Judge and Friend of Court Keeping Me from Parenting Time

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Michigan

I have been in a long drawn out divorce where my ex-wife started alienating my children from me even before she moved out of the family house with them. She made several attempts to get me arrested for child abuse and spousal abuse. I was never arrested and voluntarily took a polygraph proving I never hurt her or my children. In the before the divorce my family was told to go to a Psychologist for evaluation. In the recommendation of that evaluation the Psychologist recommended to the court that if the children had to be with one parent that they be with me because my ex was showing signs of keeping them from me. The court gave me parenting time but I was never able to get my children because they were alienated and would not come with me. My attorney had the court order an evaluation from another Psychologist and he recommended that I get custody of the children because of the extreme alienation. During this two year period I got to see my children very little and faxed the Friend of the Court over 200 times stating I was not getting my parenting time. When we finally got to the divorce my attorney told me weeks ahead of time that it wasn't going to be good because the judge had already made up her mind that my ex was getting the children and if we went into court it could get worse. I reluctantly took my attorney's advice and gave up custody to my ex and was awarded the normal weekends and evenings parenting time. Nothing changed and I was still not getting my parenting time. Each time I went back to court I would get my child support raised and no help with my parenting time. The Friend of the court says that I am not parenting my children and that I am letting them make the decision of not coming with me for my parenting time. Remember these are children 10 and 12 that have been alienated for over two years by my wife and her family. I go to therapy about twice a month with my children where they disrespect me and are always negative towards me in front of the Psychologist. I go to pick my children up every time I am suppose to but my ex was advised by her attorney, not to be present during the exchanges and the Friend of the court says that if the mother is not there then she is not keeping them from me. I don't get my time with my children and I don't think I will as long as I have the judge I do. This last time in court the judge ordered my child support be raised to 360 days of support instead of 270 because I didn't have the children when I was suppose to. So essentially the judge rewarded my ex for keeping the children from me. I am at all the children's school and sporting events, so it's not like I am not trying. The Psychologist I see with my children told me to ask the judge how I was to get the children to come with me if they refused and when I did she said "I don't know, that's something you have to figure out".

I'm curious how you handle exchanges (or aborted exchanges it would seem) currently. You said your ex isn't present - are you trying to pick them up from their residence?
You could request that a representative is tasked with meeting you somewhere away from the home for exchanges.

Aside from that however, I'm curious to see responses because everything i've heard is "you HAVE to make your kids go to NCP even if they don't want to otherwise you'll be in violation of court" but there isn't really an easy way to FORCE them to go I suppose. I'm picturing this exchange with my kids when they are 10 and 13....and probably both 6' at that point (est adult height for my boys is 6'3 and 6'7 respectively, so this is probable) and me trying to physically FORCE them.....yikes.

For one thing however, i'd start shopping for a new atty. it def sounds like your rights are not being seen to if you've been given parenting time and you keep going to court and all you get is increased support.

I am confused by your wording. Why are you not exercising your parenting time if your ex is not keeping the children from you? You are the parent. Your children do what you say until they are 18. They say they do not want to go? Tough. YOU ARE THE PARENT.

Quote:

---

Quoting Chede

---

I am confused by your wording. Why are you not exercising your parenting time if your ex is not keeping the children from you? You are the parent. Your children do what you say until they are 18. They say they do not want to go? Tough. YOU ARE THE PARENT.

---

I'm guessing because he doesn't want to barge in the mother's home and drag the kids out kicking and screaming. Thats how it's sounding to me anyway.

Even if the mother is not keeping the kids from him and it seems like the kids are choosing not to go, I think that this is being encouraged by the mother from how it sounds.

I agree shortie, he states that "I go to pick my children up every time I am suppose to but my ex was advised by her attorney, not to be present during the exchanges and the Friend of the court says that if the mother is not there then she is not keeping them from me"

so it sounds like mom leaves the house (?) but leaves the kids at home, who are refusing to go with him, and court is saying mom isn't denying visit.
It sounds like mom is to blame, but has found a nifty workaround here :(

Generally speaking, the judge will hold a parent in contempt for failing to ensure visitation is followed. A parent can enforce this by taking away privileges etc.. to avoid contempt charges. In this situation, it is clear the judge has assessed OP and feels OP needs to create an environment where the children want to visit, rather than mom forcing them to do so. We cannot see what the judge and psychologist does. I think OP is only going to resolve this by listening to what the children feel and convey in sessions and attempt to bridge the gap, via the psychologist.

How old are the children in question, and what have the children said when you asked them directly, "why don't you want to spend time with me"?

My children have been alienated for two years and my wife and her family have essentially stripped me of any authority I use to have. Telling the children they don't have to do what I tell them and commending them when they stand up to me. My wife would love for me to grab one of my children and force them to go with me so she could call the police on me and accuse me of child abuse. So all I can do is ask that they come with me. I know how that sounds but if you ever know anyone who goes through alienation from their children, the children are brainwashed to believe only bad things about that parent.

- - - Updated - - -

Correct, she is not denying visitation because she is not there. First of all her therapist (a real idiot) told her that since she and I don't get along that she should not be present during the exchanges. Whenever I would try to pick up the children, she would instigate a conflict between me and the children so they wouldn't want to go with me. She would then say "it's your job to get them to come with you". Of course I was not going to manhandle my children and she would win. This became the norm and I was never getting my children. Her attorney, after hearing this from her therapist jumped on it real quick and told her in an email to my attorney saying that she is not going to be there and it is up to me to get my children. He did this to get her away from getting in trouble with the Friend of the Court for denying my time.

- - - Updated - - -

I drive to her house, they come outside to my car. They tilt their heads towards the ground and say "we're not comfortable coming with you". I ask them to come but they say "no" and they and their mom know that nothing is going to be done if they don't come with me. Mom is not home, she leaves and comes back when I leave.

- - - Updated - - -

I am broke and I can't afford another attorney. The one I have now hasn't been charging me for over a year now. He said he knows that I don't have it and he will represent me and not charge me anymore. I guess I am getting what I am paying for.

- - - Updated - - -

It has been encouraged by the mother and her family for two years of them brainwashing them. I have two Psychologists that say she has alienated my children. The court ordered Psych recommended that the children be in my custody but the judge decided that we should get therapy instead. Two years later and it's so much worse now. You are not going to get the alienating parent to change what she is doing by letting her keep the children with her.

Oh dear, I don't think I was reading your post correctly. I would maybe consider changing the wording then and requiring the mother to drop off, curb side. That way if it is court ordered that SHE is responsible for the drop off and you are responsible for taking them back it may be easier on you because then SHE would be responsible to make sure the children make it inside your home and if they do not, she would be in contempt.
Either way, I would think the therapists/attorneys/Judge SHOULD be able to do something with all the information, it sounds like a circus. It does sound like alienation. Good luck.