How to Recant a Police Report for Domestic Violence

My question involves criminal law for the state of: Indiana

My boyfriend went to jail 2 days ago because we got into a fight and he hit me in the face on accident and left a goose egg and he held me down by my throat with his arm to calm me down. I was mad and upset already and called my mom which ended badly. The cops ended up showing up and I had to fill out a police report. I felt pressured by my dad who showed up to fill it out and I was scared. My bf is on probation and is possibly looking at serving his 3 years in prison. I told the cop I didnt want him arrested and they took him anyway. I called the prosecutor and told them it was all a misunderstanding and I wasnt even the one who called the cops and I didnt want him in trouble. Now his probation is saying they can charge me and I dont wanna go to jail or get in trouble. I dont know what Im suposed to do,should I call his lawyer and tell him my situation? The probation is against my bf

He didnt mean to hurt me. I was freaking out due to stress of my uncle being in a coma and he was trying to calm me down and I got even madder when he was holding me down. My dad never liked my bf to begin with so it didnt help matters any. Ive been angry alot lately due to my uncles position and I over reacted and it made everything worse. He doesnt deserve to be in prison for 3 years. If I call his lawyer and explain the situation will it help any?

Hon, you need to do two things.

1. Accept that he's an abuser who needs treatment for his anger issues

2. Stand up for yourself.

Because next time, you might be the one ending up in a coma.

There is help available to you. Letting him off doesn't help you, or him.

I strongly encourage you to contact a local domestic violence program or counselor. Immediately. You really need some assistance to help you gain some perspective on what happened to you and to understand that this is NOT an isolated incident.

I can tell you most likely what is going to happen and it is your choice what you’re going to do.

Your BF will be charged no matter what you do. However, the evidence against your BF is most likely not enough to prove the case without your testimony. If you are not willing to cooperate the prosecutor might eventually stop pursuing the case but it can take many months and there is nothing you can do.

What you can try do:

- Do NOT talk to the prosecutor, police. Ever! Stop talking about the case to anybody!
- If your BF has a defense attorney sign an affidavit that you do not whish to pursue the case.
- Do not take the subpoena and do not go to court!
- If it was really an accident you must tell that if you go to court! The “I don’t remember” is a perfectly good anwer to anything!

I personally feel that hitting someone accidentaly in the face which causes such visible injury is rather unlikely, but I was not there and I don’t know what happened. You do and you have to evaluate who’s fault it was!

You are not the first who got into the situation when regretting ever calling or talking to the police.

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Quoting Mark2010

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Your BF will be charged no matter what you do. However, the evidence against your BF is most likely not enough to prove the case without your testimony.

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Doubtful. Most prosecutors expect victims to go sideways on them because more than 3/4 do. They are often prepared to proceed even with uncooperative victims.

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If your BF has a defense attorney sign an affidavit that you do not whish to pursue the case.

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Unless it is a process presented by the prosecutor, this is unlikely to have any end result.

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Do not take the subpoena and do not go to court!

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That's a GREAT way to be charged with a crime!

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If it was really an accident you must tell that if you go to court! The “I don’t remember” is a perfectly good anwer to anything!

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Great! Suggesting perjury! Wonderful advice!

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I personally feel that hitting someone accidentaly in the face which causes such visible injury is rather unlikely, but I was not there and I don’t know what happened. You do and you have to evaluate who’s fault it was!

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Victims' perspectives are most often skewed by a strange sense of loyalty, need, etc. towards the abuser.

So, what is your point here? Are you a man who has been charged with abuse? Or, do you just feel that domestic violence is an acceptable act perpetrated by a man against a woman?

I was responding to the original post and NOT you!

The question is who are YOU? You know everything better than the “victims” themselves? You solve all their problems by sending them to shelters and counseling what they do not even want? Who thinks it is ok to rip families apart based on solely accusations which may not even be true? Guilty without trial?
Or you simply live off money funneled into shelters and counseling programs by our government and you try to make sure you have enough “victims” to keep the money flowing? Is it ok to make mothers and fathers single parents when they do NOT want it but the “justice system” intrudes their lives and rips their families apart?

BTW: Avoiding a subpoena is NOT a crime! Not going to court if you got one is! Stop responding to my posts please!

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Quoting Mark2010

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I was responding to the original post and NOT you!

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And your advice could very well lead to her incarceration and continued victimization. Clearly your understanding of the issue of domestic violence is cursory at best.

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The question is who are YOU? You know everything better than the “victims” themselves?

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*I* am the guy that helps put abusers away and provides alternatives to victims so that they can live better more healthy lives. *I* am the guy that goes to the autopsies of victims who fail to heed the warnings and shield their abusers once too often. *I* am the guy that has to accompany CPS when they seize children who witness ongoing DV because mom refuses to choose their wellbeing over her abuser's. *I* am the guy who has to deal with the children of abusers who enter into similar relationships as dear old mom and dad (i.e. the girls find abusers, and the boys do the abusing).

