Dead Beat Dad Wants Custody to Avoid Child Support

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Maryland

I have 4yr old son whom I have had full custody since the day he was born. His father (which I never married or lived with) has been in and out of jail since he was born. He is over $3000.00 behind in support. He has filed for full custody of my son just so he doesn't have to pay. He has taken me to court' now I am under court order to go to parenting classes, which I have already done in the past. He tried for custody when he was first born that was before he went to jail. I have went to school and got a degree to give me and my child a better life and get out of the system. Now I being ordered to pay for parenting classes and evaluator which I cannot afford. The day we went to court there was a sheriff in the courtroom waiting to take him to jail after the hearing for child support. He has no job, no place to live, no transportation, he relies on his mother for everything who is barely making it herself. My question is can they make me pay for all of this when he is the one who filed for custody? What would happen if I wrote the court a letter and told them my situation and that I have already done these classes? Can they really take my child from me and let someone who has no means of supporting him and give him custody? I consider myself an excellent mother and my son and his well being is my only priority. That's why I went back to school and tried to better myself just for my son. I'm not sure how to handle this, I have no lawyer and no money to hire one to fight this. What options do I have here?

Yes, you can be ordered to pay.

Writing to the court won't do a thing - it is considered an ex parte communication and would end up in the circular file.

Why didn't you mention this in court?

I wasn't given the chance to say anything in court. It was thrown over to a "evaluator" to listen to both sides. Does it even matter this guy has rap sheet as long as my arm. That he doesn't have a pot to pee in, he relies on his own mother for everything mind you he is 27 yrs old. I have done everything to better me and my sons life and yet I'm the one being persecuted. Why do I have to hire attorneys, spend what little money I have to fight for custody that I already have? This guy can come in anytime he feels like it and make our life miserable just because he doesn't want to pay his child support! All I can say is "what a man"!

You picked him, I'm afraid.

Hmmm... The costs of litigation that result from having a child with someone you aren't married to is often more than you want to pay, and often doesn't seem "fair," but they still are. Many of us here definitely have first hand experience with the same thing you're going through! I myself have definitely learned to pick better next time :)

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Quoting KRae08

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Does it even matter this guy has rap sheet as long as my arm.

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Not unless that rap sheet has convictions for crimes against children or committed in the presence of children. Simply being a criminal doesn't automatically mean that you lose any ground in a position as the child's parent. Courts want children to have TWO parents - until and unless one of those parents is proven to be a clear danger to the child.

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That he doesn't have a pot to pee in, he relies on his own mother for everything mind you he is 27 yrs old.

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But apparantly he's peeing SOMEWHERE, and it doesn't matter who is providing for him. If he's got a place at which to visit the child that isn't a proven danger to the child, he's got a better than average shot at standard visitation or even a little more depending on circumstances (if he's not working, he's got time to spend with his child, and he might even argue that this saves you money on babysitting - all sorts of arguments are possible).

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I have done everything to better me and my sons life and yet I'm the one being persecuted.

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A father seeking rights to access his child isn't a persecution. The simple fact is that this is the man whom you chose to have a child with. He has rights regarding that child and he has the right to seek to modify either support or visitation. He may not GET what he's seeking, in fact, the judge might laugh him right out of the courtroom, but he has the right to ASK the court to look at things. When either parent isn't happy with the situation and they aren't able to negotiate amongst themselves, one or both sides goes to court. That's just the way it works. That's why having children with someone you're willing to marry, live with, and co-parent with is often a plus. Because once there are children in the picture, you two parents are going to be co-parenting for 18 years.

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Why do I have to hire attorneys, spend what little money I have to fight for custody that I already have?

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You don't have to hire attorneys. But you'll do better in court if you have one. You don't have to fight for custody, but if you don't successfully respond to dad's requests, he could be awarded what he's seeking. The minute you slept with dad, you opened the door for him to seek rights and have responsibilities until the child is 18 (or more). Since you and dad haven't been able to work out parenting and paying amongst yourselves (which is one of the basic purposes of marriage; to provide a framework for making, supporting, and raising children), the courts get invited into the mix. Once you bestow those rights, you don't get to take them back - only a court can do that, and as noted above, because courts want children to have TWO parents, it's very difficult to convince a court to do that - it takes much more than dad just being a "looser" or behind in his support payments. While a lot of stiffed parents want the courts to punish the parent who doesn't pay support, the courts generally see reducing visitation as punishing the CHILD.

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This guy can come in anytime he feels like it and make our life miserable just because he doesn't want to pay his child support!

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Yes, he has the right, as the father of the child, to bring legal matters regarding the child before the court. That's why it's so important, whenever possible, to have children with partners who have shown a committment to raising a child WITH you.

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All I can say is "what a man"!

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What you see is generally what you get.