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Pending Green Card Application - Wife Not Sure What She Wants

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  • 08-24-2012, 01:53 PM
    Pejterpal
    Pending Green Card Application - Wife Not Sure What She Wants
    Hello everyone. I found myself in an extremely difficult situation and I'd like to share it looking for the best possible solutions.

    My story in short:

    I entered a country with J1 status to be an inter for 12 months. I've met a US citizen girl there and we both fell in love, and dated for 10 months, until I had a few weeks left to leave the country. We came to the common decision that getting married would be the easiest way to stay together and share our life.*
    So I've moved in to her place and we had a nice little wedding with all her family based on good faith. We have gathered all the evidences of our shared life and bonafide marriage including joint bank account statements, photos, affidavits from family members etc. and filed for greencard.
    Our applications got accepted, current status is pending, just got done with the biometrics a week ago.
    However our relationship became terrible. My wife's actions and thoughts made me finally realize that she suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. We can't really agree over any topic, I can't rely on her support with car, she became extremely abusive to me psychologically and very manipulative. I've found evidences of her actions of infidelity, confronted her and she denied everything. I have tried everything to make her happy again, but nothing semmed to work. She still seems like she is trying to hold on to our relationship and not being able to let me go. According to my researches, this is part of the mental disorder.
    I tried talking to my wife about the next step, the interview and if she still wants me in her life, and she couldn't come up with answers. When she was angry at times, she was saying that I can never use her car again, that she doesn't want to come to the interview, that she can't wait for me to get deported.
    I honestly feel like that I can't depend on her, she is changing her mind every time, not sure what she wants. And on the other hand, I can't just wait for the interview date, not being sure if she will show up with me.
    I can't afford to get deported and banned from the country because of our bad relationship.
    I contacted an immigration expert then, who I'm going to see soon. I believe the only legal way to fix my situation would be the I-360 WAVA Application.*
    I can prove with our previous application and her family's word that we did have a bonafide marriage in good faith. I can also prove my good moral character. I can prove my wife's difficult behavior with written affidavits by her family members. Her stepmother also told me she was a pathological liar. I am also thinking about going to therapy and explaining my feelings about our relationship and get written proof of past depression and psychological abuse that happened.
    I am not saying that our bad relationship is only her fault, I know it takes two, but I can't afford to be banned and deported over this situation.
    I hope that I can get some advice in this topic.

    Thanks for your time!
  • 08-26-2012, 01:00 PM
    Mr. Knowitall
    Re: Pending Green Card Application - Wife Not Sure What She Wants
    You bring up the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), but make no mention of being the victim of domestic violence. What did you leave out?

    You were married how long ago?
  • 08-26-2012, 02:27 PM
    Disagreeable
    Re: Pending Green Card Application - Wife Not Sure What She Wants
    Based on your assertions, you were not in a good faith marriage. If you had been, she would not have been running around on you.
  • 08-26-2012, 07:03 PM
    Pejterpal
    Re: Pending Green Card Application - Wife Not Sure What She Wants
    We got married 3 months ago only.

    She has never been physically abusive to me, but she had actions of mental and verbal abuse during our marriage. I know that this is very hard to prove when it comes to law, and not really considered as any type of abuse legally.

    She did try to emotionally manipulate me to not see any of my female friends, she called them names. She did blame me for every negative things that happened to her life. She has an entitlement feeling and whenever I refused to pay for certain expenses, that I didn't find fair (her dog's veterinary bills), she was very upset, told me she doesn't need me anymore. We can't really come up with any fair solution about our differences. If I act in a way that she doesn't like, she threatens me with not letting me drive the car again (which I paid gas for 80% of the times) and paid $1000 of fixing it. She did go through my money and counted it, when I refused to pay for her dog, I noticed having it in a totally different order. Confronting her with this only made her upset, and she didn't admit it. When we had our arguments, which I honestly believe I tried to solve calmly, she said that she will "punch me in the face" many times. I am sure that staying in this relationship will make it more abusive.

    Her mother, sister and stepmother all agree on her issues, and they agree on her being a pathological liar.

    With a therapist I can prove that my wife's behavior is not mentally healthy for me, I did experience depression and right now I feel like I am walking on eggshells and really depend on her, because of this AOS process. I do have many text messages showing her behavior and I can have family member's words, common coworkers words too.

    I know that this is a very sensitive situation, and not sure if I can do anything about it through law. I am just trying to see if I have any possibilities.

    Thank you for your time

    - - - Updated - - -

    So I just don't feel good around her anymore, it is not a healthy relationship. For some reason she is still trying to hold on to me so much. I did research a lot about psychology and Narcissistic Personality Disorder and bought books over it. It does explain all her past and present behaviors.

    Is there any legal way that I don't get a three year ban from the country? Since our relationship is not working out, I really don't intend to stay in the US, but I can't lose the chance of coming back.
  • 08-26-2012, 09:34 PM
    Mr. Knowitall
    Re: Pending Green Card Application - Wife Not Sure What She Wants
    I'm not sure what you want us to tell you. So far, you are in effect telling us that you didn't know your wife very well before marrying her, have lived together for a very short time, want a divorce, and don't have a viable VAWA case. See what your lawyer has to say.
  • 08-27-2012, 09:04 AM
    Pejterpal
    Re: Pending Green Card Application - Wife Not Sure What She Wants
    Yes, basically. When we married and started the whole process, I was blinded by emotions and thought about our small arguments as later fixable issues.

    So yes, it was a foolish idea and I only realized it now. And there is probably not much we can do about it.
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