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You solve all their problems by sending them to shelters and counseling what they do not even want? Who thinks it is ok to rip families apart based on solely accusations which may not even be true? Guilty without trial?

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Oh, please ... no one is convicted without a trial or a plea. Leave the drama for the 13-year-old girls ... that forum is to the left.

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Or you simply live off money funneled into shelters and counseling programs by our government and you try to make sure you have enough “victims” to keep the money flowing? Is it ok to make mothers and fathers single parents when they do NOT want it but the “justice system” intrudes their lives and rips their families apart?

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I do not get paid by the victim, and do not make placements into shelters ... I provide the assistance and direction, and point resources their way, but haven't the authority to drag any victim someplace against their will. If the justice system "rips" a family apart, it is generally because the perpetrator made the conscious decision to do so. No one can MAKE a man smack his woman around - not even her.

So, I suspect my original impression was correct - you are a man who has been arrested for DV, correct?

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BTW: Avoiding a subpoena is NOT a crime! Not going to court if you got one is! Stop responding to my posts please!

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It's very difficult to avoid a subpoena, friend ... unless she is going to disappear, it ain't gonna happen. Oh! And if she is unavailable and has fled, then there is a great chance that her original statement can be introduced against the defendant at trial. So, avoiding service may have the opposite effect of the one you would seek to encourage.

Oh, and so long as you provide dangerous responses to victims that could pl;ace them at continued risk, I will respond to your uneducated and dangerous replies.

< Standing & clapping for Carl >

< refilling Carl's mocha >

< tripling Carl's mocha and adding extra croissants >

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Quoting PTPD22

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< Standing & clapping for Carl >

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+1!!!! With enthusiasm!

Looks like a justifiable ban-hammer if there's any similar "advice" posts from Mark2010! Or perchance he'll realize the offerings he's put forth are quite hazardous.......then again.......

Thank you all ...

DV is a particularly sensitive issue for me because I have seen the end results and, of all the crimes we deal with, it is probably one of the easiest to predict and to prevent. Unfortunately, because of the myriad complexities involved in domestic violence relationships, it is also one of the most difficult to intervene in. And this is one reason why the justice system has largely lost its discretion when it comes to DV so as to prevent abusers from continuing to manipulate both the system and their victim. Unfortunately, it still happens ... and, in spite of all the education and resources, I still attend repeat victims and escort them to the hospital. And, I arrest their abusers ... and take their children into protective custody. There is no winner in domestic violence - only losers. The best outcome we can hope for is that the next generation is not exposed to the violence of their elders, and that is why we do what we do in so many instances. And, often times, it works.

Okay ... off the soapbox.

Well cdwjava,

If it was true what you said how come 80-90% of the victims regret ever turning to the police? Even a lot of the posters consider it a big mistake and they would take it back any time. And we are talking about grown up people who can decide what they want and don’t need someone like you to tell them what they should want. But you will come up with an explanation to that too and you’ll always know it better.

Let me ask you something and this actually happened in real life (not to me) many-many years ago. A friend of mine and his wife had a baby. My friend was working hard and his wife was home with the baby and that was rather depressing for her. She was often drinking and provoked arguments when her husband got home from work. One night she was drunk again and during a heated argument she threw their baby from 10 feet to the couch. My friend allegedly backhanded his wife. Nobody got injured, no police were called. His wife has never done that again, ever.

Is he an abuser now? Should he get arrested and charged? Or mom is the abuser? Should we put all of them to jail and the baby to foster care?

A lot of the DV cases are more complex than ‘yeah he is an abuser, case closed’. Most relationships experience some sort of violence once in a while especially under the stress of raising children (I am not talking about couples beating up each other). Should all these families be torn apart under the crusade against domestic violence? Should we create single parent families on the fast track against their will?

And there are a lot of cases that are just plain lies. Because women LIE a lot about domestic violence and take advantage of their spouses. At the end we are wondering why do we have Casey Anthony kind of single mothers who kill their own children and LIE. And why do we have a kid raised by a single mom who shoots up an elementary school?

And I am not an abuser and I have not been charged with anything. But I saw a family going through this hell when the wife admittedly LIED to the police and there was nothing they could do. She presented injuries that were not caused by her husband and were a week old but nobody cared. It almost drove them with their little children to the poorhouse and all that just to make your kind feel better! Because she is just a victim to you who needs to be saved and her family needs to be torn apart because you know it better. Fortunately this family fought their case and won. They are happily living together ever since.

To the original poster:

Ask a qualified defense attorney! He cannot suggest you what to do but you can ask if there is enough evidence against your BF without your testimony!

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Quoting Mark2010

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Well cdwjava,

If it was true what you said how come 80-90% of the victims regret ever turning to the police?

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Because of the dynamic involved. The "why" is far too extensive to cover here ... there are numerous studies and books done on the subject and they are available through most university library systems.

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Let me ask you something and this actually happened in real life (not to me) many-many years ago. A friend of mine and his wife had a baby. My friend was working hard and his wife was home with the baby and that was rather depressing for her. She was often drinking and provoked arguments when her husband got home from work. One night she was drunk again and during a heated argument she threw their baby from 10 feet to the couch. My friend allegedly backhanded his wife. Nobody got injured, no police were called. His wife has never done that again, ever.

