Do I Have a Case for Custody

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Alabama

I have a bit of a unique situation. My wife and I are separated, but still, technically, living in the same house. This living situation is mostly because my wife does not work (can't hold a job for very long) and this way she has a place to live, and I can insure that the children are taken care of. Unfortunately, we're getting closer to divorce, and she is going to be moving in with her parents, when the time comes. The living conditions there are not the best. We have two daughters, age seven, and if she moves to her parents' house with them the three of them will have to share a bedroom...or, at the very least, someone will be sleeping in the living room. Not only that, but the house is set up in a way, that the second bedroom also serves as an entry way to the main bedroom...so there's no privacy. The house is in a bad neighborhood, there are at least five known sex offenders within a few blocks, a drug dealer living across the street, and several other criminal types as well. Living there, my children would be exposed to things they've never had to see before. My wife's stepmother is an alcoholic and on several different prescription narcotics, she has a tendency to get mean and hateful with people when she's drinking. Financially, they wouldn't be able to support the children. My wife cannot hold a job for more than a few months at a time (she's currently unemployed). And it's not the best of school systems...which is a big issue for me, because one of our daughters is in special education classes and needs extra help.

Another issue, going back to the neighborhood, is people that my wife has been associating with, lately. She spends every weekend at her parents' house already, and has become friends with some folks that I'm not comfortable having my children around. She's become very close with a man that was recently released from jail for drug possession, and has been spending a lot of time with him and his friends.

If my children stay with me, they stay in the only home they've ever known...with their own bedroom. Continue going to the same school, which is one of the best in our district. And they aren't exposed to the kind of people they would be in my wife's care. I have no problem holding a job, so financially, I can continue to support my children in the same way I have been since they were born.

What do you all think, do I have a good case for custody?

Who gets the kids ready for school in the moring?
Who is with them after school?
Who puts them to bed?

Is she really gone all weekend? Meaning, for those 48/72 hours she does not see the kids and you do 100% of the parenting?

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Quoting PQN

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Who gets the kids ready for school in the moring?
Who is with them after school?
Who puts them to bed?

Is she really gone all weekend? Meaning, for those 48/72 hours she does not see the kids and you do 100% of the parenting?

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She is the one that gets them ready for school...and currently she's with them after school, until I get home from work. As far as putting them to bed we've both pretty much always done that.

She takes the kids with her every other weekend to her dad's house. On the weekends she takes them, they leave right after she picks them up from school, and sometimes, like last night, it's 8 or 9 pm on Sunday before they get home...which bugs me, but I don't think that's a legal issue...on the weekends she goes by herself she leaves after dropping them off at school, then either I or my mother (if I'm working) picks them up...and we won't see her and often times won't talk to her until sometime on Sunday night.

And, just to clarify, the only reason she's with them in the afternoons is because she's not working. When she was working, my stepfather or I would be the ones picking them up and I usually did their homework with them and such.

What kind of custody are you looking for? What kind of custody is your wife looking for?

Your soon to be ex-wife's inability to maintain a job is irrelavent.

Your wife can maintain primary physical custody of the kids, continuing to live in the home, while you move out? You'd pay child support and alimony.

You could can maintain primarly physical custody of the kids, continuing to live in the home, while your moved out? You could also make arraingements that she stay in the home during her visitation while you stayed elsewhere. This would solve the problem you perceive regarding the texture of the neighborhood your in-laws live in. Unless your wife were allowing the sex offenders access to your children, that is irrelavent. Unless your wife takes your children to the drug dealers house, that is irrelavent. What is relevant is the felon she may be dating, and the alcholic MIL.

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Quoting NYI310

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What kind of custody are you looking for? What kind of custody is your wife looking for?

Your soon to be ex-wife's inability to maintain a job is irrelavent.

Your wife can maintain primary physical custody of the kids, continuing to live in the home, while you move out? You'd pay child support and alimony.

You could can maintain primarly physical custody of the kids, continuing to live in the home, while your moved out? You could also make arraingements that she stay in the home during her visitation while you stayed elsewhere. This would solve the problem you perceive regarding the texture of the neighborhood your in-laws live in. Unless your wife were allowing the sex offenders access to your children, that is irrelavent. Unless your wife takes your children to the drug dealers house, that is irrelavent. What is relevant is the felon she may be dating, and the alcholic MIL.

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To be honest, I don't know what my wife wants. When I try to talk to her about it I can never get a straight answer. I do know that she doesn't want to keep me from the children, and I don't want to keep her away from them either. Mostly, I want to have physical custody of the kids, so their entire world isn't turned upside down by the divorce...having to move into this neighborhood, living with their alcoholic "grandmother" and changing schools.

