I Have Not Seen My Daughter in 19 Days - Father is Holding Her from Me
My question involves a child custody case from the State of: North Carolina
Here is information regarding what my childs father is doing to me. In short he has refused to let me see my daughter going on 19 days now, and has not answered my phone calls or texts. The times he has he has told me he will not let me see her, because he doesn't like the way I'm living in short. Its christmas night and he still will not answer my calls and let me see my daughter. We have had a verbal agreement among ourselves to share time with her 50/50. What he is doing is pure evil and is not only hurting me but most of all I know this has to be hurting my daughter!
Here is a breakdown of the events:
I was dating a boy named ..lets call him Brian....at the time and I started to see someone else. I fell in love with this other person who is now my boyfriend and has been trying to help this situation. I broke up with Brian on the 8th of December....and started dating my current boyfriend. My babys father was never too keen of Brian to begin with. After I broke up with him Brian hacked my facebook account and shared information with my babys father that was on the account. Keep in mind he did this illegally without my consent. Also my house was broken into some time within a three day span of staying at my current boyfriends right around the dates of the 8th to 10th.
My childs father says that I'm not living right. That he has information against me and this is his reason for keeping my child. The information he is referring to is facebook conversations Brian gave to him, and pictures that he took of my house being messy. Keep in mind either Brian broke in or he did or both of them did. It's my opinion none of this will ever hold up in court because both actions are illegal.
He has threatened my current boyfriend saying he would assault him if he ever sees his car parked in my driveway or sees him period. The funny thing is he has never even met him and has no clue about what type of person he is. He says that my current boyfriend will never see my child. He doesn't have any specific reason just like all the other things hes said which are completely contradictory. I even told him I wouldn't have him around her at all and he still said he wouldn't let me see her.
He has always been controlling and I've given in in the past. His family practically stalks me and is always asking where I am even when I do not have my child around me. However ever since the 8th conversation has been minimal because he will not answer my calls or texts for the most part. On one occasion he said we were going to be able to meet up and I could see her about 5 days ago, and then texted back and said he was too tired. I've done nothing wrong in this situation and he has no legal reason to be keeping my child from me. 19 days now and its Christmas and I haven't I NEED TO KNOW WHAT I SHOULD BE DOING RIGHT NOW TO GET MY CHILD BACK!
If you need anymore information on the situation please ask. I need all the answers I can get right now to get my 5 year old daughter back. What he is doing is pure evil.
Note: I have contacted someone at child services, but so far no one has been able to help with this situation properly. I've been told I'd be called back etc. but no one is putting this as a priority like I feel it should be. I've done nothing to deserve having my little one taken and held from me like this. Please HELP!
Re: I Have Not Seen My Daughter in 19 Days - Father is Holding Her from Me
Aside from expressing your displeasure and promiscuity, you have not conveyed the facts of any court orders regarding the child, which is what is actually pertinent.
Re: I Have Not Seen My Daughter in 19 Days - Father is Holding Her from Me
Is the child's father legally established as the father? (Is he on the birth certificate, or was an acknowledgment of paternity completed?)
Re: I Have Not Seen My Daughter in 19 Days - Father is Holding Her from Me
I have acknowledged to dss that he was the father. At the hospital he did not sign the birth certificate but he told me that he had went to dss and signed it but I was not there so I cannot say for sure.
Re: I Have Not Seen My Daughter in 19 Days - Father is Holding Her from Me
Your lawyer can help you determine the father's status. Assuming paternity is established, you need to get a lawyer, go to court, and seek a custody and visitation order. You will presumably seek a temporary order asking for physical custody with some amount of visitation to dad; you can discuss with your lawyer what you might request if paternity is not yet established (and that could in turn depend upon whether this guy is 100% unquestionably the father or if there's another possibility).
Re: I Have Not Seen My Daughter in 19 Days - Father is Holding Her from Me
Try calling the police. Unless paternity has been established or there is a court order granting him rights as a parent, you are the SOLE legal custodian of your child.
If that does not work, an attorney may be able to get an emergency hearing with a family court judge to sign an order to return the child to you.
Re: I Have Not Seen My Daughter in 19 Days - Father is Holding Her from Me
So you picture her calling the police and telling them, "The father has our child for three weeks, there are no court orders and I don't know if his paternity has been established," and... then what? Really, she needs to get to court and commence custody proceedings.
Re: I Have Not Seen My Daughter in 19 Days - Father is Holding Her from Me
She can call police and claim that as an unmarried mother and sole legal custodian of her child, the father (if he really is the father) has no legal right to refuse to return her child to her, and that she wants her child back.
Unless the father can show the police otherwise, the police may intervene on her behalf. Police are inconsistent on how they handle such matters, and it may or may not work in this instance.
But either way she will have the answer to this very quickly.
Alternatively, if mom lacks the financial means to quickly retain an attorney, it may be a long wait to have her child returned.
If she does get the child back, she should not allow the father unsupervised access without a court order
Re: I Have Not Seen My Daughter in 19 Days - Father is Holding Her from Me
In North Carolina, once paternity is established an unmarried father has the same rights as a married father. If she tells the police what she told us: that the father is in fact the father, that she doesn't know whether paternity was established, and that she's acquiesced to his custody for three weeks, they should be telling her to go to court. The police shouldn't be treated as a "Hail Mary" solution for parents who don't take the necessary steps to establish and protect their rights. If paternity has been established, you would be advising her to do to the father exactly what she's complaining that he's doing to her.
DSS is open. If mom wants to know if dad established his paternity, it is easy enough for her to find out. Everything else flows from there.
