Is There an Order to Restrict Step Parents from Being Called Mommy or Daddy

Quote:

---

Quoting worriedmommy

---

. The son that is over there used to be my step son and he in fact called me mommy too. When I left it was heart breaking I couldnt have him with me and ex wouldnt let me visit him either, I can only imagine how this made him feel, affecting the rest of his life.

---

Mommy, I was for the most part on the same page with you until I read this. I do agree that calling girlfriend mom is not okay, and that you have every right to your position on that. However, if you once went along with calling yourself mom to a child that was not yours, I could see dad not being very understanding about you being upset over something you yourself once took part in.

Quote:

---

Quoting worriedmommy

---

free9man, yea, isnt that what I just admitted to... I dont think I am overreacting, but I admit there may have been better way to approach the situation. Beat me up all you want Im not perfect but I am willing to learn. And actually the brother at her dads is dad's son by a whole nother woman. This gf of dads is not even his mom. I have one kid from one marrage.

---

So again, I will ask you: How do you expect the boy to refer to his mother? He can't tailor it and expecting him to is unreasonable. I'm not beating you up, just a latecomer to the "trying to get you to think and act reasonably" party.

This is Diss's stepdaughter,
I just wanted to weigh in. Quite honestly, as far as I'm concerned, I have two dads. I was 2 when my mother and father divorced. My mother remarried when I was 4. Forcing a child to not call someone she recognizes as a mother figure would honestly be more damaging to both your relationship with her and her psyche. You would be forcing her to only understand "mother" as the woman who gave birth to her, as opposed to a woman who cares for and loves her. This would also be saying that an adopted child couldn't call their adoptive parents mom and dad then? Also as mentioned before, wouldn't you hope she called your new boyfriend "dad"? You're getting too worked up over a word. What is important is the role and being there for her. Be the bigger person. So what if your ex is saying that stuff? The custody agreement SHOULD say something about either parent speaking ill of the other. If not, you could possibly pursue this if you wished. Your daughter should be allowed to call whoever she wants mom, or mommy though. That is not your choice to decide.

Quote:

---

Quoting free9man

---

So again, I will ask you: How do you expect the boy to refer to his mother? He can't tailor it and expecting him to is unreasonable. I'm not beating you up, just a latecomer to the "trying to get you to think and act reasonably" party.

---

I understand I made that mistake this was over six years ago, and I learned a big lesson from allowing that to happen. I thought that we would both learn a lesson from that, but maybe not, idk havent talked to him yet. But the son over there isn't even my child nor is he the gf child so I have no say what he should call her. But if he was my child he would not be calling dad's gf mom. I am trying to keep an open mind about all of this for the sake of my daughter, but really in the back of my head is...

My ex had his son call me mommy, yes I went along with it ( I did have plans to be there for him just like a mommy), yes it was wrong, and that is one of the reason I have this point of view about my daughter calling the gf mommy. Ex also had son call 3 other woman in his life mommy, none of which was his mother. Ex tells his son that his real mother died which in fact she is still alive. I really think my ex plans on trying to replace me (mommy) with the gf because he feels his gf is a better mother than I am. He is very bitter towards me. Like I have said before I have made my mistakes, God didn't make me perfect, but I am learning from my mistakes. I am very sorry how what ex and I have done has affected his son. But we pick up the peices move on and try something different in the future.

"The boy" can call dads gf whatever he wants, but telling my daughter that gf is also her mommy. He is not saying mom, he is telling her that is her mommy. And I know from experience how they are coaxing her to call her mommy.

Quote:

---

Quoting worriedmommy

---

"The boy" can call dads gf whatever he wants, but telling my daughter that gf is also her mommy. He is not saying mom, he is telling her that is her mommy. And I know from experience how they are coaxing her to call her mommy.

---

You stated that he says "Do you want to talk to mommy?" That is NOT telling her she is her mommy. That is NOT coaxing her to her call mommy. That is a child, that for whatever reason identifies the woman as mommy, calling her mommy. Nothing more, nothing less. He is not going to say "Do you want to talk to Mary?"

So again, quit dodging the question and answer it: How do you expect a child to handle that situation? How should he refer to the person he calls mommy when talking to your sprout?

Quote:

---

Quoting worriedmommy

---

My ex had his son call me mommy, yes I went along with it ( I did have plans to be there for him just like a mommy), yes it was wrong, and that is one of the reason I have this point of view about my daughter calling the gf mommy. Ex also had son call 3 other woman in his life mommy, none of which was his mother. Ex tells his son that his real mother died which in fact she is still alive. I really think my ex plans on trying to replace me (mommy) with the gf because he feels his gf is a better mother than I am. He is very bitter towards me. Like I have said before I have made my mistakes, God didn't make me perfect, but I am learning from my mistakes. I am very sorry how what ex and I have done has affected his son. But we pick up the peices move on and try something different in the future.

