Wife Absconded with Our Daughter to Another State

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Iowa. My wife ran away with our infant daughter of 5 weeks on March 8 to someplace in Franklin County Missouri. She was making allegations that I was sexually molesting our daughter even though 3 different doctors in two different states examined her and stated it was not true. Then she alleged I was trying to harm her and our daughter and provided symptoms of anxiety and panic as her suspected reason for this. When that failed, she then alleged she feared I wanted to divorce her and have a marital relationship with our daughter. The police officer in all his infinite wisdom advised her to take our daughter and a car and leave to Missouri as I was at work and could do nothing about it.

Since that day I have had no contact with my wife and the only information I have about our daughter is from a social service worker that I got involved and she will only provide information to my attorney based on the wishes of my wife and has done so only one time and that was over 2 weeks ago, stating she has no reason to believe any allegation my wife has made, that she is concerned that my wife has solidified a lot of fictional events in her mind as fact and that my wife will not take a mental health assessment...but that my daughter is OK. She says the situation isn't "dire enough" to do a removal.

I've been left with no choice but to file for dissolution of our marriage (I am still in love with her) and ask for custody of our now 9 week old daughter. The petition and a first custody hearing on March 25 were sent to Franklin County to be served on March 18, but the deputies were unable to find her and her family provided them 4 different addresses all of which were false addresses for her. The hearing was then continued to April 1 and I was advised by a deputy that they did manage to find my wife at her brothers home and serve her on March 27.

I'm employed working with special needs adults (also retired military and retired law enforcement), have a great daycare plan set up if I get custody while I am at work that involves our daughter being able to interact with other children of her age as well as family, I believe that two parents should raise a child even if they can't get along and that no matter the animosity between the mom and dad, they have to have the best interest of the child at heart and never...NEVER should one of them deny the other the ability to be a parent or be involved in their children's lives. I did not want this divorce...I've been painted into a corner and by Iowa law it's the ONLY way to get custody of our daughter so she is in a safe, healthy and stable environment where she not only has what she needs, but can also be provided what I believe is in her best interest.

My wife is unemployed, been allowed to get Missouri welfare...that's her only means of income.

I believe my wife would have done an appropriate act IF any of the allegations she thought were true...but they weren't and had been discounted by professionals in the medical, law enforcement and now the social services realm repeatedly yet she still insist they are true. Her physician here suspected postpartum issues based on traumatic events in her past involving her being molested as a child, past drug use and a 10 year period of incarceration for an assualt involving a weapon have generated all this.

So now, what happens if she doesn't show up or shows and doesn't bring our daughter with her?

If she doesn't take any action through the Missouri courts, such as trying to seek (temporary) emergency jurisdiction under the UCCJEA, and the Iowa court has ordered her to return the child to Iowa, then the court could attempt to impose some form of sanction on her if she does not comply with the order. One way or another, though, if the child is in another state and mom continues to refuse to comply with a court order to return the child to Missouri, it's going to fall on you to get an order of custody, take the necessary steps to enforce it in the other state, and secure appropriate assistance to recover the child in that state.

The court is going to go with its impression of you, your spouse, and the facts and arguments presented in court. It's thus difficult to predict whether the judge is going to decide that a strong action will help, or if your spouse should be given additional time to comply before any type of contempt proceeding or penalty is imposed.

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Quoting ofcrdave

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My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Iowa. My wife ran away with our infant daughter of 5 weeks on March 8 to someplace in Franklin County Missouri. She was making allegations that I was sexually molesting our daughter even though 3 different doctors in two different states examined her and stated it was not true.

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Actually, they can only state that they found no evidence or injury indicating molestation. No physician can unequivocally state that nothing took place. In other words, not all molestation leaves a trace. (Not accusing you, just making clear that just because a physican didn't find injury, that doesn't magically make such an accusation instantly go away with authorities.)

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Then she alleged I was trying to harm her and our daughter and provided symptoms of anxiety and panic as her suspected reason for this.

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What, if any, treatment did she seek for her anxiety issues? How long did she have anxiety at this level?

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When that failed, she then alleged she feared I wanted to divorce her and have a marital relationship with our daughter.

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Have you spoken to mom's physician and informed them of these events? Your wife may be experiencing a psychotic episode; possibly related to post partum issues.

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The police officer in all his infinite wisdom advised her to take our daughter and a car and leave to Missouri as I was at work and could do nothing about it.

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Nothing unlawful about that, but probably would have been better if they'd referred her to a mental health specialist - although the reality is that most people tend to react less than cordially when such things are suggested to them, and they seldom actually SEEK that help on their own. And, unless there was some reason to think she posed an immediate danger to herself or the child, her being paranoid about you and the baby doesn't leave law enforcement any action to take.

