How to Change an Order when Other Parent is Not Using Their Time

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: WV
My son's father does not do his visitation as ordered, he just comes and goes when he pleases. He believes this is his right and that I can't do anything about it. He has seen his child 12 times in the past 5 months even though our order is 50/50. He also pays no support.
Our child is with me every day, and I take on the brunt of the financial responsibility. Is it possible for me to ask for less time and actually have it granted? And how do I stop him from taking our child (that doesn't know him) out of state (to stay with people he doesn't know) for 7 days?

A visitation order doesn't REQUIRE that visitation occur - it only spells out the RIGHT to that visitation. If extensive periods of time pass with no contact, THEN you may have grounds to seek modification of the order and a revisiting of support (which would likely go DOWN, since dad would have less right to time with the child).

Coming and going as he pleases? No, that doesn't fly. You're only required to allow visitation per the exact word of the court order. If he's coming at other times, stop opening the door. Don't fight, don't argue, simply say "this isn't the time specified in the court order, goodbye" and walk away. If he won't leave, call police. He can only run over you to the extent that you allow.

If he's not paying support that is ordered by the court, then the way to address that is to bring a contempt motion. The court can't help you if you don't get the matter in front of a judge. Be aware that support and visitation are two totally separate issues, and not paying support (which is a wrong against you, who depends on that money) won't result in the court punishing the CHILD by stopping visitation with their parent.

On what grounds would you think the court would dictate that dad not take the child anywhere? Generally if the court found dad ok to have the child in his care, unsupervised, it isn't an issue for the court which piece of geography the visitation occurs within. Is dad expected to suddenly have some major episode or personality change just because he crosses a state line? (Really, you'll need to come up with some VIABLE reason.)

The problem is that my child is only 8 months old and he does not know his father because he doesn't come around enough. How is it fair to my son that he only has the RIGHT to visitation but doesn't have to do it, but when he feels like it HAVE to let my son go. If he is not acting in the best interests of our child then I should have a right to say no. Why should he be allowed to be a parent when he feels like it, but I am trying to be a responsible parent and know that that's not going to be okay for him.
What if he doesn't bring him back? What about the strangers watching my child while he goes out with friends or sleeping in the same house as him? Why is it fair that he can not see him and pop up whenever he has something to prove and expect to take a child that doesn't know him across state lines without his mother? When he has already hidden him from me TWICE since this plan has come into effect. Why is it okay for him to make my life hell and disappear for a month then take the child that's with me EVERY day to stay with him (who is a stranger) and his friends and their stranger parents and friends. And because he would be taking my four days as well.
Why can he be held in contempt for not doing his visitation if it is only a suggestion to the fact that his rights are there? That makes no sense to me. If a judge is looking for the best interest of my child that would be stability and not having someone just "have" his rights. That's ridiculous, because I am the only one parenting here. I am the only one that is raising this child, but because he has "rights" that he does not use I have to bow down and send my child with someone that doesn't even ask about him or try to see him? That doesn't make sense to me.
I also get no support so there's really no way that could be affected. He sees him when he wants, and he helps me support him when he wants. My son doesn't know who he is. Pictures and video only do so much. Giving his father less time would not be slighting my child as I have begged him to spend time with him and talk to him and he is not interested unless other people will see. It would make his life more stable by giving him something he can do since he is "too busy" for the plan we currently have.

If your court order provides for a seven-day block of time that belongs to dad, and he wants to take child out-of-state during that time, he is allowed to do it. If it doesn't provide for that time, he cannot (or, at least he is going against the order if he does).

Read your court order, and follow it, as has already been advised.

But... It sounds like you need to file to have it changed. Is there some sort of temporary issue/credible reason why dad is not caring for.child.during all of.his time? (It doesn't sound like it, especially considering the length of time this has been occuring compared to the age of the child). If you think that dad is going to continue this pattern, then you should absolutely file to have the order changed. And if dad isn't shouldering his half of the responsibility for caring for the child, which would naturally include the financial aspect of providing for the child during his time, then you should seek support as well. You will likely need to change the parenting schedule and support together.

The biggest thing you need to do right now is gather up all of the documentation you have about hiw often (or rather, not often) dad cares for baby. You also should seek the help of an attorney if possible..

It's either that he's busy or he's not ready to "give up his life". So he does that while I am home raising our child. He is out having fun and dating and partying and rarely calling or asking about his child but blaming me for his absence even though I have begged him to see him and even told him I will bring him any day. When he goes I supply everything he needs. I am pretty sure it will be this way for a long time because he thinks he is doing everything perfectly.
He is supposed to get 1 week during the summer and give 30 day notice. I don't feel like he should be able to do that firstly because he didn't even give adequate notice. I feel it needs to be changed because he has shown that he can't fulfill the duties assigned to him in the original plan. He shouldn't be allowed to do anything I'm uncomfortable with the same way I don't do anything he isn't comfortable with. I am definitely going to look into a change, because him being in and out is not good for my child.

Right now he can do anything the court order provides, and so can you. You cannot dictate rules beyond the court order. And you will NEVER be assured that he does not do things you are uncomfortable with. That's the nature of being two parents. Unfortunately you will never be able to keep him from coming and going as he pleases either. But you can try to get an order that has more structure and can provide you a little more sanity. What a shame he hasn't taken this.great.opportunity of significant amounts of time.to parent his infant.

You have to follow the court order as it stands right now. You also have a good case to get it changed. Document everything, make a calendar, get an attorney if possible, and go back to court.

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And stop sending "everything he needs" with child to dad. Dad needs to get his own stuff. It's his kid too.

Pulling my hair out!

So basically I have to follow the order and he does not? Thank you, though and I will look into changing the plan to something more strict.

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Quoting wvmom21

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So basically I have to follow the order and he does not? Thank you, though and I will look into changing the plan to something more strict.

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You can't change it to something more strict. You can't force him to use his parenting time. Just because people have rights, does not mean they always use and appreciate them.

You can possibly change it to his having less time available to him, however. It's really up to the judge.

ETA: He *is* following the order. The judge did not order him to spend time with his child. He made it available to him. Unfortunately, you can't order someone to behave as a loving parent. They have to want to.

Then why am I ordered to oblige when he feels like seeing our child? That means I am ordered to allow him to do whatever he pleases and get in trouble for saying no because he's not thinking about the best interests of our child.
Essentially the law has told him that he can do whatever he wants and be a dad when he chooses and there's nothing I can do but say "okay" because they are his rights? Why do I not have rights as a mother? Especially because I am doing all the work and footing all the bills as if he is not here but when he feels like being here I have to just let a virtual stranger waltz off with my baby for a week? The days I have are my right too, are they not? He has no parental responsibility, then? It's just up to him the same way it was up to him to leave because he wasn't "ready" to be a dad. So a court gave him the ability to come as go as he pleases instead of making him take responsibility? I am being punished for doing what I'm supposed to as a parent and caring about the well being of my child because he's not ready? He gets no responsibility but I am responsible for doing his job while he doesn't feel like being a dad but the day he needs our child to impress a new girl I HAVE to let him go? Why do I have to adhere to a plan and he doesn't?

See a lawyer. File for modification based on the status quo. Ask for child support. It's up to the judge to change the order. All you can do is ask for it and present your case.