Getting Domestic Violence Charges Dropped in California

My question involves criminal law for the state of: CALIFORNIA
My husband and i had a fight that involved pushing each other and shoving each other he grabbed me from my wrist which caused my watch to scratch me the kids witnessed some of that
i called 911 i was so distressed they came and took a statement from me and the kids and took him to jail where he spent the night and next morning his friend bailed him out and the police report said battery and child endangerment.
i do not want him thrown in jail i know we both have an anger problem and this fight i triggered it and i provoked him.
so now i'm worried that they gonna take the kids from me saying i endangered them too by letting them see us fighting so i'm planning to take them and go to my parents in another state and my husband he doesn't mind.
if the DA tried to contact me and they can't would that be held against me?will it save him ?he keep saying he is going to deny everything i said to the police that day and that would be it and they will drop the case.
i want the case to be dropped and i do not want him to go to jail.and we are not getting back together we gonna seek a divorce but for now how can i get him out of this mess?if i disappear would that be helping him?or will that cause more trouble for his case?
he doesn't want to contact a lawyer and keep saying he just gonna go and plea not guilty and he will have no problem if i don't show up and he will keep on denying everything
help please what is the right thing to do now?
he is has to appear in court in 3 days i think its arraignment
will the DA be contacting me?its been 3 days since the incident and i got no call no letter no nothing from anyone except the domestic violence organization calling to offer help and counsling if i needed them

You already left the barn door open and let the animals out. You can't put them back in now. It appears hubbies best option is to divorce you ASAP, when he gets out of jail. You are not the type of woman to go the distance with.

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Quoting ZEE1304

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i do not want him thrown in jail i know we both have an anger problem and this fight i triggered it and i provoked him

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You may have PROVOKED him, but you did not make hi grab you. In other words, HE made the decision to commit battery.

At this point the decision to prosecute is out of your hands.

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so now i'm worried that they gonna take the kids from me saying i endangered them too by letting them see us fighting

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That's not likely to happen so long as you cooperate with the police, the DA and agree to take appropriate action to protect yourself and the children in the future. However, if you change your story or try to recant your statement and your abuser returns home as a result of your actions, then it is likely your children will be taken.

If you tell the truth about the incident, accept the assistance offered to you and your family, then maybe you can all be reunited without a problem.

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so i'm planning to take them and go to my parents in another state and my husband he doesn't mind.

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Of course not - his primary witness against him will be in another state.

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if the DA tried to contact me and they can't would that be held against me?will it save him ?

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Yes ... And, probably not.

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he keep saying he is going to deny everything i said to the police that day and that would be it and they will drop the case.

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The DA expects victims to recant. Some 75% of victims recant and a good number of them will even lie and risk jail themselves to protect their abusers. It is a truly peculiar thing when a victim will risk jail to protect their abuser, but the abuser cares so little for their victim that they will permit this to happen. The "love" the abuser tends to have is a one way street ... everyone can love HIM, but he feels little to no obligation to return that affection.

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i want the case to be dropped and i do not want him to go to jail.and we are not getting back together we gonna seek a divorce but for now how can i get him out of this mess?if i disappear would that be helping him?or will that cause more trouble for his case?

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If you disappear you run the very real risk of losing the children, and, potentially being charged with a crime. Plus, the state can still pursue your husband.

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will the DA be contacting me?its been 3 days since the incident and i got no call no letter no nothing from anyone except the domestic violence organization calling to offer help and counsling if i needed them

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Get help from the counseling group! They can help put things into perspective for you! THEY will be YOUR advocates! You need some help before you make decisions that could affect the rest of your life and that of your children.

Unlike people who have been misinformed about domestic violence, (90% of DV "education" is inaccurate and gender biased), I know the facts. You wrote, "pushing each other and shoving each other," which is what happens in 50% of all DV cases. I appreciate that you want to take responsibility for your part in this. Unfortunately, law enforcement and DV advocates have not caught up with the facts on DV, and as you can see, they want to only blame your husband and make you a victim. Stand your ground!

Your husband is most likely now on state and federal abuse registries, which are almost impossible to get off of. I suggest he get an attorney. The state can continue their case against him, even if you don't agree. You should probably show up to tell the truth.

God help you both.

teri
www.saveservices.org

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Quoting teriincali

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Unlike people who have been misinformed about domestic violence, (90% of DV "education" is inaccurate and gender biased), I know the facts.

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Really? That might come as a surprise to a great many people that the researchers are incorrect. I hesitate to ask what sort of "facts" might be so off base, but I fear this is not the place to get into a discussion of theory and research as the OP's problem has to do with the facts as presented and the case as it is.

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You wrote, "pushing each other and shoving each other," which is what happens in 50% of all DV cases.

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I don't know whether pushing and shoving is what occurs in 50% of DV cases, but no matter, it is still battery (or assault, as it is defined in some states) and a crime. The unawanted and intentional placing of hands on another is criminal whether the couple is married, friends, in a dating relationship or complete strangers.

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Your husband is most likely now on state and federal abuse registries, which are almost impossible to get off of.

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What "abuse registry" are you speaking of? I know of no such database in CA or at the federal level. Perhaps you would care to specify.