Establishing Paternity of a 13-Year-Old With a Presumed Father

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Quoting Dancroft

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Well that's why I came here to start with to utilize greater minds than my own. I don't know what's right here or wrong to be honest only that I have a strong desire to help this child avoid what I went through so don't be fickle with your comments. If there's a point to be missed lets not play the guessing game say it out loud.

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Dan, I know you're incredibly concerned at what has just been thrown into your life.

But you've got to be realistic. You got some information which may be questionable to begin with; and you're now talking about visitation etc., with a child you don't know. There is at least a chance that the court will simply deny your petition. You have to be ready to accept that. You don't know for sure if you're Dad or not, and you're putting the cart WAY before the horse.

And then we get to the autism (Asperger's is no longer recognized as a separate condition). You are assuming this 13 year old is autistic. You can't make that assumption - truly. But even if he is, that does NOT mean that he cannot or has not developed bonds and roots. You're making a huge generalization which actually doesn't apply to MANY autistic people. You're assuming that if you don't get involved, he'll end up in jail. Where on earth is THAT coming from?

The bottom line is that you're way ahead of yourself and you seriously need to step back. Take several steps back. Don't many assumptions. You don't know this child at all - you may find that your expectations are completely inappropriate.

Y'know?

I understand what your saying and its all logical. This side conversation came about randomly. I began this thread in hopes of finding out some hard facts about the possible out comes and perhaps a few avenues of study that would better prepare me for what may be a on coming battle in this situation. Its gone down a few philosophical side roads sense then.

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Quoting Dancroft

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I understand what your saying and its all logical. This side conversation came about randomly. I began this thread in hopes of finding out some hard facts about the possible out comes and perhaps a few avenues of study that would better prepare me for what may be a on coming battle in this situation. Its gone down a few philosophical side roads sense then.

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We do that sometimes :)

I've not committed myself to the fact that the child's mine But when you consider all the relevant data it would give you a reasonably accurate conclusion. He's the right age, the right hair color, the right body type, his picture looks just like me at that age and I was told I had Asperger's at 22 and was institutionalized from 13 to 18. You cant escape the logic.

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Quoting Dancroft

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I've not committed myself to the fact that the child's mine But when you consider all the relevant data it would give you a reasonably accurate conclusion. He's the right age, the right hair color, the right body type, his picture looks just like me at that age and I was told I had Asperger's at 22 and was institutionalized from 13 to 18. You cant escape the logic.

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Like I said before, my nephew was dx in his mid teens. He's stable, married, with a wee one of his own.

And I have to say (I've said this before ;) ):

I have two stepdaughters. I'm married to their stepfather (both bio parents died). We are frequently told that #1 looks like me (but thinner), and #2 looks like my husband.

We're not blood related at all.

:)

And I have been told that my SD looks like me. No blood relationship.

I can't count the number of times I've been asked if my best friend and I are twins. We're not even sisters. No blood relationship.

My own mother thinks that Doggie and I look enough alike to be sisters. No blood relationship.

Ah your a female, that would explain your rational well put together complete sentences and good advice as well as quick responses.

- - - Updated - - -

I do understand that appearances are not a good enough reason. I'm not tiring to delude myself. I may appear somewhat over zealous do to the fact that I don't have any bio kids of my own. I will admit I'm experiencing some unexpected sensations at the idea I have a son and they are no doubt causing me to over analyze this situation.

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Quoting Dancroft

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Ah your a female, that would explain your rational well put together complete sentences and good advice as well as quick responses.

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So men are irrational and slow? Lol.

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Quoting cbg

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And I have been told that my SD looks like me. No blood relationship.

I can't count the number of times I've been asked if my best friend and I are twins. We're not even sisters. No blood relationship.

My own mother thinks that Doggie and I look enough alike to be sisters. No blood relationship.

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LOL that's very true. Even the nurses in the hospital thought that!

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Quoting llworking

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This child is 13 years old and you are going to tear his world apart. You are going to take away a full 1/2 of what he believed about himself.

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I believe that every person has the fundamental right to know who their biological parents are. If Dan is the father, a full 1/2 of what the child believes about himself is false. I can't agree that it is in a child's best interest to be deceived. Would you think it was appropriate for adoptive parents to deceive a child that the child had been adopted? Advocating that bio parents let sleeping dogs lie is tantamount to that. No one is better off being deceived about their genetic history.

Breaking the news has to be done in an age appropriate manner, of course, but of course it can be done age appropriately.

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Quoting androidluvr

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I believe that every person has the fundamental right to know who their biological parents are. If Dan is the father, a full 1/2 of what the child believes about himself is false. I can't agree that it is in a child's best interest to be deceived. Would you think it was appropriate for adoptive parents to deceive a child that the child had been adopted? Advocating that bio parents let sleeping dogs lie is tantamount to that. No one is better off being deceived about their genetic history.

Breaking the news has to be done in an age appropriate manner, of course, but of course it can be done age appropriately.

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There's a rather large difference between knowing your genetic history and having your life completely disrupted.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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There's a rather large difference between knowing your genetic history and having your life completely disrupted.

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Knowing your genetic history doesn't have to mean granting visitation to a bio parent but it does have to mean a DNA test. And a DNA test would require that Dan do something rather than just let sleeping dogs lie.

If Dan's his bio dad, I believe the kid has a right to know and that it is not in his best interest to be deceived about that.

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Quoting androidluvr

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Knowing your genetic history doesn't have to mean granting visitation to a bio parent but it does have to mean a DNA test. And a DNA test would require that Dan do something rather than just let sleeping dogs lie.

If Dan's his bio dad, I believe the kid has a right to know and that it is not in his best interest to be deceived about that.

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I'm not disputing that it's important for a child to know their genetic heritage - but that's NOT the question here. THIS thread is about visitation, and the possibility of disestablishing paternity.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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THIS thread is about visitation, and the possibility of disestablishing paternity.

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This thread has expanded to include a number of topics, including autism.