My question involves a child custody case from the State of: AL
I have decided to give an update on my situation, in hopes you guys will actually cut the insults and actually answer my concerns.
Shortly after my last post on here, I was taken into custody for breaking and entering and trespassing, but not for neglect/abuse. My dad came and bailed me out of jail. I have a later court date for that.
A few days after I got back home, my lawyer called and said my wife filed a temporary custody order. I went in to look at it and it says that she will get primary custody "until such time as the child is no longer breastfeeding." Knowing her, this could be years. It also says that I have to visit the child in her home only. I told my lawyer I wanted to object to this and at the very least get time with the child away from the mom. The lawyer said he would "see what he could do" which didn't give me much confidence in him.
THEN yesterday, I got another call from my lawyer. The judge approved the order with no changes made. WTF. Can a judge really approve a custody order without me agreeing to it? The only thing the order says about visitation is that it's in her home and that it is "to be agreed upon by both parties." Does this mean if she disagrees to me coming to visit that I can't?
AND she has given me a written notice to relocate 4 hours away from here due to a "job offer." I intend to fight this as well. I think she's just trying to move because all her friends are there. So it's clearly for selfish reasons and not in the best interest of the child. I don't know what the job is, but her previous jobs were all in the realm of "child care worker," which is the kind of job she can get anywhere. What are my chances of stopping the move? Or at least stopping my child from moving?
Everything has gone very badly for me in this. I want to be able to stand a chance here. I think I need a new lawyer or something. He said that I "may need to prepare myself for the possibility of even stricter visitation if I am convicted of the tresspassing." This is all such BS.
Stopping Relocation and Not Agreeing to Temporary Order
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11-09-2012, 09:01 AManxiousdadStopping Relocation and Not Agreeing to Temporary Order
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11-09-2012, 09:24 AMfree9manRe: Stopping Relocation and Not Agreeing to Temporary OrderYou need to concentrate your energy on this right now.Quote:
Quoting anxiousdad
You didn't give your lawyer much to work with. Given your antics, no judge in their right mind would give you any alone time with the child.Quote:
Quoting anxiousdad
Again, you made your bed and must now lie in it. Yes, if she says no visitation then no visitation can take place. If she denies it across the board and gives you no access, you could go back to the court to try and compel some time. It would likely be under the same stipulations of being at her place. Bet that 3 hours a day, five days a week sounds right nice about now huh?Quote:
Quoting anxiousdad
The economy sucks. People sometimes have to re-locate to get jobs. So she wants to move somewhere she will have a support system? Doubt the court will argue with that. I'm betting the larger reason is to make it more unlikely you'll pull another boneheaded stunt. She is free to go wherever she wishes. Given that she currently has primary custody, and your behavior, I don't give you much chance on preventing her from relocating the child. It's not like she's moving across the country. If you love your child, 4 hours is no biggie. Your lawyer could also try and get visitation stipulated at a midway point but I really doubt it will fly.Quote:
Quoting anxiousdad
You have pooched this entirely on your own fella. A new lawyer may or may not help. He can only work with what you give him, which so far is a horrible case. If you are convicted, there is the chance that visitation will become more difficult. If she gets the right judge, you might wind up with little to nothing and her having full legal and physical custody. That's why I told you to concentrate on the criminal case. It would also be wise to have a criminal and family lawyer since each will be more specialized to handle your mess.Quote:
Quoting anxiousdad
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11-09-2012, 10:24 AManxiousdadRe: Stopping Relocation and Not Agreeing to Temporary Order
What about the fact that she can get a job as a "child care worker" anywhere? She can get one here in this town. Can I stop her on that basis?
I don't have a lawyer for the criminal case. My lawyer is only a family lawyer. But I know how to defend myself for the criminal part. I will just tell the truth. I had a right to go and get my child and I did the right thing by giving her back when she was hungry. No crime there. I'm a white guy, so all I have to do is dress nice and I'll already look better than most people the judges see all day. I realize they have grounds to say I was trespassing, but they don't realize that I am still married to the mother, so I had a right to go and get my child. I'm gonna focus on that aspect for defense.
Before you guys go telling me I'm an idiot for using that as defense, I think it will actually work in this case. They'll see it's just a civil matter or whatever and hopefully drop the charges. My lawyer recommended me somebody, but I can't afford to have two lawyers right now. -
11-09-2012, 11:04 AMaardvarcRe: Stopping Relocation and Not Agreeing to Temporary OrderNot likely.Quote:
Quoting anxiousdad
If you stand in front of a judge and say this, you may not be granted ANY access to the child, and mom may be granted total physical and legal custody and potentially be allowed to relocate anywhere in the country. You are so many miles away from being correct here that it's scary. You had NO right to commit a criminal burglary to access a child that you had no COURT ORDERED visitatation for. Period. End of discussion. Until you understand that part, anything that comes out of your mouth in the criminal court is likely to sink you for both the criminal charge AND visitation with your child. You NEED a criminal defense attorney - because if you loose that case, the best you're going to get as far as visitation is supervised holidays and emailed photographs.Quote:
I don't have a lawyer for the criminal case. My lawyer is only a family lawyer. But I know how to defend myself for the criminal part. I will just tell the truth. I had a right to go and get my child and I did the right thing by giving her back when she was hungry.
Absolutely a crime. That's why there's a criminal case against you.Quote:
No crime there.
Ok.Quote:
I'm a white guy, so all I have to do is dress nice and I'll already look better than most people the judges see all day.
