Can an Inconsistent Father Get Joint Custody

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Massachusetts

My daughter is 4. Her bio father is listed on the birth certificate and we were never married. Her bio father left when she was a month old and returned a few months later. Was in her life for almost a year and after we broke up he got abusive putting both her and I in harm's way. I have had 2 restraining orders on him. One was for my daughter and I for a full year. I have incidents on file where he attacked us in a store, forced us to stay somewhere for a prolonged period of time, etc. I even moved her and I out of state for a while to try and get away from everything that was going on at the time. During the time when my daughter was 2, I met a man and he has been in her life consistently since then. He has provided her with a place to live, clothing, etc. As far as my daughter is concerned, he is her Daddy.

For the past year and a half or so, her bio father has been making failed attempts to be involved in her life. He will keep in contact with her for a month or two and then fall off the face of the Earth for a few more months. Rinse and repeat. During the time when he is in her life, he feels visiting her for an hour or so 3 days a week is sufficient enough effort. Every time he asks for contact with her again it is the same old story. And every time he never sticks around. He has recently (within the past 6 months) started consistently paying child support. He has paid it before but stops frequently. Is it possible for me to refuse the support? I wish I had never petitioned for it. Should I allow for him to come in and out as he pleases? I personally feel this isn't good for her emotional health but I am unsure of what my rights are. If he decides to take me to court, do you think it's possible he would get joint custody? The way he makes it sounds, he wants to completely uproot her ASAP and split her time between us 50/50.

She is started school soon and learning that her last name is different from everyone around her. She has stated to me several times she "wishes her last name was like Mommy's and her family's". What kind of process am I looking at to change her last time? Will her bio father be able to challenge me? He likes to do whatever he can to have something over my head. If something is obviously in her best interest, he will not agree to it just to have some form of control. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time.

Why should he not have partial custody? It appears a court order is needed for you to allow his relationship with his child.

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As far as my daughter is concerned, he is her Daddy.

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Ah, so you lied to her.

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Is it possible for me to refuse the support?

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maybe but why would you? It doesn't change anything other than you won't be getting the money your child deserves.

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Should I allow for him to come in and out as he pleases?

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If there is court ordered visitation, you have no right to refuse him visitation. If you believe the situation should be changed, you would have to petition to change the visitation order.

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The way he makes it sounds, he wants to completely uproot her ASAP and split her time between us 50/50.

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Oh, so he does want to be a father. Have you frustrated his efforts to see his child during his assigned visitation time?

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What kind of process am I looking at to change her last time?

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I believe you meant name.

You can petition the court. The father will be notified. You all get to face the judge and tell him/her why the child's name should or shouldn't be changed. The judge says; and the child's name shall be...

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Will her bio father be able to challenge me?

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btw, he is THE FATHER, THE ONLY FATHER. Yes, he will be able to challenge your petition.

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Ah, so you lied to her.

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I did not lie to her. She knows her bio father as her father. The fact that she calls the other party Daddy was 100% her choice. She will still call him by his first name from time to time.

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If there is court ordered visitation, you have no right to refuse him visitation. If you believe the situation should be changed, you would have to petition to change the visitation order.

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There is no court order for anything. The only time the courts have been involved is when I was being stalked and he was putting myself and my daughter in danger.

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Oh, so he does want to be a father. Have you frustrated his efforts to see his child during his assigned visitation time?

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I have never frustrated his efforts. He lives 3 houses down the road. He has had easy access to his child. The only time he was not allowed to see her was when I had the restraining order.

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btw, he is THE FATHER, THE ONLY FATHER. Yes, he will be able to challenge your petition.

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Yes he is her father. Yes he created her. As my above post states, he has been violent, mentally unstable, and neglectful.


Please, do not make assumptions. Your tone indicates that I am trying to lie to my child and push out her deserving father to replace him with another man. Personally, I don't believe you should allowed to be a parent when you find it convenient. He has always shown more interest in me than our daughter. He has done nothing that would deserve him a pat on the back. His attempts have been short lived. Before a few days ago, he had not made any effort to contact her since the beginning of August which is when he promised to take her to the zoo, and never showed.

The law doesn't care what you believe.

He is entitled to be a come-and-go parent - that is his right

Maybe he didn't come around all the time because he had no lawful order supporting him mandating him time with the child. Maybe he grew tired of having to ask for time with the child.

I really don't know but the fact is; he can seek visitation and even custody if he chooses. Unless he is a danger to the child, he will get visitation. Custody (at least physical) would be unlikely based on what you have stated.

If he has a history of being abusive and attacking the both of you then I would ask the court to make it mandatory for him to seek professional help (Anger management) in order to be in the child's life.

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Quoting Brittneyamber

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If he has a history of being abusive and attacking the both of you then I would ask the court to make it mandatory for him to seek professional help (Anger management) in order to be in the child's life.

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It's far more likely that visitation would be temporarily supervised.

The courts generally are incredibly reluctant to make visitation CONTINGENT upon a parent completing anger management UNLESS there is a proven record of abuse of the child in question.

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Quoting Dogmatique

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It's far more likely that visitation would be temporarily supervised.

The courts generally are incredibly reluctant to make visitation CONTINGENT upon a parent completing anger management UNLESS there is a proven record of abuse of the child in question.

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I agree...but wouldn't the previous restraining order that included the child be indicative of that?

I'm thinking not, to be honest. It's far too easy to get an RO which includes any/all minor children; it doesn't indicate abuse. Mom has also indicated that there is no RO in effect right now for her or little one. Given that Mom has allowed contact since that time she might have a hard time convincing the court that Dad should have to comply with X and Y before he has access.

Of course I might be missing something - it happens! Maybe Mom can come back and clarify that issue?