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Modifying Custody from Joint Legal to Sole Legal

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  • 09-25-2012, 06:58 PM
    Steph1986
    Re: Joint Legal to Sole Legal
    Quote:

    Quoting Chede
    View Post
    Sorry... I was reading some of the OPs posts and wondering if it was me writing or if someone else seems to have an ex with similar characteristics of my ex.
    Listen... Next spring will be 7 years.. YES 7 years... still the same ol' same ol'. If you don't have everything CLEARLY LISTED in your orders, you are fighting an uphill battle, so it seems. From haircuts to activities on only YOUR parenting days, to what kind of shoes to buying a backpack for school each year...... it doesn't end. BUT it only takes one person to change... change how you respond... change your outlook.... your child will eventually realize you did everything for your child.... try to let the petty stuff go and keep the emotion out of it. Trust me, I live it, every day. I'm still learning every day and I lean on this forum to get honest straight forward opinions to help me when I am stuck in emotion. Some days are better than others... good luck.

    Thanks! When we had our mediation sessions, things were tense but we managed to agree on things. And even though we hardly actually got along, we were able to figure things out maturely for B's sake. I thought then, since we were still in our first year of learning to co-parent, that things would get better from there. I never would have thought that, 2 years down the road, we would actually be worse than what we were then. And for reasons I don't even know anymore! I've done a lot of research on custody in IL and I've read that the laws favor joint custody to keep both parents in the loop on decision-making. But I've also read that the laws don't favor it if neither parent wants it to begin with, or if the parents just can't seem to get along, so they rarely order it. I'm not sure which is true these days or if they're both true depending on where in the state you live. I wish I had done my research in the very beginning. I would have been more picky about things in the papers. Then again, I never would have guessed that my ex would one day tell me that the normal little boy haircuts I give B are stupid...

    But this isn't just about the one hour notice or even about haircuts. It's about all future decisions and struggles I'm about to face. I don't want to strip my ex of his joint decision-making rights exactly, but sometimes it seems like that's the only way to make this work.

    I'm planning on getting B in to see a therapist soon. He has a lot of issues when it comes to his dad, never wants to go to his house (like crying and fit throwing), always clams up when his dad is mentioned and doesn't include him on family pictures at day care/preschool. Like I mentioned before, I'm sure it has a lot to do with different environments and such, or at least that's what I keep telling myself. But when I ask him why he doesn't want to see Daddy, he responds with either 'because' or 'Daddy's house is broken'. Hopefully with a therapist, we can get to the bottom of this and I can learn exactly what I need to do to help B feel better about his dad. And then maybe that will make me feel a little better about my ex. At this point, he knows that B struggles going with him, but doesn't seem to care enough to figure it out or try and fix it.

    Oy. Who would have thought that 2.5 years later I'd still be taking baby steps?

    Thanks for the responses everyone!
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