Can My Boyfriend Be Prosecuted for Statutory Rape

My question involves criminal law for the state of: California

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. He is quite a bit older than I am (he is 45, I am 20). Though we started our relationship after I was 18, we did text back and forth prior to my 18th birthday. My mom took my phone and read my texts but never moved forward with prosecuting him. Now that I've revealed to my parents that we are ready to move in together, they are threatening to take my boyfriend to court (my mom says that she's saved the texts on documents).

Is this something that I need to be concerned about? How do I prove that this is not a case of statutory rape? How do I protect my boyfriend from something that is being acted on out of spite and anger?

Your parents are blowing smoke.

Sure, texting someone underage is never a good idea, but that comes nowhere near statutory rape.

I know that her intentions are to claim statutory rape through the suggestive, flirty texts. We obviously specifically waited until I was already 18 because I know how she is; we wanted to protect ourselves. However, she's claiming that she's got "attorney" friends who say otherwise. Is there anything that my boyfriend might be at risk for?

Honestly? Not a darned thing. You're an adult, he's an adult, and there's no proof whatsoever that you had underage sex.

Think of it this way - if she actually had something, she would've done something about it surely? Instead of merely threatening you?

Out of curiosity what is it she's wanting to accomplish here?

I hear you, my brain is just sort of in panic mode right now--I guess moms tend to have that effect. It's hard to me to step back and look at the situation from a logical perspective.

I'm not entirely sure what her motives are, she keeps saying that she's going to do it for "all of those girls who are afraid to speak up", which is clearly some sort of deluded, self-righteous idea that she has in her mind. She wants to punish him for being in contact with me when I was a minor...she keeps referring to him as a pedophile.

She clearly just strongly disapproves of our relationship and will pretty much do whatever she thinks she can do to stop it.

Oh please - it might not be everyone's cup of tea, but this is not pedophilia!

Move on with your life. Hopefully Mom will come around and get her head on straight :)

Time to start slowly moving your belongings out.

I just overheard them say that they will be taking the texts to the sheriff's department on Monday to start moving forward.

Their plan is to make a blow to him financially because they think that he's manipulated me ever since I was 17 and that he took advantage of me when I was younger...

Is there anything that would make my boyfriend have to hire an attorney?

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Quoting cabaretkitty

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I just overheard them say that they will be taking the texts to the sheriff's department on Monday to start moving forward.

Their plan is to make a blow to him financially because they think that he's manipulated me ever since I was 17 and that he took advantage of me when I was younger...

Is there anything that would make my boyfriend have to hire an attorney?

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I honesty cannot understand why they're doing this. The chances of him being prosecuted are, in my opinion, virtually nil. IF by some chance your boyfriend is served or arrested, do let us know.

If that happens, he should speak with an attorney.

If you're ready to move in together....time to get packing and moving quietly (your parents do have to leave the house at times, right?)

Your parents may try the "you can only take what you bought yourself" thing - so get those out first. Get a storage unit if you need to.

They may tell you that you can't take anything they purchased for you (bed, dresser, etc). Be prepared for that.

While mom and dad are gone...get a small UHaul if you have to, and get stuff out.

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Quoting cabaretkitty

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I just overheard them say that they will be taking the texts to the sheriff's department on Monday to start moving forward.

Their plan is to make a blow to him financially because they think that he's manipulated me ever since I was 17 and that he took advantage of me when I was younger...

Is there anything that would make my boyfriend have to hire an attorney?

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Unless you are a dependent adult, they have no control over you unless you allow it, and you are able to have consensual sexual relations with any other adult that you choose. Mom and dad do not have to tolerate it and can tell you to leave, but there is no crime that can be pursued here unless there is proof of underage sexual relations, and texts are not likely to be sufficient to get any DA to pursue it.