Is he an abuser now? Should he get arrested and charged? Or mom is the abuser? Should we put all of them to jail and the baby to foster care?

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An exception does not negate the rule. Should we permit this sort of behavior if it is uncovered? Should the authorities look the other way and cross their fingers that this sort of senseless and potentially deadly act never occurs again? Hurling a baby across the room! Heck, yeah, if the police had been called, someone would have gone to jail - and rightly so!

In your world we would be crossing our fingers and putting a lot of stock in victims whose minds are generally not clear and objective, and relying far too heavily on a victim making a rational decision as to what is best for their safety and the safety of their child when they are in the throes of a highly emotional event. Experience has taught us that the wrong decision tends to result in greater injury, repeated abuse, and sometimes death. And, when children are involved, it tends to result in a perpetuated cycle of violence.

Victims protect their abusers for a host of reasons that might seem rational, but are - in reality - only ceding control to their abuser and placing them into a more vulnerable position. Economics, emotions, misplaced loyalties, etc. all play into the equation and are all reasonable elements for a victim to consider. But, far too often,m the victim is incapable of making that rational decision in the spur of the moment hence the system that is designed to provide some relief to the victim in order for her to seek and receive assistance and to place the parties into a system that can hopefully provide some oversight into the matter in the future.

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And there are a lot of cases that are just plain lies. Because women LIE a lot about domestic violence and take advantage of their spouses.

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Thank God for due process!

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Quoting cdwjava

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Thank God for due process!

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Are you serious? You have any idea what a false accusation does to the accused? By the time the actual truth is told the accused and it’s family is financially and emotionally broken and most marriages do not survive such process. The system does nothing to heal otherwise viable families and does everything to tear it apart creating broken, single-parent families. The problem that the “victim” is only a “victim”, like a cattle for you who cannot be considered a grown up person. And I agree with you, there are a number of cases when this is true. But there are a large number of cases when it is not. Where the initial accusation was nothing but a lie or the victim itself was the one who turned the argument into a physical confrontation. In these cases the victim has no chance to “fix” it. If the victim tries to tell that the initial accusation was not true it will be presumed a lie to protect the abuser. In reality the alleged “victim” is trying to protect its family against the system. The victim and accused have no choice but to hire a defense attorney and protect themselves against the “system” and a large number of the victims regret ever turning to the police. Because instead of defusing the situation the system made it worst. In a lot of cases it leaves one parent without financial support, healthcare creating a desperate situation for the alleged victim itself.

Another problem is that the current system protects abusive mothers to the extent. In the situation I described if mom would have gone to the police with the “hubby backhanded me” accusation hubby would have been hauled to jail without a single question asked leaving the baby under the care of a depressed, abusive mother. Since mom has no financial support and health insurance now, already suffering from depression only god knows what would have happened to the baby.

In the long run this will establish a major distrust in the police force and the justice system and real victims will be reluctant to ask for help when they really need it.

In Colorado only about 2% of the DV cases heard by the jury ends up with a conviction. This might indicate that there a large number of cases that might be totally bogus or the victim was just as much of at fault as the accused.

I do not know where you are getting your information from, but I strongly encourage you to read up on the truth behind it. Read the research - the good and the bad - and you will find that while there are holes and problems, by and large the current system is working to save lives and victims. Yes, as with any program the response to domestic violence is always evolving, and numerous organizations and jurisdictions are working to massage the system to something better than it is.

The issues are complex and require more than a simple solution. And the current response is nothing new. In fact, the discretion has been largely out of the hands of officers and the justice system for nearly a decade and a half in many jurisdictions, and aside from a small number of disgruntled parties, the response is largely seen as positive and effective. Can it be better? Sure. Is it perfect? No. Is it better than what I observed at the start of my career? Absolutely!!!

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Quoting Mark2010

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.........and all that just to make your kind feel better! Because she is just a victim to you who needs to be saved and her family needs to be torn apart because you know it better........

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Apparently you harbor more than a bit of bitterness which blinds you to the way these situations are addressed. It is not up to the "your kind" responders to be judge, jury, and executioner during the initial stages of this sort of, or any sort of, incident. There are procedures in place that have to be followed. In no way does the 'blame', for lack of a better term, fall on the responding officers for whatever the outcome happens to be. They have to proceed relative to the situation that's occurring, or has occurred, and temper their responses and actions relative to the facts and circumstances presented at that time.

You seem to have some sorta agenda that leads you to believe that the on-scene responders bear the responsibilty for whatever the future holds relative to their involvement. The reality is that the outcome is pretty much dependent on what is reported and what the law is. Whether or not there's any sorta adverse results is not the fault of those that you maintain the rather juvenile reference of "your kind".

If you feel that strongly about things then simply pursue your cause somewhere else instead of offering narrow-minded opinion and derogatory commentary, along with "advice" that carries more potential for harm than for help.