How to Stop an 18-Year-Old from Texting My 13-Year-Old Daughter

My question involves juvenile law in the State of: Arkansas

An 18 y/o male whom I've watched grow up has romantic interests in my 13 y/o daughter (soon to be 14, looks 17).

Their feelings are mutual, but inappropriate in that he's legally an adult and she's a minor, and too much age difference to begin with. Not to mention I don't think she needs a boyfriend at this age.

I've found unmistakably inappropriate texts between them.

What can i do short of having him charged with possible "sexual indecency with a child"?

I've know him and the family for decades (fine family, decent kid making dumb immature mistakes right now) and I just don't think full blown criminal prosecution (with possible sex offender registration) is necessary at this time. i just want him away from my daughter now.

I don't know if there's anything in between zero police involvement and ruining his life forever.

Try the parental talk with him and his parents and block his number on her phone.

How about simply telling him, in front of his parents, that ANY additional contact of ANY nature will result in you turning his texts over to police? It really IS that simple. He may only be inappropriately (and potentially criminally) texting your daughter now, but if he doesn't IMMEDIATELY comprehend how serious this is, who can say how many OTHER victims, after your daughter, may be on his horizon. Give him exactly ONE notice, and if he doesn't get it, then it's time for him to face the consequences of his behavior. Hopefully BEFORE his texted ideas turn into more, with your daughter or any other child.

And, beyond this particular young man, 13 or 14 year olds who LOOK like they're 17 are prone to receiving inappropriate attention from older men. Time for you as her parent to step in an set some stiffer boundaries, for her own safety. Just spend 15 minutes browsing this or any other legal board, and see exactly how many THOUSANDS of 13 to 16 year old girls get raped, and the rapist makes the claim "she looked legal". That's not a valid defense in court, but preventing such victimization is always preferred to trying to seek justice AFTER the fact.

You can either threaten to get the police involved, have a heart to heart with the young man, or - since your daughter appears to be a willing recipient - seize your daughter's phone and limit her computer access.

If junior fails to heed your wishes then it is HE who will be escalating the matter thus requiring the need for legal intervention, not you. Do not feel guilty for HIS actions forcing you to take actions to protect your daughter.

In concur with taking away the phone and monitoring computer usage. If your daughter goes to a friends - call the friends parents to verify it. Sounds harsh but better than being a teen parent or a teen rape victim.

Have you considered looking into a no contact order?

it's YOUR phone. Most phone providers allow means to block specific phone numbers. If I were you, I would also regularly review the phone logs of her phone, both on the phone and in the billing. You can delete the logs on most phones.

Beyond that, since you know the boy and actually think of him as you do, a good ol' fashion sit down with him might do some good.

If none of that works, then it's either time to get the courts involved or, there are alternate methods that are often effective.

If you have a "small town" police force, you can usually get a police officer to call and remind him of the trouble he can get into. We are blessed with one of them. A restraining order will get him a permanent censure on his record.

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it's YOUR phone. Most phone providers allow means to block specific phone numbers.

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Yes, this. If you can't do it online (I can with Sprint), call your provider and have both voice and text blocked from his number.

Also, take Aardvarc's advice. No, really. She knows what she's talking about.

Thanks for the comments. i can't help but feel bad for the young man because she is apparently luring him back in. at the same time, he needs to be smart enough to save himself.

Her safety and innocence is paramount, but he has a legal obligation to stay away from her.

I already have her phone, but she has an iPod and has lied to us about knowing our wifi security code, and how she uses the ipod. I now have her ipod.
She attends school and youth group with this young man.

To the person that asked about a no-contact order, I believe he has to brought up on charges for that to happen.

While he has his legal obligation to do the right thing, SHE has an obligation to not cause him to be arrested, as well as her own moral failings in the matter.

i'm trying to figure out how to get it across to her that she has to discontinue this behavior. We've had talks, she's steadily losing priviledges, and i'm still not sure it's getting across.

I don't believe he's a monster and needs to be incarcerated and have his life ruined over these dumb mistakes (i don't believe it's characteristic of him), but i'm getting less compassionate with each passing day.

I actually have talked with him in front of his parents very recently, in their home, but didn't "threaten" him with specific legal action. i didn't feel it necessary. I did tell him that his actions could have legal repercussions. I had actually given them the option of friendship only, if they could handle that, but that doesn't seem possible now. That was probably naive on my part.

I'd liken it to having to deal with your best friends son, except we're not that close, but do share the mutual respect for the families. Don't want to ruin any lives here, but my daughter comes first.

It's a tough balance I'm trying to strike it would seem, but at the least, right now, they have to break off all contact except that which would be incidental going to a small school. Perhaps the threats need to be to both, Boy stays away from girl and he stays out of trouble, Girl leaves boy alone and he stays out of trouble. She doesn't want any trouble for him either.

Fire away again, and thanks in advance.

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and i've since change our wifi passcode