When Can a Mother Stop Visitation

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Massachusetts

I have 3 children, 13, 16, and 17 years old. I was awarded sole physical and legal custody of our 3 children. There is a history of violence in the relationship, and I have had multiple restraining orders against my ex, the last being over 5 years ago. My ex did not stay on schedule with his visitation and usually only saw the kids once a month instead of the every other weekend scheduled by the courts. I have brought multiple complaints to the courts regarding my ex husband and his family drinking excessively and having marijuana around my children.

This past December it was brought to my attention that my 17 year old son (then 16) was smoking marijuana and getting some of it from his father's house. At that point, I told my ex husband that I did not want the children to spend the night at his house anymore and would set time limits on the day visits.

Then this past June, my ex had the children for the day and my youngest son had a baseball game. My ex husband and I argued because he couldn't get my son to the game on time. I told him that if he couldn't get him there I would come pick him up and get him to the game on time. My ex then threatened that if I showed up at his house he would "put a bullet through my engine block." My husband lives in New Hampshire and is a member of the National Guard, so I do know that he does own guns. He then agreed to get him to the game on time. After meeting up with my son at the game, he told me that his father "lost it" when he got off the phone. I questioned my son what that meant, and he said his father threw down the phone and said in front of 2 of my children, "I'm going to put a bullet through her engine block." and "I hope cancer takes over her body and kills her." I then told him that this was inappropriate behavior in front of the children and I am not going to let him see the kids if I can't be certain that he is providing a healthy and safe environment.

Since this incident, he has not seen the kids and I have tried to talk to him regarding the situation and how to ensure this does not reoccur but he has been uncooperative. I have not taken the issue to court in hopes that there could be some resolution. I did tell my ex that he could attend sports and school events, and could visit with the children with a non-bias person present to ensure there was no reoccurance of this behavior.

I was informed yesterday that my ex told my daughter over the phone that he is getting a laywer, do I have a leg to stand on?

Not until you go to the court and get the visitation order changed. Only a JUDGE can change a visitation order - you don't have the authority to alter it. If you feel there are legit reasons for the safety of your children that indicate that a change needs to be made, then the response is to go to court to GET that change made. Until then, you are obligated to follow the order as written. If the circumstances are so dire that the order NEEDS to be changed, the court expects that you'll jump on it and get it done.

To oversimplify things, the only time a court will think it's reasonable for a parent to withhold the children without getting the order modified is when the children would be placed in imminent danger if visitation went ahead.

This doesn't come close to that.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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To oversimplify things, the only time a court will think it's reasonable for a parent to withhold the children without getting the order modified is when the children would be placed in imminent danger if visitation went ahead.

This doesn't come close to that.

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Yep...you unfortunately messed up mom. There is of course the possibility that your ex won't actually hire an attorney and won't press forward on the issue, but if he does, you have a problem. The problem may only result in a scolding from the judge, or a scolding plus fines, but you have a problem. If you make the same mistake again, after being scolded or fined, it could even result in a loss of custody.

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Quoting mother3

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...I did not want the children to spend the night at his house anymore and would set time limits on the day visits...

...I then told him that this was inappropriate behavior in front of the children and I am not going to let him see the kids if I can't be certain that he is providing a healthy and safe environment...

...I did tell my ex that he could attend sports and school events, and could visit with the children with a non-bias person present to ensure there was no reoccurance of this behavior...

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Dad may not be a stellar parent (although its really not up to you - or me - to be the judge of that), but you are not the "gatekeeper" for his children. It is not up to you to set the rules. I suggest you make nice with dad so that he drops whatever he wants to file with his lawyer, and suggest that dad, you, and children be involved in family counseling or similar. At a minimum, from now on you need to follow the order unless and until you get it changed.

Furthermore, besides being gatekeeper over dad's time with the children, you have decided you can tell dad when he is and is not allowed to attend public events?! You don't have the right to dictate this to anyone. I could show up to kiddo's soccer game if I wanted to. Dad doesn't need a green light from you to go. You have likely inflamed dad by acting as if he does need your permission.