Can a 14 Year-Old Choose Which Parent She Wants to Reside With, Joint Custody

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Michigan. My 14 year-old has moved in with me and has foregone the usual visitation of 5-2-5 all summer. Her father now wants to go back to her living with him half-time. Three problems: His wife is abusive to our daughter; Our daughter does not want to live there because of the abuse by the stepmother (Dad is not around 80% of the time this goes on); Dad has recently moved to another city 60 miles away but insists he will get an apartment here in which to have her half-time. This seems ridiculous and impossible to implement. I was in the process of pursuing full physical custody, but that's ground to a halt for the time being. In summary, can my ex-husband MAKE my daughter live there half-time? Can a court MAKE her?

Is there a court order in place?

Is there proof of abuse?

A 14 year old does not have the right to choose which parent to live with and have that choice be binding on the parents and the court, if that is what you are asking.

Dogmatique: There is a court order only for the joint custody. The abuse is emotional (yes I know that's not counted like physical but it's just as damaging), and it's proved by my daughter and her two sisters who have lived with it as well. I did have a Motion drawn up stating such.

cbg: Why are attorneys telling me that if my daughter tells a judge that she wants to live with me, then that's all they need?

So there's no proof. No convictions, no CPS reports.

I have no idea why attorneys are telling you what they're telling you - because it's patently false.

But go ahead and hire one of those attorneys. Remind them of the concept of "change of circumstance". Because THAT is what you need before you even start filing for a modification.

Of course there's no proof in those ways. No one cares about emotional and verbal abuse. It basically doesn't exist to anyone who isn't suffering from it or watching others suffer from it.

I said there was a change in circumstance when I said the dad has moved 60 miles away. I really don't think you can split a week in half with a kid in school, do you?

Believe it or not, in some jurisdictions 60 miles would be nothing. In others, it would be a big deal.


Have a chat with a local attorney. I do see your point, and the attorney will know the climate of your court.

Unfortunately it is, as you know, close to impossible to prove emotional abuse. If the child is in therapy though, the therapist can testify to your daughter's mental state. It may or may not convince a judge to pick one parent, but it might.

This is, literally, a "we really can't predict the outcome" situation. I wish we could give you something more solid.

My other children have been in therapy and I plan to put this one in therapy as well. Maybe after she's in there awhile, I can try pursuing full physical once again. My luck with attorneys is not good in this county, and with my ex being an attorney, all seems against me at this time.

What about possibly being in contempt of the court order for joint custody? Could I be charged with parental kidnapping? If I don't want my child alone with his wife, and do not let her stay over there, can he have me arrested? I did some research on my own last night about this. I don't want to prevent him from [I]seeing[I] her, I just don't want her being cared for by his wife, which is what will be happening.

" I don't want to prevent him from [I]seeing[I] her, I just don't want her being cared for by his wife, which is what will be happening."

This is what happened with me.... From what I am told (and currently pursuing), there is nothing to be done except get an order with FROR (First Right of Refusal). Otherwise, since it is the other parent's actual parenting time and you have no FROR, you have no right to interfere with their parenting time or who that parent chooses to have care for the child.
If dad isn't around 80% of the time, not only could you get FROR added, you could also have an attorney add wording regarding Third Parties.. but remember... it works both ways. That being said, this could either A. Force dad to be a hands-on parent and actually spend time with his daughter. or B. Let you have the child when dad is gone overnight or 10 hrs or longer.. or however the FROR is written. I don't know because I don't have it in our orders .. yet. Good Luck.

Abuse needs to be documented.

Emotional abuse...I've lived through it....

People tell you to grow a thicker skin....sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Words from a relative really hurt.

Your children should start documenting what is said/done. And I would suggest counseling for them.