By shaving the mohawk you've actively undermined Dad's parenting - and B will actually be confused.
I know you don't think it's much, but he's going to pick up on everything. If he doesn't understand, it just leads to more confusion.
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By shaving the mohawk you've actively undermined Dad's parenting - and B will actually be confused.
I know you don't think it's much, but he's going to pick up on everything. If he doesn't understand, it just leads to more confusion.
It may be much more difficult at times, but I am firm believer that taking the high road eventually does pay off. Your child will also eventually see and understand that, and that's most important.
While I totally understand and agree, I refuse to allow my child to be the "toy" in my ex's games and be made to go around looking like a fool because Dad cares only about hurting me. If, in the future, B comes to me and wants a mohawk, I will take him to have it done, instead of allowing my ex to do it, where it's misshapen and spotty.
Why don't you just meet at the same gas station, restaurant, business or park every week? That way you won't have to let him know where to meet you.
Basically because it's his way or the highway. He lives on one side of the town that I'm never at and he wants to meet somewhere by his house. Yet he won't allow me to just meet at his house. So if I were to say 'okay, lets meet here every time then', he'll say 'no, how about here'. If it's not his way, then I'm not compromising. Call me petty, but I choose the highway. And I won't give a foot until he can at least give an inch.
Yes, it's petty. You're going to have a miserable 15 years if you keep this up.
I get that it's hard to understand a situation when you're given a summary of events and when it's one sided. From what you're telling me, I should just roll over, give my ex what he wants, do what he wants, etc, all to make this whole joint custody thing a breeze. And, boy, that would make life on him easier. If I had done all that to begin with, we wouldn't have a visitation schedule, it would go by what he wants at the last minute and then crying wolf to the courts when I said such and such day is not good. That's how we landed in court to begin with. I wouldn't be getting squat for child support, no help with daycare, insurance, nothing. I would have to do all the transportation, which, before, was a 30 minute drive, but is now 45 minutes. They move an extra 15 minutes away and somehow it's my fault. B was diagnosed with asthma shortly before he turned 2. To this day, my ex still doesn't believe me and if I had let them have their way, his girlfriend would still be shoving her nasty cigarettes in B's face, causing him to be sick constantly. But, because I didn't roll over, I made sure I got what was best for B.
I tried to compromise with him, make decisions jointly, sit down and have adult discussions. Dealing with these people is like living on a roller coaster. One minute they're up and we can actually talk and get along. And the next, they're down, mad at me because of something from the past and refusing to even answer a text. So I tried giving my ex whatever he asked for. Switch weekends or days, keep B longer, pick him up earlier, keep him an extra overnight, cancel visitation, etc. I spent my time going above and beyond the court papers, hoping that we could work things out eventually. But, when it came time for me to ask him for something, he wasn't willing to budge.
Honestly, as a human being trying to do what's best for my son, I can only take so much crap before I either start throwing it back or just put up a wall and let what he throws my way bounce back. I've spent my time during the first year after we split throwing everything back. Now, while wanting peace without completely inconveniencing myself for the sake my stubborn ex, I choose to put the wall up and do what I have to to make it bearable on myself and easy on B.
I've already mentioned that I still have a lot to learn. I accept that and will take whatever criticism you want to give me. But I doubt any judge will look at this situation, where I am struggling to make it work, doing everything that comes with our joint custody arrangement, and my ex, who is doing everything possible to make a simple task look like climbing Mount Everest solely to upset me, and put the 2 of us on this same level. Now I'm not saying that will get me anywhere near getting sole legal custody (although in IL, I see that it's either sole custody or joint custody, no in between), I understand that if I ever do attempt taking this to court, it's a long shot. I still have until March until my first 2 years are up anyway. But the judge isn't going to look down on me for not going above the court papers and put me on the same level as my ex, who can't even follow the court papers when it inconveniences him.
What you're not getting from this is that it takes 2 to make this work. And regardless of whether I stand up for my self or bend over backwards for my ex, it's going to be miserable if he can't learn to co-parent.
You can't make him grow up. You can't make him co-parent. You *can* get an order where you meet at the same time every time.
Sorry... I was reading some of the OPs posts and wondering if it was me writing or if someone else seems to have an ex with similar characteristics of my ex.
Listen... Next spring will be 7 years.. YES 7 years... still the same ol' same ol'. If you don't have everything CLEARLY LISTED in your orders, you are fighting an uphill battle, so it seems. From haircuts to activities on only YOUR parenting days, to what kind of shoes to buying a backpack for school each year...... it doesn't end. BUT it only takes one person to change... change how you respond... change your outlook.... your child will eventually realize you did everything for your child.... try to let the petty stuff go and keep the emotion out of it. Trust me, I live it, every day. I'm still learning every day and I lean on this forum to get honest straight forward opinions to help me when I am stuck in emotion. Some days are better than others... good luck.
No one is saying you have to roll over and let him walk on you. But there is such a thing as picking the hill to die on.