Father Objects to Putting Child in Daycare

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: TN

I recently went back to work from maternity leave. During our temp custody hearing, my lawyer asked me on the stand what I would do with the baby after returning to work. I said in court what daycare the baby would be going to and that the baby would go there 3 days a week and stay with my mom for 2 days per week. The current order is that my ex visits the baby in my house 3 days a week for 2 hours at a time, and then has some time away from my house to take the baby to his house on the weekends and I pump for that.

Then yesterday, I mentioned something about daycare to my ex and he flipped out. He said he was not okay with our child going to daycare and said he was mad I didn't tell him. Both our lawyers and the judge are witness to the fact that I told him because I said this in court. And I told him in private what day I would be going back to work. I don't know what he thought I was doing this with the baby while at work and why didn't hear/remember that I said this.

He told me he would not discuss this with me anymore because he was discussing it with his lawyer. At first I was thinking, "Oh, what's he gonna do, I'm allowed to utilize child care during my parenting time." Then it occured to me there is "right of first refusal."

When we were in court, he was trying to get primary custody and one of the cases he made for it is that he wouldn't take the baby to daycare because he was allowed to bring the baby to work with him. I only work 7 hour days and my work is literally 3 minutes from my house. He works 10 hour days and lives 45 minutes away from here. Would he be awarded ROFR if his intention was to take the baby to work with him?

My instinct is to say "oh HECK no".

But I've seen stranger things ordered. He's sure that his workplace would allow a BABY to be present? Is there a daycare at his workplace?

He works for his father's business. His father wants him to have custody and would do anything to get me out of the picture, pretty much. So of course, his dad is going to want him to bring the baby to work with him. His mom also works for the same business.

- - - Updated - - -

There is no daycare there. It is an office setting.

ROFR generally does NOT apply to daycare when the parent is at work.

But, if Dad can make the argument that the baby will have either the other parent (him) or family present and able to care for the baby, he might just be able to get the court to order it.

With that said, don't worry just yet. Don't bend, don't listen to what he tells you his lawyer is saying. In fact, since you BOTH have attorneys and this is obviously something of a contentious custody issue, it would be better if you left communication to the attorneys unless it's solely concerning the child at the time.

Whoever just changed the title of this thread got it backwards. It's not "Switching from care by the father to daycare." It would be "Switching from daycare to care by the father." But we also don't know that will happen yet.

So mom is opposed to dad keeping baby during the day largely because she doesn't want to lose her status as primary, even though it would allow the child more time to spend with parent/family rather than daycare? That's an absolutely fabulous reason that keeps what's best for baby as top priority.

FWW: Read OP's post hx. She isn't the problem here.

Also, FWW, I would not mind at all if he wanted to watch the baby if
A) He lived in the same town as us.
B) He stayed at home during the day.

Taking the baby 45 minutes away to an office environment 10 hours per day does not seem like an obvious alternative to the baby going to a child care center 3 minutes from his home for 7 hours a day.

To be fair, I don't know much about dad, and I didn't read your post history. But even if I did, I would only be hearing about dad from your point of view, which is only one side of the story. That never gives a complete picture.

However, "his homes" is actually plural - he has two. While in daycare, he may be 3 minutes away from his home with you. While with dad at work, he is only a few minutes away from his home with dad. Your argument holds no water in that respect.

Also not sure what dad's work environment is like, but I'm not convinced that it's any worse than a daycare center, and dad/relatives are there.

An office environment is different from a daycare center because their work in an office is not to watch children. I don't know how my ex would even get work done with a baby around, but I'm guessing he's not really thinking this through. I've said on here many times, my ex and his family want me completely out of the picture. I'm pretty sure he would be thrilled if I died. I'm serious.