Unwed Parents and a Child with PTSD

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Missouri

I have a daughter with an ex. We were never married. I signed an affidavit of paternity and was put on the birth certificate. I paid child support for 6 years until my ex gave me our daughter in July to live with me so that she could move states over to live with her eHarmony paramore. The change was made on my ex's part for her love life and on my part because of child neglect allegations her family had made against her with CPS. She was not convicted of anything and the cases are now closed. The state then closed our child support case. We've never gone to court for custody. My ex does not maintain contact with our daughter. Before our daughter came to live with me, the CPS worker that was handling my ex's cases had advised her to seek counseling for our daughter. She had one or two sessions while with mom. I took our daughter to a new counselor for the first time a couple of weeks ago. She said she thinks our daughter has PTSD from the lifestyle she had with her mom and advises me not to let her mom take her this May for summer break like mom said she wanted to do earlier this year. I don't even know if my ex still wants our daughter this May since she doesn't maintain any form of contact with me or our daughter even though she has our address, email address, phone number, and cell phone number. We have no custody orders, just a notarized agreement stating she won't pay child support while our daughter is with me.

Here are my questions:

1-What kind of custody am I likely to get?

2-Can I ask that my ex get treated for mental health issues before she sees our daughter again? She had them when we were together and I fear they may have played a part in our daughter's PTSD.

3-I cannot afford a lawyer right now. I am thinking of filing my paperwork this week. If my ex takes her time to answer the paperwork and my court date lands in February or beyond, I know I will be able to afford a lawyer by then. Can I acquire a lawyer after already filing the paperwork with the court?

4-Recently found out that my ex had twins with her boyfriend and gave them up for adoption right after birth. Her mom and dad (who I have a good relationship and frequent contact with because they like to see their grandchild at least every 3 weeks) told me she did it to be young, wild, and free... Would this play a part in the judge's decision on custody?

Who has actually diagnosed your child with PTSD?

I'm asking for a reason.

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You took her to a new counselor a few weeks ago, and suddenly this counselor thinks the child has PTSD AND s/he is interfering with custody?

Is that correct?

The counselor who did our daughter's psychological assessment a few weeks ago claimed she has PTSD. She's only 7, almost 8. I've never actually thought of a child that young of ever having that disorder, but the counselor said it happens and can only get better with time...

I can't say that this is a sudden diagnosis. I never spoke with the old counselor. I had to send in a written request for her health records and am waiting for the old community health center to send me copies to see what the old counselor thought. I couldn't get any answers over the phone. The only thing my ex told me prior to her move out of state was that the old counselor didn't like her and her boyfriend and she didn't like taking our daughter there. If I lived in the same area, she'd probably still be at the same health center, but since I am 4 hours from there, I had to find the new counselor...

No, the new counselor is not interfering with custody. The counselor advised me not to let my ex have our daughter alone for 2 and a half months straight during the summer because the progress she's been making might go away... But if my ex stopped by tomorrow, I'd still let her see our daughter, I just wouldn't want her to run off with her.

[QUOTE=dad-1234;676591]The counselor who did our daughter's psychological assessment a few weeks ago claimed she has PTSD. She's only 7, almost 8. I've never actually thought of a child that young of ever having that disorder, but the counselor said it happens and can only get better with time...

I can't say that this is a sudden diagnosis. I never spoke with the old counselor. I had to send in a written request for her health records and am waiting for the old community health center to send me copies to see what the old counselor thought. I couldn't get any answers over the phone. The only thing my ex told me prior to her move out of state was that the old counselor didn't like her and her boyfriend and she didn't like taking our daughter there. If I lived in the same area, she'd probably still be at the same health center, but since I am 4 hours from there, I had to find the new counselor...

No, the new counselor is not interfering with custody. The counselor advised me not to let my ex have our daughter alone for 2 and a half months straight during the summer because the progress she's been making might go away... But if my ex stopped by tomorrow, I'd still let her see our daughter, I just wouldn't want her to run off with her.[/QUOTE]

The bolded is specifically interfering with custody...and I find a PTSD diagnosis, happening that quickly, to be a bit odd.

