody of max and raised him. there is no one that would say a bad word against joe. in these days and times he is a good one. we feel that the mother is trying to make a case to take the son away and not let us have anything to do with him. i live far south in ky and am no threat. my son and his father are good people. we want to be in our grandsons life, but are not rich in any way. what can we do to get help for my son? susanwarf

What is your son doing to enforce his visitation?

Don't get involved. Let them play their drama out.

max has been afraid to go over there because he hasnt been paying. there is a support order but no visitation order. she has let him come over on mondays for a few minutes and thats about it. i had said something about letting him take the son over to his dads on sundays to spend the day and she hit the roof. i think thats why she is making it seem like the grandfather is creeping her out. that would be the best place for max to see his son. he lives in a house with 3 other guys, and i dont blame her for not wanting the son there. but the grandfathers place is fine. we dont want to play dirty and bring up things that would make this an ugly battle. there is no reason to scar people in a fight. we just want to see the baby. i told joe (grandfather) that i would do what i could to help. he is devestated. he doesnt even have a traffic ticket! but he is a simple man with very simple ways. grows his own food. and doesnt even have a cell phone or internet..i dont think my son, who was also raised this way are smart or savy enough to fight a fair fight. they would be bowled over in a new york minute. if i didnt believe that the grandson wouldnt be well taken care if i would say so. but these 2 men are the salt of the earth. my grandson is in no harm or danger, she just picked a poor boy to have a fling with. when max found out she was a herion user he stopped seeing her and 6 months later she calls him with the news she was pregant and he may or may not be the father. well the d.n.a says he is, but she had a couple of guys tested. i really dont think she was happy about it being max. but if she wanted public assistance, she had to him tested. we are sure its because she is afraid of losing her benifits. if max isnt paying his support or half the medical bills, it somehow effects how much she gets.

If the DNA says he's the father, that's pretty conclusive, regardless of how many guys she had tested.

Quote:

---

Quoting susanwarf

---

max has been afraid to go over there because he hasnt been paying

---

Child support and visitation are two separate issues. The courts typically don't punish the CHILD by curbing visitation based on failure to pay support. If he's been afraid to go over there because mom is going to badger him about support, then he'll either need to (a) pay up, or (b) tolerate the badgering, or (c) not go - but (c) is the option where the CHILD suffers.

Quote:

---

there is a support order but no visitation order

---

Here's the root of the problem. Without an order for visitation, mom can deny any and all contact. That means she'll have dad, and by association, you, wrapped around her little finger until the child reaches 18. No order means mom can say "jump", and he either jumps to her satisfaction and gets rewarded by her with visitation, or he'll disappoint or annoy her (like not paying support), and she'll exact a little rough justice of her own by denying visitation - since there is no order in place to the contrary. And, odds are, she'll just keep raising the carrot higher over time. Court orders for visitation establish dad's rights and give him an avenue to have visitation ENFORCED - forcing mom to allow visitation as the court has found to be in the best intrest of the child - without all the "gaming". Without such an order, he's legally dead in the water and subject to whatever moods or whims suit mom's fancy.

Quote:

---

we just want to see the baby

---

Then assist your son in getting to court, establishing a visitation order, and you'll be able to visit your grandchild during dad's visitation time.

Quote:

---

I dont think my son, who was also raised this way are smart or savy enough to fight a fair fight. they would be bowled over in a new york minute.

---

That's why he needs an attorney. Someone to fight FOR him.

Quote:

---

she just picked a poor boy to have a fling with

---

Just remember, they picked each other.

Quote:

---

when max found out she was a herion user he stopped seeing her and 6 months later she calls him with the news she was pregant and he may or may not be the father. well the d.n.a says he is, but she had a couple of guys tested. i really dont think she was happy about it being max. but if she wanted public assistance, she had to him tested.

---

Yep, she'd have been required to go down the list of who she'd been sleeping with until the correct, liable, father could be identified so the state could go after him to reimburse the taxpayers for benefits paid out for the child and to support the child going forward.

Quote:

---

we are sure its because she is afraid of losing her benifits.

---

Absolutely. But then again, it's not the taxpayers job to support other people's children.

Quote:

---

if max isnt paying his support or half the medical bills, it somehow effects how much she gets.

---

Yes, it lessens the amount because then the taxpayers have to cover amounts HE isn't paying, and the state takes that money back.

i am so grateful for your advice. i wil try and find a public defender to help my son and his father. we wont let ryry be taken from us over false charges. joe is worried because he says he sees the wealty drag these things out for so long that most people give up trying to fight. i am a waitress and by no means have much money, but of course ill do what i can to help be there and support him. i have some vacation time and will go to ohio to be there and show a united front. susanwarf

You need to realize that you have absolutely no say in this whatsoever.

Your son can't complain about not seeing the child if he hasn't set up visitation. Sorry, but that's on him.

Grandparent visitation will not happen in this situation.

im not sure if my last post got posted. i know there is nothing i can do. but i hate seeing 3 people get hurt. i know that joe and max arent court savy, and neither am i hence being here. but i want to guide max in the right direction. we are working on getting him a better job, so he can pay child support more regular. he is at least on speaking terms with her, which is a good sign. i hope things dont go south when he trys for a solid visitation. when joe and i broke up years ago, we didnt fight in front of max. we never brought him in the middle of it, nor did we say mean things to him about each other. he grew up with 2 parents who showed him nothing but love. thats all we want out of this. for ryland to have 2 sets of family that love him. thats why i told max to stay calm and not fight with her. i know that is harder to do than to just let loose with hurtful mean things. i talked to my other grandsons parents and they know there are no grandparents rights in ohio. so i know there isnt anything i can legally do. jacob has grandparents in ohio, ky and flordia. but lucky for him, everyone is on the same page and he will grow up just knowing the love every child deserves!!