No, you didn't. Not by breaking into someone ELSE's house.Quote:
I realize they have grounds to say I was trespassing, but they don't realize that I am still married to the mother, so I had a right to go and get my child.
Make sure you save up some money for the commissary.Quote:
I'm gonna focus on that aspect for defense.
Good luck with that.Quote:
Before you guys go telling me I'm an idiot for using that as defense, I think it will actually work in this case.
Burglary isn't a civil matter.Quote:
They'll see it's just a civil matter or whatever and hopefully drop the charges.
I know it's expensive, but the state has an excellent criminal case against you - and it's a criminal case that INVOLVED the child - it's not like they're prosecuting for shoplifting a pack of gum from the gas station - they're bringing a criminal case where the child was PHYSICALLY involved in the FELONY charge you're facing.. If you loose that case, it's going to have disasterous effect on your visitation case - and it's going to put you in a position that even the best family law attorney in the country won't be able to get you out of. As others have noted, attorneys can only work with what you give them, and if you are convicted on the criminal charge, there's no point to having a family law attorney to fight the visitation issue, because mom will be granted pretty much 100% of anything short of moving to the north pole. Your #1 priority here needs to be the criminal case.Quote:
My lawyer recommended me somebody, but I can't afford to have two lawyers right now.
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11-09-2012, 11:09 AMChedeRe: Stopping Relocation and Not Agreeing to Temporary Order
Basically, you have NO idea about what type of job offer she received, correct? You are assuming the job is as a child care worker. How are you 100 percent sure she can get a child care worker job in the town she already is in and make the same amount of money that this other "job offer" opportunity is giving her? What is wrong with you? You had NO RIGHT to break in and kidnap the baby! Plus, you broke into someone else's home.. not yours, not your wife... who CARES if you are still married? I'm not even going to address the "white guy" comment. You are so off base it is almost comical. Where do you get these crazy ideas from????
Please PLEASE update us after you go to court and try to defend yourself without an attorney. Not so that everyone can say "I told you so" but so that anyone reading your posts can clearly see what not to do. -
11-09-2012, 12:56 PMfree9manRe: Stopping Relocation and Not Agreeing to Temporary OrderNope. As Chede indicated, you don't even know what kind of job she got. I'll say it again, she is going somewhere she will have a support system to help her through a very difficult time in her life...caused by you. No court is gonna stop that.Quote:
Quoting anxiousdad
Aardvarc covered this pretty well but to re-iterate...you are absolutely wrong. Where on earth did you get that idea? You alleged in another thread someone here told you to do it. It was not posted publicly anywhere in any discussion. IF it happened, please post it here. Just so that person can be tossed out on their head. Giving her back was the ONLY intelligent thing you did in that scenario.Quote:
Quoting anxiousdad
Sorry, you're an idiot to try that. If you do, you will reap what you sow. You should put the custody case on the back burner and hire someone for the criminal case. Yesterday. Day before yesterday. Heck, you shoulda hired them before you did what you did. They might have been able to stop you from doing it, although I wouldn't have had much hope as stubborn as you are.Quote:
Quoting anxiousdad
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11-09-2012, 01:45 PMaardvarcRe: Stopping Relocation and Not Agreeing to Temporary Order
Unless the OP gets a serious reality check, and figures out that there's a HUGE difference between what he has convinced himself is right, and what is ACTUALLY lawful (which, again, burglary isn't), he's going to be cut so far out of this child's life for so long by both mom and the courts that the child will be 18 and a total stranger before he gets a chance to be a "regular" parent.
Anxious - you came for advice. The advice all the way around is this: you made some really bad decisions here, and you realistically don't have a prayer of getting out the other side with anything resembling a normal parental relationship with your child unless (a) you get an attorney to help with your criminal defense and stop you from making statements that will aid the state in making a conviction, and (b) pending some level of success in the criminal case, your family law attorney is able to get the court to re-evaluate supervised visitation after a reasonable amount of time (because there's no hope of non-supervised visitation right now - no judge is going to allow the child to be alone with you). Get off the internet and get yourself a criminal defense attorney. Immediately. Beg, borrow, sell your computer, get another job, whatever you have to do - but a competent criminal defense is more important than any other aspect of your case right now. -
11-09-2012, 02:45 PManxiousdadRe: Stopping Relocation and Not Agreeing to Temporary Order
Okay okay okay okay okay. I'll call the lawyer my current one recommended and go to a consultation. I get it. I am not stubborn, I am reasonable. I see you guys are saying I need to get a lawyer for the criminal side of things, so I will.
Also, in response to free9man's comment, it is not my fault she has problems. It is not my fault the marriage ended. My wife had mental problems, as I've mentioned before. -
11-09-2012, 07:47 PMfree9manRe: Stopping Relocation and Not Agreeing to Temporary OrderYou believe she has mental problems but cannot prove anything besides a diagnosis of depression. Hardly earth-shattering stuff, lots of people live with it. Don't get folks started again on your crap about her other "issues." Based on the way you behave here, I'd venture to guess you are a big reason things went south. But that really wasn't what I was referring to. I was referring to the coming custody battle, which will likely be very one-sided, and your shenanigans like stealing her child.Quote:
Quoting anxiousdad
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11-09-2012, 07:49 PMcbgRe: Stopping Relocation and Not Agreeing to Temporary Order
I know what one of that poor woman's biggest problems is, and it's neither mental nor emotional problems.