---

I do understand your point of view, truly. I am not going to defend dad at all on this. I'm a bit shocked by how many here are doing so. I think what dad is doing is wrong, whether or not his intentions are bad (which I don't know). But I do think that this aspect is just one more thing that's going to make this difficult to fight. You have to consider dad's point of view is going to be less sympathetic to you because of it.

Unfortunately, this is not really a battle that can be fought in a court room. IT IS WRONG, but not something a judge can easily fix. A judge may be willing to add stipulations to your order about it, but the judge cannot control what comes out of his, the gf, and the child's mouth at every moment. This is really something that you'll, for the most part at least, fight yourself by talking to your child. Eventually the child usually develops the right understanding in their mind, but you will have to be supporting that proper understanding in your home.

Quote:

---

Quoting free9man

---

You stated that he says "Do you want to talk to mommy?" That is NOT telling her she is her mommy. That is NOT coaxing her to her call mommy. That is a child, that for whatever reason identifies the woman as mommy, calling her mommy. Nothing more, nothing less. He is not going to say "Do you want to talk to Mary?"

So again, quit dodging the question and answer it: How do you expect a child to handle that situation? How should he refer to the person he calls mommy when talking to your sprout?

---

Actually the boy does not call her mommy he calls her mom, not mommy not mary not mama, he calls her mom. He asked do you want to talk to mommy and then turning around to call her over and shouted mom. Its obvious his natural name to call her is mom not mommy. And to answer your question which is different than before. I don't expect the boy to do anything, the "Parents" over there should of already let it be known that is not the gf's title for me and ex's child.

Thank you FatherWhoWon for you post! It was nice to get some different points of views, but now I am tired. lol Anyway I think I will leave it out of the courts, my daughter and I are in counsling and we will work through this hopefully with the help of ex and his family over there. I will be sure to let ex know I may not be single forever and to put himself in my shoes, the tables could turn.

Quote:

---

Quoting worriedmommy

---

Actually the boy does not call her mommy he calls her mom, not mommy not mary not mama, he calls her mom. He asked do you want to talk to mommy and then turning around to call her over and shouted mom. Its obvious his natural name to call her is mom not mommy. And to answer your question which is different than before. I don't expect the boy to do anything, the "Parents" over there should of already let it be known that is not the gf's title for me and ex's child.

---

The second part was the same, how do you think he should refer to her? I simply asked in the wrong order. Stop being thick. How the bloody hell is him calling her mommy in one instance and mom in another coaxing your daughter? Explain that. Please. So what do you want out of all that garbage? Even if the parents say " She is not Sprout's mom(my)", that will NOT stop him from referring to her in a maternal way. Expecting them to tell a CHILD to refer to his maternal figure by her first name to another CHILD is asinine.

You say you don't want to put your daughter in the middle of it....YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE THAT!

You had a boyfriends son that called you Mommy? And that was ok. But when your child calls dad's girlfriend "mommy" - it is not ok. You're a hypocrite. You could have told the child how you preferred to be addressed.

WorriedMom....having read all your posts....you are setting a bad example for your child. Putting your kid in the middle of everything....your kid is going to grow up walking on eggshells. Watch what I say or Mommy will freak out. If Dad wants to go on vacation, don't tell mom or she'll freak out. If dad gets married and I am asked to participate in the wedding, mom will be freaking out and running to her lawyer.....

What you are doing is actually emotionally abusive to your child.

Seriously.

- - - Updated - - -

I'd like to add.....when a kid gets pulled in two different directions.....eventually, that child will rebel. And it will not be in the direction you want. When your child is older, she can tell the judge "I want to live with my daddy full time" and explain why. And when you tell her "no", she will rebel.......

My son's mother disappeared for almost two years. During that time, I met my wife. At some point, my son asked if he could call my wife "mommy" and we agreed that it was fine, especially since his mother was not around. My ex reappeared and is back in my son's life every other weekend, but my son still calls both of them mom/mommy. My ex doesn't like it one bit, but the way we see it is that my son has two moms and that's okay. He knows which one is his "real" mom. But my wife does the day-to-day mom stuff and I think he truly does see her as a mother figure.

I know this is a different scenario but my point is that it's better for the child if you can manage to put your jealousy aside. It does no one any good to make issues of these kinds of things. It causes drama between the parents, between the parents and their new partners, and between the parents and the child(ren). My advice to you: choose your battles.

Best of luck.