How Can the Non-Custodial Parent Get a Second Chance for Custody

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Illinoise

Bear with me as this will be long~ But to be honest, upfront, and hope to get the best advice...Ill have to be!

I have An amazing son who is 9~ my relationship with his father of 10 years which for the past 3 has been off and on, and for the past year more off than on. with reguard to our son, we have always tried to do whats for him. untill recently that has changed. In the times and periods his father and i have been split up he has always gone and stayed with whomever was best suited for him at the time. never been to court had anything legally establised.

My son has always lived with me, on any of the occasions that we were split up. However last year I was living with my mother and caring for her as she had open heart surgery twice. When we first moved into the apartment we didnt have any furniture, bed, tv etc etc. as all of our belongings had been in storage the year my mother was in and out of hospital for her heart surgerys. I really felt that it wasnt in my sons best interest to have him there untill things became a little more stable. so I sent him to stay with his fatrher for what I thought would be a month or two at most.

This has since turned into almost a year, that has turned into a nightmare in which Ive seen my son a total of 5 or 6 times....four of which have been in the past 3 months...even though my son lives no more than a 5 min drive from me, and even though his father has a job in which he travells and is gone 85% of the time travelling for work.

also A job he has which my father got him at the same compnay my father works for, he worked at a pizza place prior to this.


:confused::confused:


to the gritty....
on my end just to be blunt: I have struggled with a drug problem for many years...for the past 6 years I have had very spuratic periods of sobriety, a period of one year unbroken, in which a relapse caused a hospitalization and a significant memory loss problem, which went from not being able to retain memory periods for more than 20 or 30 min...to which at this point its little things...I forget....times dates etc etc...I have handled thia issue by keeping an appt book and keeping everything written down...again very off on with getting high...yet I maintained caring for my son, never endangered him in any way never high around him still not good but I kept it seperate... untill the past 2 years I wAS spurradiclly using...untill the past 2 years which I have been clean and can account for.

I however am not the only one who has had issues...his father my x has had 2 duis...a charge when he was younger for selling weed, a few documented occasions where he physically accausted me, which I will give credit that he did get some help and has not laid a hand on me in several years however he is very verbally abusie

because he travells for work and is rarely home...my son is living in his granfathers house who despises me...

however his grandfather...is a severe alcoholic, prior addiction to drugs as well...and I believe still currently smokes marijuana, this man was also arrested for threatining to shoot me, and when police went to question him was hiding a gun....so if were goin g to get into who is a better person to care for my son, this man isnt exactly barney fife..

My x's brother also lives in the home...who smokes pot drinks and is a fiflthy hoarder who barely showers,

as for me obviousllt with the drugs I have had several legal problems from petty things to some more seriouse..however as I said I have not had any trouble in over 2 years

I have really not worked much over the past 10 years....It was like that when we met, and still remains...it has been very difficult to find work with a criminal back ground

yet my sons grandfATHER WHO is caring for my aon does not work either.

once things were at a point when we had moved I was ready to have my son return with me, especially since his father was gone with work so much, when I inquired about this..I was told he was not oging to allow my son to return with me, that he wanted to make sure things were secure enough for him to return with me...allong with tis I was not being allowed to see my son

i believe finally when I did finally get a visit with himm it was only as I threatened to call the police etc etc that he allowed it.

In all the times I had my son by myself when we were split...I always allowed him to see his son when he wanted talk to him anytime he wanted visited him when he wanyed....now I Have to call three or four times a day leave messager after message hound him and catchg him off guard answerting the phone to get a visit.


because I dont work and he now makes nearly $30.00 an hour I know he has the money for a great lawyer, where I dont, I know they will throw all of the dirt from my past up in court...he has me backed in a corner, if i complain to much about not seing or talking to my son he says maybe well jjust go to court as he knows I am scared to go to court because imscarred ill lose . so he is really manipulating this situATION. I have been going allong with this as I felt in time things would improve but now...yesterday he said...he doesnt waste his time, with danny in requards to me because its a matter of time untill i **** up.


so clearly he has no intention to return custody to me,

...
any thoughts advice help would be greatly appreciated my son is living where he just does what he wants no bed time no rules no one tro help him with his homework has to listen to people bash me etc etc...I want whats best for him...and IO believe having both his parents in his life is whats best!





I appreciate any advice and if you have any questions shoot em...I cut so much out because this waS so winded was brutal and more brutal about my crap than his because theres plenty!

Leaving out the emotion, what you're saying is that Dad has had physical custody for over a year, correct?

And really - don't use that awful font size. Help us help you!

Sorry,

If physical custody is defined as who he has been living with, then yes he has been with his father for about a year. We have never been in any court rooms to define anything specific. Sorry to be emotional, I thought those factors important, as they have been the main threats I face, when trying to establish more regular visitation, or setting a time frame in which my son would return to my care~ that there is clearly no intention of that happening.

Dad has an excellent chance of becoming the primary custodial parent.

I understand father has excellent chance,

Legally what would I do to improve the odds in my favor? How would a father who is not home 90% of the time due to travel with work, as well as the living situation certainly not better than it would be with me. as he is living with two people who currently abuse alcohal and marijuana, My sons Grades, attitude and overall lifestyle has slipped significantly?

Quote:

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Quoting dannysmom

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I understand father has excellent chance,

Legally what would I do to improve the odds in my favor? How would a father who is not home 90% of the time due to travel with work, as well as the living situation certainly not better than it would be with me. as he is living with two people who currently abuse alcohal and marijuana, My sons Grades, attitude and overall lifestyle has slipped significantly?

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Talk to an attorney.

are there attorneys, who would work pro-se, or perhaps collect legal fee from the childs father if the case was won?

You don't have a case. You have shown the world and the court that you trust Dad to be the primary caregiver.

Wow, well maybe it will turn out that way, but I absolutly am not going to just give up that easily, if the courts have the betterment of the child in mind, then I cant imagine they would keep him in a situation that is worse than the care he would recieve elsewhere.

Please talk to a lawyer about getting something in the realm of "Right of First Refusal" established. This means that before dad leaves the kid with grandfather (which you said is what....85% of the time), you have the option of taking the kid, or staying with the kid. Yes, dad does have an excellent chance at custody. But your son is also 9 years old, and has a relationship with you established before the past year. So you have a right to custody too. Truly, you have a good chance at 50/50, but talk to a lawyer about your options.

Even if dad gets primary custody, you have more rights than Grandfather does. So make sure if dad is gone that you get the first right to be with your child.

I realize I am new to this forum, but I read it every single day and have been learning a lot, so I wanted to throw that in there.

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Also, if you are concerned about how to pay for a lawyer, I went and talked to someone at my bank and got a small loan for lawyer fees. It isn't the best option, but if you simply have no money, it is worth it in order to get your parental rights legally established.