However, I have to say that a 45 year old hooking up with a 20 year old is something that older guys might dream about, but I can virtually guarantee you that it has less to do with an emotional or intellectual attraction that it does biology. I have seen a great many of these relationships end in disaster for the girl as she tends to be left high and dry - sometimes with a child, sometimes without any job, resources, and a whole lot of burned bridges that were encouraged by the guy. My GUESS is that he will take steps to strengthen his control over you as time goes on, and you may not realize it because you are "in love." Since I am sure you will say that he is not like that and you are both in love, about all I can hope to impart to you is to be careful, get your own job, keep a separate bank account, and do not sever ties to friends and family ... you may need them one day.

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Quoting cdwjava

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Unless you are a dependent adult, they have no control over you unless you allow it, and you are able to have consensual sexual relations with any other adult that you choose. Mom and dad do not have to tolerate it and can tell you to leave, but there is no crime that can be pursued here unless there is proof of underage sexual relations, and texts are not likely to be sufficient to get any DA to pursue it.

However, I have to say that a 45 year old hooking up with a 20 year old is something that older guys might dream about, but I can virtually guarantee you that it has less to do with an emotional or intellectual attraction that it does biology. I have seen a great many of these relationships end in disaster for the girl as she tends to be left high and dry - sometimes with a child, sometimes without any job, resources, and a whole lot of burned bridges that were encouraged by the guy. My GUESS is that he will take steps to strengthen his control over you as time goes on, and you may not realize it because you are "in love." Since I am sure you will say that he is not like that and you are both in love, about all I can hope to impart to you is to be careful, get your own job, keep a separate bank account, and do not sever ties to friends and family ... you may need them one day.

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Thank you, I can understand why people would think that. I don't expect people to understand our relationship, which is why I'm not surprised by my parents' reaction. But I do have my own well-paying full time job, I pay my way through school, and I'm currently a 4.0 student, just a few months shy of obtaining my degree. And I have absolutely NO intentions of sharing a bank account with anyone (my parents set up a bank account for me when I was 8 and drained all of the money that I had saved from babysitting and part-time jobs by the time I was a senior in high school). And I take extra precaution as to prevent any babies from being in my near future.


But I appreciate your insight and affirmation. I had thought I had done all of the research that I had needed to do and informed myself, but they just seemed so convinced that they can go after him and convict him of something.

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Quoting PandorasBox

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If you're ready to move in together....time to get packing and moving quietly (your parents do have to leave the house at times, right?)

Your parents may try the "you can only take what you bought yourself" thing - so get those out first. Get a storage unit if you need to.

They may tell you that you can't take anything they purchased for you (bed, dresser, etc). Be prepared for that.

While mom and dad are gone...get a small UHaul if you have to, and get stuff out.

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Wow, it's almost like you know my parents, because they would totally hold "we bought these so they're ours" over my head.

I would have started moving my things out, however we will be moving to Manhattan--the only reason I agreed to move 3,000 miles away is because the company I work for is based in Manhattan and have already placed me in a position that I would be able to take up immediately once I've moved over there. Although, my boyfriend's parents have agreed to allow me to bring my stuff in boxes little by little to their place until it's time for me to go. He's currently in Manhattan as his apartment there is having some subletting issues (whole different can of worms).

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Quoting Dogmatique

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I honesty cannot understand why they're doing this. The chances of him being prosecuted are, in my opinion, virtually nil. IF by some chance your boyfriend is served or arrested, do let us know.

If that happens, he should speak with an attorney.

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I'm sorry for triple-posting here, but I wanted to take the chance to respond to everyone's feedback.

I will definitely update if anything happens. I mean, the texts don't indicate any proof of sexual intercourse when I was a minor because we never made that move. My parents think that he is a predator who should not have gotten away with texting me when I was 17.

Well, texting a 17 year old is not a crime. And even if they were inappropriate, they are most often misdemeanors and the statute of limitations would have expired long ago (one year). Mom and dad are going to be disappointed in the response they get from the police.

cabaretkitty - I know your parents because it reminds me of my grandmother. She was always threatening to kick me out and donate all my belongings to Salvation Army. I had to ask the question here, and learned that if she did - I could sue her for the stuff I had purchased myself and had receipts for (my cameras, guitar, etc).