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Child Living with Noncustodial Parent Without a Change in the Custody Order

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  • 02-19-2013, 01:47 PM
    Chris74
    Child Living with Noncustodial Parent Without a Change in the Custody Order
    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Arkansas

    I have had custody of my 16 year old daughter for three years. My 14 year old son came to live with me recently on a "trial" basis because of problems in his mothers home, as well as bad grades at school. Both children have the same mother, and we have been divorced for about 7 years. When my daughter came to live with me, a change of custody order was issued, and the judge allowed us to basically do away with child support since each of us had one of the children, and our salaries are similar.

    Since my son came to live with me a few months ago his grades have improved, straight a's, and he is doing very well. There was not a change in custody order issued because I don't believe my exwife would have allowed it at the time, and my main concern was just getting my son moved in with me without any problems. I told my exwife I would not require her to pay full child support, but she could just pay what she thought was right. This was a huge mistake. In over two months, she has paid $400 total for two children. Based on the state child support guidelines, she should be paying around $800+ per month. I realize this is partially my fault because I told her she didn't have to abide by what the law stated she should pay, buy I truly expected more of her.

    My questions are as follows; Does my son living with me and attending school in my city which is 45 miles from where his mother lives, do anything to establish any sort of custodial change without a court order?? Is there a certain amount of time that can pass and then custody changes by default?? My primary concern is my children and their wellbeing, but it is really starting to bother me that when my kids go to see their mother for bi weekly visitation, she spends hundreds of dollars on designer clothes, fun trips, etc.....but does not pay much at all toward actual support like mortgage, food, utilities, school events, etc. I know I am going to have to eventually get an attorney to make the proper changes, but I don't want to cause my ex wife to simply drive to my home and pick my son up to take her back to live with him because I have made her mad with court paperwork. I am trying to do this delicately and properly, but I could definitely use some guidance. I really appreciate any advice anyone has. Thanks in advance.
  • 02-19-2013, 08:51 PM
    shortie
    Re: Child Living with Noncustodial Parent Without a Change in the Custody Order
    How long is "a few months ago?"

    She is not required to pay ANY child support without an order. $400 is very generous of her since she isn't required to pay at all right now.

    You should seek to modify custody based on the change in custody and file for child support through the courts. She does not have to pay anything to you until you do.
  • 02-19-2013, 09:11 PM
    Chris74
    Re: Child Living with Noncustodial Parent Without a Change in the Custody Order
    He has been with me for just over three months. I realize she is not required to pay child support to me, but I disagree that $400, or roughly $133 per month, is generous of her. She makes almost six figures. She can afford to support her children, and I would think she would do so willingly without the courts requiring her to do so. I understand that is not the way the world actually works, but it is the right thing to do.
  • 02-19-2013, 09:17 PM
    FatherWhoWon
    Re: Child Living with Noncustodial Parent Without a Change in the Custody Order
    If it has only been two months, you may want to wait a few more months to have a more solid case until you file for a custody modification. Court orders definitely don't "change themselves."

    If you think it would incite mom to put up a bigger fight, you can consider waiting until after the custody modification occurs to file for child support. Provided you actually get the change you are seeking, simply go to tye clerks office after the custody trial and file the paperwork before you leave the courthouse that day, and ask that support be retroactive to that date. Child support is considerably easier to modify than custody, and it might be easier to clear that hurdle first. Don't bring up support at all with mom before that if its going to cause issues.
  • 02-19-2013, 09:31 PM
    Mr. Knowitall
    Re: Child Living with Noncustodial Parent Without a Change in the Custody Order
    As I expect mom would object that this was agreed to be a trial, not a permanent change, and thus not a present basis for modification, I suggest discussing a strategy with a family lawyer.

    Factors that could work in your favor include the distances between homes, whether your son has to change school districts with each custody change, if so his present school, social and community activities, and the like.
  • 02-20-2013, 06:47 AM
    llworking
    Re: Child Living with Noncustodial Parent Without a Change in the Custody Order
    Quote:

    Quoting Chris74
    View Post
    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Arkansas

    I have had custody of my 16 year old daughter for three years. My 14 year old son came to live with me recently on a "trial" basis because of problems in his mothers home, as well as bad grades at school. Both children have the same mother, and we have been divorced for about 7 years. When my daughter came to live with me, a change of custody order was issued, and the judge allowed us to basically do away with child support since each of us had one of the children, and our salaries are similar.

    Since my son came to live with me a few months ago his grades have improved, straight a's, and he is doing very well. There was not a change in custody order issued because I don't believe my exwife would have allowed it at the time, and my main concern was just getting my son moved in with me without any problems. I told my exwife I would not require her to pay full child support, but she could just pay what she thought was right. This was a huge mistake. In over two months, she has paid $400 total for two children. Based on the state child support guidelines, she should be paying around $800+ per month. I realize this is partially my fault because I told her she didn't have to abide by what the law stated she should pay, buy I truly expected more of her.

    My questions are as follows; Does my son living with me and attending school in my city which is 45 miles from where his mother lives, do anything to establish any sort of custodial change without a court order?? Is there a certain amount of time that can pass and then custody changes by default?? My primary concern is my children and their wellbeing, but it is really starting to bother me that when my kids go to see their mother for bi weekly visitation, she spends hundreds of dollars on designer clothes, fun trips, etc.....but does not pay much at all toward actual support like mortgage, food, utilities, school events, etc. I know I am going to have to eventually get an attorney to make the proper changes, but I don't want to cause my ex wife to simply drive to my home and pick my son up to take her back to live with him because I have made her mad with court paperwork. I am trying to do this delicately and properly, but I could definitely use some guidance. I really appreciate any advice anyone has. Thanks in advance.

    I recommend that you wait until the child has been with you a minimum of six months. That would firmly establish status quo and make a custody change much easier.
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