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Since that day I have had no contact with my wife and the only information I have about our daughter is from a social service worker that I got involved and she will only provide information to my attorney based on the wishes of my wife and has done so only one time and that was over 2 weeks ago, stating she has no reason to believe any allegation my wife has made, that she is concerned that my wife has solidified a lot of fictional events in her mind as fact and that my wife will not take a mental health assessment...but that my daughter is OK. She says the situation isn't "dire enough" to do a removal.

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Sadly, yes, unless there's some reason to think that mom poses a danger to the child, a removal by social services isn't going to be pursued.

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I've been left with no choice but to file for dissolution of our marriage (I am still in love with her) and ask for custody of our now 9 week old daughter.

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Unless mom gets to a place where she's willing to either believe you that no funny business is happening, and unless she's willing to get herself some professional help to deal with the anxiety and the issues underlying it, she's really left you with no other choice here except to invite the courts into the situation.

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The petition and a first custody hearing on March 25 were sent to Franklin County to be served on March 18, but the deputies were unable to find her and her family provided them 4 different addresses all of which were false addresses for her. The hearing was then continued to April 1 and I was advised by a deputy that they did manage to find my wife at her brothers home and serve her on March 27.

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ok

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I did not want this divorce...I've been painted into a corner and by Iowa law it's the ONLY way to get custody of our daughter so she is in a safe, healthy and stable environment where she not only has what she needs, but can also be provided what I believe is in her best interest.

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You've been painted into the corner by MOM. It's not just Iowa law, it's everywhere; married parents have the same rights regarding their children until a court adjudicates otherwise. As long as you're married and have equal rights to the child, mom can take the child, and you can hunt the child down and bring the child back. Then mom can take off with the child again. And you can bring it back. Whichever parent has the child in their immediate care has total control, and short of a court order or serious exigent circumstance, there's nothing the other parent can do about it except try to hide the child better the next time. Ruthless games.

The way to have that not happen is for the rights regarding the child to no longer be equal. When one parent is determined to stop acting as a unified family with the other parent, neither you nor the courts can force her home with the child or to share the child within the marriage, so the way to address the issue is via the process of divorce, where a court determines who will be primarily raising the child, and to what extent and under what conditions the other parent is allowed contact/visitation. In your case, since mom now has a history of taking the child and running and hiding, based on allegations that there is no evidence of, then what you do is exactly what you've done; you file for divorce, seek primary custody, and ask that mom's visitation occur under supervision, as there are pretty obvious indicators that she's at risk to take the child and run again and to willfully and purposefully keep you from your child. Because mom's mental state and mental health are at the crux of the situation, you can ask the court to order that visitation be ONLY under supervision, until and unless mom submits herself for a mental health evaluation and that evaluation convinces the court that the need for supervision no longer exists. That way it's on mom to either submit to evaluation, or accept supervision indeterminately.

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My wife is unemployed, been allowed to get Missouri welfare...that's her only means of income.

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How long have you been married? (anticipation of her seeking alimoney?)

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I believe my wife would have done an appropriate act IF any of the allegations she thought were true...but they weren't and had been discounted by professionals in the medical, law enforcement and now the social services realm repeatedly yet she still insist they are true. Her physician here suspected postpartum issues based on traumatic events in her past have generated all this.

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Sounds in the ballpark, yep.

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So now, what happens if she doesn't show up or shows and doesn't bring our daughter with her?

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If she doesn't show, you can ask the court to rule in your favor on every item you've asked for (custody, visitation rules, etc.) and ask that the court order the immediate return of the child to your care as the custodial parent. Armed with that order, you and local law enforcement (particularly the sheriff's office, as arms of the court) go find and GET your daughter.

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What, if any, treatment did she seek for her anxiety issues? How long did she have anxiety at this level?

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My wife had been getting treatment from a psychiatrist since 2011 due to the traumatc life she had growing up and prior to our marriage. The psychiatrist advised me to watch for changes in her behavior during and after the pregnancy and report them to our doctor. They started appearing about 2 weeks after delivery and I followed her advice only to be ignored as they would ask her if she was "OK" and she'd reply yes she was, so their logic was since they didn't know what her normal behaviors were they couldn't say she was acting outside of them.

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Have you spoken to mom's physician and informed them of these events? Your wife may be experiencing a psychotic episode; possibly related to post partum issues.

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Yes, as stated above. Our doctor said he "believed" or "suspected" postpartum issues..possibly psychosis, yet since every time they asked her if she was "OK" and she'd say yes, they said they could do nothing.

