Dropping a Domestic Violence Charge

My question involves criminal law for the state of: new jersey
My daughters father and I got into a heated argument other night. While we were separated I slept with someone else. I gave my ex a std and when I told him that night that I may have, he freaked. And I don't fault him. Hes not an abusive person but my confession brought out a lot anger and feelings of betrayal etc. He didn't physically beat me but he did push my face/slap me. He did threaten me and I was scared so I called 911. He left during the phone call. When the officers arrived I told them it was a heated argument and he slapped me and threatened me. I left out the fact that I gave him an std out of embarrassment. The officers charged him with assault but he hasn't been arrested because he lives ima different state. I don't want to press charges because he didn't do it with malice. We both received treatment and decided to undergo anger management counselling soon. We have a two year old daughter who woke up during the commotion but was unharmed. Our hearing is in two weeks. I understand that dropping charges are under the discretion of the prosecutor but is there anything I can do to have this case dismissed?

Short answer, No. You have created enough havoc to follow your relationship for a lifetime.

Ok OP, 180 views and no one has responded so I will take a stab at it.

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Quoting jay1030

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My question involves criminal law for the state of: new jersey
My daughters father and I got into a heated argument other night. While we were separated I slept with someone else. I gave my ex a std and when I told him that night that I may have, he freaked. And I don't fault him. Hes not an abusive person but my confession brought out a lot anger and feelings of betrayal etc. He didn't physically beat me but he did push my face/slap me. He did threaten me and I was scared so I called 911.

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The crux of the issue is that domestic violence occurred. The fact he was very understandably, maybe justifiably angry, did not give him a free legal pass to batter you. I frankly might understand if the family of the victim in murder trials stood up and shot the defendant. My understanding why they might do that does not make it lawful.

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Quoting jay1030

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When the officers arrived I told them it was a heated argument and he slapped me and threatened me. I left out the fact that I gave him an std out of embarrassment.

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It wouldn’t have made any difference in the officer’s actions regarding how they handled the crime you stated he committed. Unless the std you are referring to is HIV, where there are many laws about not spreading it to unwitting parties, the fact you slept around and infected him with God knows what isn’t a crime. Does it paint a pretty picture. Of course not. But, that tidbit wouldn’t have changed the essence of the case. And remember, two wrongs don’t make a right, so even if you did God forbid violate the law in giving him this std, it wouldn’t justify his assault.

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Quoting jay1030

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I don't want to press charges because he didn't do it with malice.

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Actually OP, it was done with malice. Believe me, you tell someone you gave them an STD and they haul off and hit you that is done with malice.

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Quoting jay1030

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We both received treatment and decided to undergo anger management counseling soon. We have a two year old daughter who woke up during the commotion but was unharmed.

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The concern I have here when you mention you want to stay together, is that this tends to be a cycle that escalates.

I am glad you are both in treatment. I would like you to reach out to the National Domestic Violence hotline and find a local advocate to talk with about this situation. You might get a referral to an individual counselor that might help you tremendously. There are some dysfunctional things going on here in your relationship. People fight without one party going out and sleeping with others. People take the news that their partner cheated without hauling off on the partner. There are some really unhealthy dynamics and you have a child. Please harness all the resources you can to improve this situation.

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Quoting jay1030

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Our hearing is in two weeks. I understand that dropping charges are under the discretion of the prosecutor but is there anything I can do to have this case dismissed?

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No, there is nothing you can say to the prosecutor to make them drop charges. If you two get back together/stay together, I think child protective services will be involved sooner than later. You may both be wonderful parents, separate, but not together.

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Quoting drthyrd

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Ok OP, 180 views and no one has responded so I will take a stab at it.

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The question has been answered several hundred times. The answer is always the same: If somebody batters you and you report it to the police, it's no longer your call as to whether the prosecution goes forward. Scan for aardvarc's zillion or so posts to D.V. victims where she tries to talk them out of making excuses for the abuser.

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Quoting Mr. Knowitall

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The question has been answered several hundred times. The answer is always the same: If somebody batters you and you report it to the police, it's no longer your call as to whether the prosecution goes forward. Scan for aardvarc's zillion or so posts to D.V. victims where she tries to talk them out of making excuses for the abuser.

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I rub you the wrong way. While that is regrettable, so be it.

I have infinite respect for Catherine. She is aware of my respect for her organization and has been for several years. Had she answered this OP, I would have stood down since there is generally nothing left to say after she speaks. The same can be said for you. The fact I don't always agree with you doesn't mean I never agree with you. With this post, I read it last night, I didn't respond to it thinking perhaps someone else would drop in and reply. I noted it was still unanswered this morning. So I replied.

If you have a bone you would like to pick with me, perhaps you can send me a PM. Otherwise, cheers.

So there isn't anything I can do to help his case. He and I can't afford a lawyer. I'm still in college n he recently graduated so we aren't that established. Is there anything I can say or do to make the case seem as minimal as possible so the prosecution dismiss it? I read that if there isn't substantial evidence, the case could be dismissed?

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Quoting jay1030

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So there isn't anything I can do to help his case. He and I can't afford a lawyer. I'm still in college n he recently graduated so we aren't that established. Is there anything I can say or do to make the case seem as minimal as possible so the prosecution dismiss it? I read that if there isn't substantial evidence, the case could be dismissed?

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No, there isn't anything you can say or do to change the situation.

Also what's the worse sentencing he may be looking at if convicted?

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Quoting jay1030

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Also what's the worse sentencing he may be looking at if convicted?

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You haven't listed the charges, so that is impossible to answer. Many domestic cases that result in conviction results in probation and some batterer intervention or anager management classes.

The officers told me assault but I lost the police report. But thank you!