Re: I Have Not Seen My Daughter in 19 Days - Father is Holding Her from Me
Quote:
Quoting
Mr. Knowitall
In North Carolina, once paternity is established an unmarried father has the same rights as a married father. If she tells the police what she told us: that the father is in fact the father, that she doesn't know whether paternity was established, and that she's acquiesced to his custody for three weeks, they should be telling her to go to court. The police shouldn't be treated as a "Hail Mary" solution for parents who don't take the necessary steps to establish and protect their rights. If paternity has been established, you would be advising her to do to the father exactly what she's complaining that he's doing to her.
DSS is open. If mom wants to know if dad established his paternity, it is easy enough for her to find out. Everything else flows from there.
We REALLY need a "like" feature!
Re: I Have Not Seen My Daughter in 19 Days - Father is Holding Her from Me
Quote:
Quoting
thetawave
I have acknowledged to dss that he was the father. At the hospital he did not sign the birth certificate but he told me that he had went to dss and signed it but I was not there so I cannot say for sure.
So if mom declared him the father to DSS, and he has supposedly declared himself same with DSS, then for all PRACTICAL purposes, he's the father, and if mom willingly handed over the child to the legal father without the benefit of the protections of a visitation order, she's about to find out the long, painful, and likely expensive way that court orders protect EVERYONE, and that without them, there is nothing established about which to ask for enforcement. In states and situations where the parents have prima facie equal rights regarding the child, it amounts to possession being not just 9/10ths, but 10/10ths of the law - and now that mom has handed over the child, she's in a position with no way, short of a court's order, to make dad give the child BACK. And, every day that goes by with the child supposedly doing ok under dad's care is another day of "history" in favor of dad's argument that the child should remain with him.
So mom, get moving. Speak to an attorney, and get motions for custody/visitation filed ASAP.
Re: I Have Not Seen My Daughter in 19 Days - Father is Holding Her from Me
North Carolina Legal Aid offers a "file it yourself" custody packet.
Re: I Have Not Seen My Daughter in 19 Days - Father is Holding Her from Me
Quote:
Quoting
Mr. Knowitall
In North Carolina, once paternity is established an unmarried father has the same rights as a married father. If she tells the police what she told us: that the father is in fact the father, that she doesn't know whether paternity was established, and that she's acquiesced to his custody for three weeks, they should be telling her to go to court. The police shouldn't be treated as a "Hail Mary" solution for parents who don't take the necessary steps to establish and protect their rights. If paternity has been established, you would be advising her to do to the father exactly what she's complaining that he's doing to her.
DSS is open. If mom wants to know if dad established his paternity, it is easy enough for her to find out. Everything else flows from there.
I suggested going to the police is a viable option that may or may not work. And while one may argue the way things SHOULD be, one cannot affirmatively claim calling the police as a "Hail Mary" play in this instance will NOT work.
And even if it does not, the police report will serve as a RECORD that the mother indeed filed a complaint and did NOT acquiesce to the father taking the child. So either way there is arguably a benefit of contacting the police in this matter.
The father refusing to allow the mother any contact whatsoever with her child in three weeks is a clear showing of BAD FAITH that will be hard to overcome, and will negate any custody advantage gained as a result. Even less so if he argues to the judge he took the child because he did not approve of the new boryfriend as suggested here, or if any of his threats of violence are credible.
Any yes, if the police are able to retrieve the child, it will be essentially be doing the same things as she complains the father has done. But as already noted by aardvark, possession is 10/10th of the law.
However, before calling the police mother should contact DSS to establish whether or not paternity has been established. In these types of cases, many fathers tend to neglect this little detail until it is too late, and this neglect often stems from an unwillingness to volunteer to pay child support. If DSS confirms paternity has not been established, it will make mom's job much easier to have police intervene in this matter.
Re: I Have Not Seen My Daughter in 19 Days - Father is Holding Her from Me
You threw out an idea of what "could work", and I elaborated on why there is more to consider than "Try anything that could theoretically work."
A complaint to the police three weeks after-the-fact does not establish that mom didn't acquiesce to dad's taking custody, and it's hearsay so its not admissible in court.
You specifically recommended that mom get the kid and shut dad out, so if your position is that your recommendation would demonstrate "a clear showing of BAD FAITH that will be hard to overcome, and will negate any custody advantage gained as a result", that's something for her to consider. (You need to make up your mind as to whether we are talking about "a clear showing of bad faith" that will undermine a custody claim or "Possession is 10/10ths of the law".) To be clear, unlike you, I did not speak in favor of that type of conduct by either parent. They should be seeking a custody and visitation order.
I appreciate that, by the end of your screed, you recognized the importance of determining the facts before trying to bring in the police.
Re: I Have Not Seen My Daughter in 19 Days - Father is Holding Her from Me
Police here have a favorite saying: It's a civil matter. They say this until a court order is in their hands. Then they still aren't too eager to get involved as long as child is not in immediate danger, and they will check that.
Re: I Have Not Seen My Daughter in 19 Days - Father is Holding Her from Me
That's correct, and it's not just there....it's really EVERYWHERE. Until there's a court order, it IS a civil matter. Once a court has made an order, then the court's enforcement arm, in the form of the sheriff and the sheriff's deputies, have directions from the court on what should be happening regarding the parties to the order. Without that order, nada. And since the courts have their own law enforcement personnel (the sheriff), city police can be reluctant to get involved in the process, preferring to allow the sheriff's office to do the job they are obligated to do on behalf of the court.