I agree to a point... Saying that it is likely she has PTSD seems a bit hasty and perhaps a second opinion would be in order. However, if mom doesn't have a court order for visitation, the counselor really isn't interfering with something that doesn't exist. Dad needs to do what is best for kiddo, weighing the counselor's opinion. He also needs to see an attorney to make sure both his and his daughter's interests are protected in getting a custody/visitation order that allows daughter to form a relationship with her mother in a healthy way.

I didn't figure she was interfering with custody since I haven't acted on her advice. Our daughter has another counseling session in a couple of weeks and I'm hoping to have her attend weekly sessions when her primary care physician submits the referral to my insurance company and it gets approved... I'd like her to see a specialist, but the nearest one is a hour away and it would interfere with school hours.

I am wanting to do what is best for our daughter. I'm not trying to exclude her mother from her life. I just feel that she would get the support she needs to heal emotionally if I were to be her primary caretaker.

Like I stated in my first post, I cannot afford an attorney until February. I don't want to rush into anything and don't feel that I need to since her mom isn't wanting to talk to or see our daughter at the moment... I'm just hoping to have something legally allowing my continued presence in our daughters life by May.

[QUOTE=llworking;676624]

Quote:

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Quoting dad-1234

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The bolded is specifically interfering with custody...and I find a PTSD diagnosis, happening that quickly, to be a bit odd.

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I agree completely.

I'll also say that I am not a physician - but I do know quite a bit about PTSD.

For a child so young, you're generally looking at a MAJOR trauma. I'm talking abject abuse here. Simply living with a flaky parent generally doesn't even come close unless the child has other issues going on.

I was living overseas when I received a letter from CPS stating that my ex had open cases. At that time, I was only seeing our daughter once or twice a year since that was all I could afford. All other communication with our daughter was through postal mail and telephone. With ex, our communication was mostly by email. I have kept record of every bit of communication. Big mistake on my part... As soon as I got that letter, I uprooted my wife and other kids to Missouri. That is why I cannot afford an attorney until February... I've been playing financial catch up... Here are some of the allegations in the CPS reports:
-A witness (who I later found out was a family member) reported seeing ex hit our child in a public place
-Mandated reporters at school reported ex for untreated health problems and the child stating she had not eaten for 4 straight days
-Child was running away from home, she was picked up once by a neighbor and another time dropped off at the police station by a stranger
-There was an older accusation of sexual abuse by a live-in boyfriend I had just found out about
-Child was being locked in the basement by herself for extended periods of time

Are any of these true? Yes, my ex admitted to some of them. Could they have played a part in the possible PTSD by daughter has? I have no idea, I'm not a mental health professional... And I am an idiot for not being here the whole time for my daughter. I'm just trying to move forward and make things right in the present.

Say that after more counseling sessions, the counselor concludes that my daughter does not have PTSD, what would the answers to my four initial questions be?

1. It depends. Mom has been the primary caregiver until now, yes? With no "founded" CPS investigations, she'll likely remain the primary parent. And no, you have NO right to withhold the child.

2. You can ask, but nothing will come of it. See above answer.

3. Yes, you can absolutely hire a lawyer after you've filed pro se. :)

4. Not relevant at all.

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Edited: There are no current court orders for custody, correct? If that's the case, you have even less rights to withhold the child. If Mom comes by this morning, you hand over that child. Period.

When I moved back here, I learned that a relative/babysitter was our daughter's primary caretaker from the beginning of 2007 to November 2011. Our daughter stayed with her throughout the week and then sometimes went to her grandparent's house or her mom's house on weekends. After that, she primarily resided with her grandparents or her great aunt.

Why would mom be the primary parent? She and I came to an agreement that I get our daughter 9 and a half straight months throughout the year and that she could have the two and a half months during the summer. She moved several states away and chose not to visit or speak with our daughter since June when she moved in with me. So even if the PTSD thing gets thrown out, my ex would get to have primary custody of our daughter and move her out of state? Even if this is not what my ex wants? The only thing I know for sure is that she does not want is to pay child support.