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My question involves a child custody case from the State of: NY
My ex husband in the past has had orders of protections on him but doesnt have any now. He says he has freedom of speech and can call me anything he wants and can yell at me when ever he want. I do not feel like i should have to deal with him bullying me until my child is grown. I file police reports when it happens but i am told it doesnt meet the criteria for harassment because he doesnt threat me. Please help.
If we're talking about visitation exchanges, consider moving the exchange locations to a public place where he might be more apt to behave.
it is public
that doesnt stop him
He also calls me yelling and calling me names, and texts them to me
You can also request that he communicate with you through e-mail only so that you can have records of all your communication. If you meet him for visitation in public places and eliminate all phone conversations, that could help the problem.
Now, if he talks about you like this to or in front of the child, you may want to tell your lawyer.
Yeah, it definitely sounds like you guys should not communicate over the phone. Don't answer the phone, and send an e-mail.
I have the texts of the names he calls me. His rational is that he has a right to call me any name he wants. So if i have the texts can I do anything? What about recording the calls? I wouldnt have answered but he had my son at that time.
The legal reality is that yes, he can call you names. He can raise his voice. He can be a complete jackass. If he's causing a public disturbance, police can be summoned. If he's berating you in front of the child, you need to notify your attorney. Otherwise, all that's going to help is a thicker skin. The more bothered you are by name calling, the more he's going to do it. Have as little contact with him as possible, and dont' provide him with the reaction he's seeking when contact is required.
Want to add we are going through something similar now and our attorney suggested moving the exchange to the local police sub station. We did and it is an amazing difference! Love it! hth
thank you for letting me know i am not the only one with an ex like this. I may move it to the police station. Do you go in there? or just the parking lot?
My ex was like that for years. I always had someone with me for our child's pick up and drop off. When it came omhone calls, even when he had our son, I would let it go to voicemail and then pick it up a little after so I could determine if it was an emergency or just him pitching a fit. Again. We now communicate via email or text only. He has stopped the nasty barrage since it no longer affects me.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I guess I will have to let it go to voice mail. Im so careful to no engage in his name calling and yelling. Maybe I need to stop being nice. I just dont want to deal with it. Would a call to the childs guardian at litem help? Not that I have seen her around in 3 years or so.
Actually go right inside. The officers are super and the first time, the officer said "wow" he could feel the animosity. It's been four or five times now and dickwad is finally settling in to what it's going to be. As far as blowing up phones, yup, same as above, just ignore and not respond.
Yep - inside the station is always preferable. Most stations have the lobbies on video and a good number have audio as well. Not so much coverage outside. And should shinanigans occur, you've potentially got access to either recordings or even the testimony of persons monitoring the lobby. Plus, inside affords shelter from the elements while waiting, most give restroom access, water fountains, and gives the kids a chance to be around police officers in a non-emergency situation, making it easier for them to feel comfortable approaching police with any issues they may have in the future. Win. Win.
Be sure to check at the station if there are certain lobby hours. Some are open 24/7, others may only have public access to the building during certain hours or may only be open weekdays. Try to schedule drop offs accordingly to give yourself the best coverage and access.
In reference to the Guardian ad Litem, no, they aren't going to be of much help - it sounds like the issue here is his behavior towards you, not that he's doing this to the children. If he's behaving outrageously in front of the children, then it's time to get your attorney involved, and they can help get behaviors documented and help determine if things get to a point where exposure of the children would warrant bringing the GAL back in. But generally, no, they don't get involved in issues between the parents. Sadly, it sounds like dad's a jackass in his interactions, but that's generally neither unlawful, nor going to impact custody or visitation unless (a) the behavior is outrageous, and (b) occurrs in front of the children.
Best to combat by (a) not engaging and giving him the feedback he wants, and (b) by forcing him to expose his bad behavior as publically as possible to others who can be called on as independent witnesses if need be.
i just told him i would pick up my son from the police station and he refuses to change the place and is making me file a mod order to make the place change so i said i would have a police officer wait with me.
Do you have an attorney? Does he? We haven't been to court yet, freakin' mediation has to happen first..(ugh)...but our attorney advised his attorney and that was all it took.
Whenever you have the child, you can have him meet you at the police station and then he will have to if he wants his normal visitation. But then whenever he has the child, if he won't go there for you to pick him up, bring someone with you until you can either compel him to meet you there or modify the order.
Good point, but if the meeting spot is stated in the custody order can i just tell him it will be somewhere else? Arnt I breaking the custody order
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If i ask him to not call me names and he continues to do so can i then have him arrested for harassment since he continues to contact me for reason that are obviously not related to the care of my son or his well being
Police aren't going to arrest for name-calling. No matter what the circumstances.
On another track... If the child attends school, you might want to consider having dad drop child off at school Monday morning, and pick him up on Fridays from school.
A police station is a good idea to try to make sure everyone stays civil, but I personally would not want my child to be around a police station that often. If you can just avoid having to meet up with dad altogether by having as many pick ups and drop offs as possible occur at school, that may be better.
That is a good thought. But he is horrible after returning from his fathers house. I have no clue why. It may be the change (he has high functioning autism, AS). And to be honest if he acted the way he did at school that he did at home right after a visit they would most likely get him home. His father makes him stay up til midnight so that he will sleep in for him. When i get him back i work on getting him back on schedule, and cleaning him up. The other thing is anytime i agree to let my ex husband have an extra overnight, he uses it against me in court telling the judge i asked him to take my child bc i needed a break and can not handle being a parent. He is only hurting himself when he does it, bc now im just less likely to offer him time when he has a day off from school. As for having him around a police station we live in a good city and the small sub stations aren't full of gang members trying to shoot each other. Mostly they are empty, with police sitting around waiting for something to do.
If you do end up modifying your custody agreement, your attorney can probably add a clause about communication. Our agreements states that all communication will be conducted via email and that phone or in-person communications may supplement ONLY if both parties agree. Any information (medical or school records) that can by obtained from a third party should be obtained from that third party, i.e. if my ex wants to know how our daughter's physical went, he is free to call the doctor's office directly and ask.
We are also supposed to use familywizard.com (I think?) to exchange any information about splitting medical costs or extracurricular activities and such. (We don't use it because my ex refused to pay for the subscription... and I stopped asking for his portion of any medical expenditures since he won't pay and I can't take him to court over $20 here $45 there...) BUT that could be a good start?
We also do the exchange at the local police station - in fact, the police officers suggested that we do this after I've asked their advice on how to handle the aggression and verbal abuse (not good for daughter to hear even if it's not illegal for him to say things).
Good luck. I totally know what you're going through.