Ex-Husband Refusing to Agree on Custody Modification

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: MO

I filed for contempt and a custody modification on my exhusband back in January. He did the same thing to me. My oldest daughter was living with me and him and his wife decided that she needed to move back to their house, so his wife kept her when he was working in Tenessee. He works out of state during the week and is never home with my kids. They are always with his wife. In my modification, I wanted all my kids to live with me and him to pay child support. In his papers it says that all the kids live with him and I pay child support, plus he wants over $2K in stuff added to back child support in stuff he says I was supposed to pay for from our last custody hearing. I had tried to settle with him back in May by offering for my middle daughter to live with me and my other 3 kids to live with him and none of us pay child support, but he wouldn't agree to it. He has a really good job and makes over $1500 a week, and I'm on unemployment right now so it's hard for me to fight him in court. He thinks that his wife can raise their kids together and my kids instead of letting me raise my kids. How can I get him to agree so we don't have to go to court?

You can't force him to agree to anything.

I know I can't force him to agree, but what can I do to not have to go to court? He wants me to pay child support and I can't afford it. I told him that I can support the kids at my house and he can support them at his house and pay for their other stuff since he makes more money. Do you think a judge would agree with me or him? I think my only other option is to sign over my rights so I don't have to pay child support, but then I wouldn't get to see my kids.

No, you can't just sign over your rights so you don't have to pay support.

If the children do not primarily live with you, then you can expect to pay support. If you want primary custody largely because of the money factors, that's an incredibly poor reason.

Your option is likely going to be that you reorganize your budget (get a second job, downsize, cut the cable service, carpool, etc.) so that you can afford to pay whatever support the court deems you to owe.

Why do you think you shouldn't pay child support?

I'm on unemployment so I only make $200 a week. He makes almost $1500 a week so I have no problem supporting my kids when there at my house, but I can't afford to support them at his house too. He thinks I need to pay for there stuff over at his house too. He makes enough money to be able to support them at his house.

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Quoting Tink1981

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I'm on unemployment so I only make $200 a week. He makes almost $1500 a week so I have no problem supporting my kids when there at my house, but I can't afford to support them at his house too. He thinks I need to pay for there stuff over at his house too. He makes enough money to be able to support them at his house.

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Tink, I do have one more question if you don't mind?

How long have you been unemployed and what was your previous income?

(Ok, that's sort of two questions - sorry!)

Maybe I missed something, but if you have orders through the court saying that you are suppose to pay a certain amount in child support, there is/was an obvious reason why you were ordered to pay and he wasn't? If your circumstances changed and now you are on unemployment, ask the court for a modification in child support while you are on unemployment. Ask for FROR (First Right of Refusal) so that you DO get to take care of your kids when the ex is out of town for work or whatever. Ask the court for a change in custody, joint custody, whatever. But you WILL have to go to court. This does not sound like you two adults will resolve it without a court order. Take out a loan and hire an attorney. Good luck!

I've been unemployed for about 2 months. I was a home health care aide before for about 4 years since I got out of prison. Now I can't find a job because no one will hire me being a convicted felon. I have a good cause waiver but they won't accept it at the hospitals and health care places around me. The court order says I am supposed to pay half of the medical, dental, and other expenses. I haven't had the money for it, and I'm not going to pay for stuff he puts them in when there at his house. The reason I was supposed to pay is because my kids live with him. How would I get a FROR with him living 1 1/2 hours away from me? I couldn't get the kids to there school everyday and his lawyer put in the court papers that they have to go to school where he lives.

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Oh yeah. I was making $800 every 2 weeks before I lost my job. I forgot to answer that question.

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Quoting Tink1981

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I've been unemployed for about 2 months. I was a home health care aide before for about 4 years since I got out of prison. Now I can't find a job because no one will hire me being a convicted felon. I have a good cause waiver but they won't accept it at the hospitals and health care places around me. The court order says I am supposed to pay half of the medical, dental, and other expenses. I haven't had the money for it, and I'm not going to pay for stuff he puts them in when there at his house. The reason I was supposed to pay is because my kids live with him. How would I get a FROR with him living 1 1/2 hours away from me? I couldn't get the kids to there school everyday and his lawyer put in the court papers that they have to go to school where he lives.

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Oh yeah. I was making $800 every 2 weeks before I lost my job. I forgot to answer that question.

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In other words, you are voluntarily under- or un-employed.

Get two jobs. Three even. Your kids don't need to eat less just because you messed up, I'm afraid.

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Quoting Chede

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Maybe I missed something, but if you have orders through the court saying that you are suppose to pay a certain amount in child support, there is/was an obvious reason why you were ordered to pay and he wasn't? If your circumstances changed and now you are on unemployment, ask the court for a modification in child support while you are on unemployment. Ask for FROR (First Right of Refusal) so that you DO get to take care of your kids when the ex is out of town for work or whatever. Ask the court for a change in custody, joint custody, whatever. But you WILL have to go to court. This does not sound like you two adults will resolve it without a court order. Take out a loan and hire an attorney. Good luck!

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ROFR isn't going to work in this situation.