Establishing Paternity of 3 Year Old With a Legal Dad

My question involves paternity law for the State of: VA.
A few years ago, i was back and forth with my ex. she couldnt decide who she wanted so i decided for her and left. she found out she was ppregnant after we split and said it was either my child or the other man's. well.. she married the other man a few months before birth so i just cut all contact. she has the baby and claims it's mine. now, i never was there to sign anything at all. child has his last name and i have spoken to a lawyer who said HE is the LEGAL father, even though he didnt sign b/c. mother claims he is not and that i would have to sign ove rights (that i dont have) for him to be dad.
anyway, i have always tried to be there the best i could. she wont let me and i cant afford to take it to court..
now.. i have my own house with my fiance thats 3 bedrooms and i have a job to fight for my child (i believe it is mine). child is three. child dont know me so i know court would order supervised at first but would in turn become unsupervised visitation. what chances do i have of winning in court? i want to legally be involved and i know how difficult mother will make this

You have a good chance at getting visitation. You need to find out if the other man is the legal father or not. But regardless, you should petition to establish your paternity and for visitation.

well they were and are still married so doesnt VA law state he is legal dad? everyone says he did not put his name on b/c to "give me a chance" but child has his last name. and i never was there to sign

This actually depends in part on what Legal Dad wants to do - does he want to remain Dad?

I'm sorry, yeah, I read that as they were married after the birth, but I see now you said "before the birth." So yeah, he is the legal dad since they were married.

Quote:

---

Quoting Dogmatique

---

This actually depends in part on what Legal Dad wants to do - does he want to remain Dad?

---

I'm pretty sure he does. . .

Then that may make your job a little bit more difficult.

You should ideally speak with an attorney; an intact marriage might rebut a challenge to paternity at this stage.

Quote:

---

Quoting Dogmatique

---

Then that may make your job a little bit more difficult.

You should ideally speak with an attorney; an intact marriage might rebut a challenge to paternity at this stage.

---

does that go both ways? does she have the option of taking me to court whenever she pleases? she recently contacted me and said she wants a dna test done and that her child should know the truth. well... i saved up the money and now she says "not a good time, just leave it the way it is". but i know she will threaten court like she hs before when she needs/wants something.

best said, i should just leave her alone?never have a chance with my child-if my child (really believe he is).

Generally, only the biological father has standing to challenge paternity at this late stage. However, if they get divorced they can request DNA testing and the disestablishment of paternity as part of the divorce proceeding.

If the divorce is finalized without this happening, it's a done deal.

Quote:

---

Quoting Dogmatique

---

Generally, only the biological father has standing to challenge paternity at this late stage. However, if they get divorced they can request DNA testing and the disestablishment of paternity as part of the divorce proceeding.

If the divorce is finalized without this happening, it's a done deal.

---

so let me ask you for your personal opinion.. do you think this is simething i should pursue in court.. or would it just be a waste of all our times and money? just throw my chance with my kid out the window? i know i could of had it and missed it.. but my chances are slim to none, correct?(without divorce).

and how would it work if i DIDNT have a lawyer