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Child Doesn't Live With Custodial Parent

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  • 07-24-2012, 05:49 AM
    toeknee567
    Child Doesn't Live With Custodial Parent
    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: MA. I'm a 30 year old father of a 7 year old. The childs mother and I split up when she was about 2. I know in the beginning its to be expected to have custody issues and visitation problems out of spite. I thought her mother would have relaxed by now. Recently I found out my child isnt even living with her mother anymore. My ex lies about her living arrangements apparently saying they both live with the grand parents. My child recently informed me that " Mommy lives with her boyfriend and has been since before school ended." and " sometimes she tucks me in at night before she goes home" I'm very frustrated. I'm a great father, have one more child of my own 8 mos old and 2 new step children from my recent marriage. I pay child support. If my ex cant be bothered with taking responsibility for her, can I have her full time ? I dont think its right that her grandparents are raising her, when I clearly could be. I have a big house, been at my same job for over 10 years. Child support isnt the issue here, even though it should be going to the grandparents, its the fact that her mother isnt raising her. I would love to have her full time, but the question is, do I have any grounds? There is the typical issues with any spiteful parent I guess. She makes me drop her off a day early, pick up a day late or miss weekends all together because of her own agenda. I get her every other weekend and she still has to chop away at my time. Any advice here? I'm frustrated.
  • 07-24-2012, 06:02 AM
    Dogmatique
    Re: Custody Question. a Dad in Need of Advice
    Do you have any proof at all that Mom is not living with the grandparents?

    (Your 7 year old's word is not going to convince a court)
  • 07-24-2012, 06:23 AM
    toeknee567
    Re: Custody Question. a Dad in Need of Advice
    Quote:

    Quoting Dogmatique
    View Post
    Do you have any proof at all that Mom is not living with the grandparents?

    (Your 7 year old's word is not going to convince a court)

    will a text message from the grandparents work ? I know them very well and don't think they will lie to me like thier daughter. If I can get some sort of proof, what could I do ?
  • 07-24-2012, 07:33 AM
    Dogmatique
    Re: Custody Question. a Dad in Need of Advice
    If you can prove (and no, a text message isn't going to do it) that Mom is NOT living full time with the grandparents and the child, you can absolutely file for a modification based upon that.

    However, if it turns out Mom is living with the grandparents and just sleeping over say 3 nights per week at the boyfriend's place, you have nothing.

    Quick question. How does your 7 year old known what happens after Mom tucks her in? How is that conversation initiated?
  • 07-24-2012, 08:03 AM
    toeknee567
    Re: Custody Question. a Dad in Need of Advice
    Well she was supposed to move with her mother to the boyfriends house, and that involves switching schools. So I asked her if she had moved yet and she said "no, but mom did". I don't pry for information, but I think I have a right to know where my kid lives. She then told me that "sometimes mom tucks me in and waits for me to fall asleep." Obviously waking up in the morning she knows mom went home. 7 seems young, but trust me, she knows whats going on. I've used text messages in court before, why wont they work in this case ? My wife and I got a threat from her ex husband years ago and we were both able to get a restraining order based on that. I should have went to law school I guess, its so confusing. Anyway what kind of proof would I need? I guess I might just be out of luck unless I hire a P.I. or something..
  • 07-24-2012, 08:23 AM
    Dogmatique
    Re: Custody Question. a Dad in Need of Advice
    Here's your problem.

    As soon as you file, Mom is going to do one of two things. She's going to either pick up kiddo and take her to live with the boyfriend, or she'll move back in to the grandparents' house.

    You have no proof, unfortunately, and at 7 your daughter's testimony won't even be considered in all likelihood.

    I'm sorry Dad - I know it's frustrating. But, that's what it is.
  • 07-24-2012, 09:14 AM
    toeknee567
    Re: Custody Question. a Dad in Need of Advice
    Well at least if I file at the very least it will make her smarten up and take care of her own child. Reguardless of the outcome, she needs to be responsible.
  • 07-24-2012, 09:19 AM
    Dogmatique
    Re: Custody Question. a Dad in Need of Advice
    Dad, there's no evidence that she's not being responsible. You're taking the word of a 7 year old as gospel - the courts won't do that, and honestly? Neither should you.

    I DO understand your concerns (truly). But you can't force Mom to be Perfect Mom, nor can you force her to be the parent you wish she'd be.
  • 07-24-2012, 10:18 AM
    toeknee567
    Re: Custody Question. a Dad in Need of Advice
    I realize the court wont listen to a 7 year old, I never said that they would. However she knows if her mother lives in the same house as her. If shes not going to live with our daughter I feel she should live with me. on top of that, im paying child support and not to the people supporting her. I was just trying to find out IF there was anything I can do, but apparently there is not. I think you're right about her doing the 1 of 2 things, which is why I want to file. I can't just sit back and do nothing. Or am I being irrational? Should I not care where she lives and who takes care of her ? I just think I should be second in line to care for her, not the grand parents. I am frustrated, which is why I came here.. for legal advice. It wasnt the answer I was hoping for but such is life.
  • 07-24-2012, 09:01 PM
    Dogmatique
    Re: Custody Question. a Dad in Need of Advice
    The thing is, the court is going to ask you for evidence that Mom isn't living with the child.

    You don't have any. If you bring the issue before the court without proof you're probably going to end up paying Mom's legal fees, too.
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