Terminating Support Without Going to Court

My question involves child support in the State of: New York
I have 50-50 shared custody of my two kids, but my 18 year old moved in with me full time over 2 years ago. He has not slept at his mother's house since, and she has not paid for any of his expenses in over a year. In fact, she moved to a new house which has a small bedroom for my younger child, but no bedroom for the 18 year old. I pay an agreed amount of child support, based on my income. The agreement says that support terminates for a give child if that child establishes a residency away from the mother. Can I now reduce child support by 30% to reflect the proportion of support for one versus 2 children under the NY child support guidelines? Do I have to apply for a modification of support if the agreement specifies when support stops and those conditions have been met?

Bring a motion.

It will probably come to that, but look at my post about deducting room and board when child lives with non-custodial parent. If I am allowed to do the dollar for dollar deduction, my support check would be what I would expect it to be if I had the court terminate the support. The difference is that if I can do the "dollar for dollar," then the amount deducted is spelled out, so I should not need to file a motion to tell me how much I can deduct.
I have heard horror stories about fathers going to family court to ask for a reduction of child support, only to have it raised!

Also, if my support for him is terminated, I can't deduct room and board from child support if he transfers schools, or lives on campus next year. (I can't deduct from child support as per the agreement if I am no longer paying child support.)

Had he lived in the dorm, I would have subtracted the dollar per dollar without going to court because the agreement specifies that I can do it, so it is in fact setting the dollar amount I deduct, and has a cap to how much.

I am not sure of my best course, but if I can do it without taking a chance with court, I would think it would be better (and cheaper.)

Thanks.

The only way your support would be raised is if circumstances called for it. When was the last time your support order was looked at by a judge?
No, you cannot do anything without going to court unless the other party (in this case the mother) agrees to it. Unless you can get her to agree to what you want, you need to go back to court.

The support order has not been looked at since the agreement was done about 6 years ago. We have 50-50 shared custody and agreed to an amount of child support with the necessary calculations and explanation of why it deviated from NY guidelines. it was approved by the judge. My understanding is that courts are reluctant to change child support that is agreed to unless there is a significant unanticipated change of circumstances, so there has been no need to have a review so far.

I did not think child support can change by both parties agreeing unless it is then approved by the court.

What I am having difficulty with is that the agreement says I deduct dollar for dollar. If he lives in the dorm, and I follow that exactly, why do I need to get court approval to do exactly what the agreement says I should do?

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One clarification.

His mother had said that I could deduct $500 per month from child support to pay me for the tuition money I laid out to cover her share. I did not want to do that because I thought that even with her agreement, I cannot reduce the check. It sounds like you are saying I can if she agrees.

I think I should review what I am trying to accomplish. I continued to pay child support to her for 3 years after he moved in with me. Not only did she not use any of it for his expenses, she stole his Bar Mitzvah gift money and spent it.

Now that he is 18 and starting college, I cannot afford to pay my share of college and also pay his child support when I am paying for all of his expenses, food, car insurance, cell phone, gas, etc etc, and she has no expenses relating to him. She does not maintain a room for him, nor ever have him stay over.

She has refused to pay her 50% of tuition so far, so I had to lay that out so he could start college.

I am trying to find a way to decrease my support check to only cover my younger son (who lives 50-50).

By my calculations, and by an attorney's (free consult but $5000 retainer if I use him), $500 per month reflects the share that is for his support. It is also the amount I pay for room and board. I can't afford a lawyer, so I am stuck with family court which I am told can give very unpredictable results. So, I see my options are:

Ask for support to stop since he no longer lives with mother and agreement says that would end support. But, I am afraid it might open up the way for the court to totally recalculate child support for my younger one, and end up with a new amount that is higher than what we have in the agreement.

If I have a way do deduct room and board as specified in the agreement, I would think I can do it without going to court because the amount to deduct is spelled out.

In both of these scenarios, his mother is still not paying her required 50%, but I would need a lawyer to take her to court for that, and then would have to collect, which would take a long time. I have no money to retain a lawyer. But, in the room and board scenario, I am paying $500 less per month- if I can do it without court.

She said I could deduct $500 per month from chid support to pay her share of tuition. Although it sounds like you are saying it is ok, I would feel better if others reading this confirmed I can do this without court approval. In this scenario, I am helping cash flow by $500 a month, but still "paying" child support, which I cannot later try to recoup in court as I could if I could pay $500 less by the other methods, leaving her still obligated to pay her 50% of tuition.

From what I read, the courts have a lot of discretion in setting child support, since out combined incomes are above $135,000 and the amount of support on the excess income is up to the courts. They can do whatever they want as long as they "explain" why they are doing it, I believe. That's a big wild card.

I really do not know what to do. Child support is supposed to end according to the agreement. If it continues, I am supposed to be able to deduct room and board. She is required to pay 50% of college, which she is not doing- and it will cost me as much in legal fees as she owes for this first semester, and I cannot afford the retainer.

I know it is useless to talk about "unfair," but the agreement says what I can do, yet it sounds like I cannot do it without another trip to court! Very frustrating. And unfair. (sorry, I said I should not use the word)

Help. I am drowning here.

Yes, if you both agree, have something drawn up and approved by the court. No, do not stop paying her until this is legitimized by the court, or you'll still end up owing the money.
Just like in child support (when you ask for it) the sooner you file, the sooner you'll get the resolution you want.

Thanks. I will see if she will agree to put in writing that I can deduct $500 per month to pay off what I laid out for tuition. In the past, she would start putting conditions on things we had agreed to.

If she does not agree in writing, I will immediately file a request to end child support on the grounds that he has established a residence away from the mother. That is said to be an emancipating event in our agreement. Hopefully, that should be straight forward.