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Nothing unlawful about that, but probably would have been better if they'd referred her to a mental health specialist -

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She told the officer she did not want to leave and that we had a counseling appointment for the same day she called (it was just after midnight). He took her statement, annotated his report as a "Civil custody issue" then called her back a half hour later and reminded her she could leave. May not be unlawful...but not very smart. The allegations she had made against me were felonious and warranted investigation if they were true...instead he chose to tell her to take our child and leave. He should have called me I believe as he had been told before she had possible postpartum issues.

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You've been painted into the corner by MOM. It's not just Iowa law, it's everywhere; married parents have the same rights regarding their children until a court adjudicates otherwise. As long as you're married and have equal rights to the child, mom can take the child, and you can hunt the child down and bring the child back. Then mom can take off with the child again. And you can bring it back.

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Not in this case. Missouri has a law against parents absconding with a child in the manner my wife did, so if I went there and found her somehow and did the same she did, I could face felony kidnapping charges. Unreal huh?

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How long have you been married? (anticipation of her seeking alimoney?)

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Less than 2 1/2 years

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If she doesn't show, you can ask the court to rule in your favor on every item you've asked for (custody, visitation rules, etc.) and ask that the court order the immediate return of the child to your care as the custodial parent. Armed with that order, you and local law enforcement (particularly the sheriff's office, as arms of the court) go find and GET your daughter.

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A new caveat...during all this I had advised my attorney that I had concerns about what my wife would do once she was served and asked that she request the social worker to accompany the deputy when she was served and advise her that now the court was involved she should seek legal counsel herself and adhere to the court orders and directives. The social worker stated she didn't have time to "babysit" and the deputy served her on Wednesday March 27. I called them to ask they do a welfare check on our daughter and explained my concerns which the deputy that served the papers stated they felt it was a vaild concern due to how she acted at the time...now they can't find her again.

Thanks for all the responses and for breaking it down into each area. Waiting for April 1, to have our hearing and praying things go well. Thanks again!

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Not in this case. Missouri has a law against parents absconding with a child in the manner my wife did, so if I went there and found her somehow and did the same she did, I could face felony kidnapping charges. Unreal huh?

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"Could face" is VERY broad. Can be pretty certain local police aren't gonna get involved, so if you were to locate and without incident or disturbance bring the child back into your own control, and mom went to police, they'd take a report and forward it to the DA, who'd then decide what to do with it.

The important part of the statute (565.153) you're missing, which would apply to both you AND mom is the part "without good cause". As wrong as mom might be about her reasons due to her skewed vision of events in her current state of mental health, they're good reasons to HER (effectively negating an argument of intent, which is why she's not being charged, even though she's obviously in violation of the other portions of the statute). On your side, you're dealing with a mom with some pretty apparant mental anguish and possible major anxiety and paranoia issues, and who has already taken actions to hide the child from you, so you TOO have strong "good cause" to question mom's judgment and thus the child's safety. The intent of the law here is to deter parents from keeping the child from the other parent for selfish reasons or to punish the other parent. That's why the statute includes the verbage regarding "good cause". This is a crime of criminal INTENT, rather than simply a defined action. This is why the filing for custody quickly is so important, because you need an order so that the very first part of the statute can be met, keeping you safe from the issue (565.153. 1. In the absence of a court order determining rights of custody or visitation to a child)

But given the documentation of the issues here, while it might be technically POSSIBLE, I can't imagine a DA realistically thinking of bringing a criminal charge against you - a 1st year law student defending the case could run rings around the "good cause" issue. The hard part is finding a way to take the child back which doesn't include some problematic element such as trespassing, burglary, creating a disturbance, etc. That's why you probably have a strong case to be able to reclaim the child without a criminal action being brought against you, but the BEST course is to get filing and get that order from the judge in hand and go get the child WITH a law enforcement escort to enforce the court's order.

Please do be sure to come back and give us an update if you get a chance!

I would like to point out, just for the record, that if someone is showing signs of paranoia, then doing the kinds of things that dad has been doing (in his attempt to find/make sure the child is ok) is going to increase that paranoia. Once dad files for custody, its going to get worse.

Yep, mom has already moved the child more than once in response to her perception that dad or others may be coming for the child. It promises to get worse before it gets better.

Which does not constitute a reason for Dad to roll over and play dead.

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Quoting cbg

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Which does not constitute a reason for Dad to roll over and play dead.

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No, it does not. However, it might have been a reason to wait a couple of weeks before starting anything at all, in case mom's reaction was post partum related and she came to her senses. However, at this point probably his only choice is to move forward.

And in a couple of weeks she might have been...where?