As far as me moving out and her staying here, that's not really an option, because my mother owns the house we live in.

You will need to retain an attorney in your area and he/she will have a better idea of how the courts work. Your best option is to negotiate with mom and come to an agreement between the two of you and file it with your divorce paperwork so that it becomes a court order.

How far away is mom moving?

Out of curiosity, why is her inability to hold a job irrelevant? I make less than 35k a year, so the amount I'd be giving her in child support wouldn't be enough to pay the rent in most places...yet alone utilities...I know she can get on food stamps for groceries...but it seems like that would be a major issue.

I've already told her that if I get custody of the kids I won't be asking her for child support.

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Quoting PQN

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You will need to retain an attorney in your area and he/she will have a better idea of how the courts work. Your best option is to negotiate with mom and come to an agreement between the two of you and file it with your divorce paperwork so that it becomes a court order.

How far away is mom moving?

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She'll be moving about 40 miles away.

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Quoting jamcclure

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To be honest, I don't know what my wife wants. When I try to talk to her about it I can never get a straight answer. I do know that she doesn't want to keep me from the children, and I don't want to keep her away from them either. Mostly, I want to have physical custody of the kids, so their entire world isn't turned upside down by the divorce...having to move into this neighborhood, living with their alcoholic "grandmother" and changing schools.

As far as me moving out and her staying here, that's not really an option, because my mother owns the house we live in.

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It sounds that you both want to do what's best and you both want the children. I think your best option is to come to court looking like the more reasonable parent, looking to make concessions for the sake of the children's stability and well being.

Neither of you would come up short trying to get 50/50 custody. I would think that keeping them in the same school, so close to the end of the term would work in your favor. If your parents also live in the home, then that helps make the case for stability.

If there are any police reports or documented incidents regarding your MIL's alcoholism would help your case. You just saying such makes you sound petty. If your kids are old enough to testify to seeing her drinking frequently, that may also help.

In any case, you are more likely to prevail if you can present a fair and equitable child sharing agreement, one that supports your claim of wanting to allow equal access. For example, your wife gets the children every other weekend. You alternate holidays and children’s birthday, changing every year. Your wife also gets to take the kids for dinner 2 nights a week. You get father’s day and your birthday, she get’s mother’s day and her birthday... something along those lines. The more adaptable and accommodating your proposal, the more favorably it reflects on you.

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Quoting NYI310

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It sounds that you both want to do what's best and you both want the children. I think your best option is to come to court looking like the more reasonable parent, looking to make concessions for the sake of the children's stability and well being.

Neither of you would come up short trying to get 50/50 custody. I would think that keeping them in the same school, so close to the end of the term would work in your favor. If your parents also live in the home, then that helps make the case for stability.

If there are any police reports or documented incidents regarding your MIL's alcoholism would help your case. You just saying such makes you sound petty. If your kids are old enough to testify to seeing her drinking frequently, that may also help.

In any case, you are more likely to prevail if you can present a fair and equitable child sharing agreement, one that supports your claim of wanting to allow equal access. For example, your wife gets the children every other weekend. You alternate holidays and children’s birthday, changing every year. Your wife also gets to take the kids for dinner 2 nights a week. You get father’s day and your birthday, she get’s mother’s day and her birthday... something along those lines. The more adaptable and accommodating your proposal, the more favorably it reflects on you.

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Gotcha. Yeah, I understand that it sounds petty without documented proof. I've already told my wife that if I get custody I'm not going to try and keep her from them. That anytime she wants to come over and see them, all she has to do is call and make sure we're home. Or call and say she wants to be the one to pick them up from school. She has her problems, but for the most part, she's been a good mother, and I really don't want to do anything to hurt that relationship they have with each other.

I appreciate your help.

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Quoting jamcclure

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Out of curiosity, why is her inability to hold a job irrelevant? I make less than 35k a year, so the amount I'd be giving her in child support wouldn't be enough to pay the rent in most places...yet alone utilities...I know she can get on food stamps for groceries...but it seems like that would be a major issue.

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Because she's been unemployed for most of the time you've been together. In the eyes of the courts she has been a full time stay at home home. If you try to insinuate that her unemployment makes her in anyway unfit, the court and will find it offensive. I understand your feelings, but the court accomodates the unemployment with child support and alimony. This will allow her to remain a stay at home mom. A life-style she and your children have become accustomed too. And the courts will want to keep her and your children living in the life-style they've become accustomed too.

Being on food stamps is not an issue for the courts. That shows the courts that your wife will be able to feed the children. They don't care where the money comes from.

Do your parents live in the home with you? If yes, then that is no different then her and the kids living with her parents. The smaller home wouldn't really affect the custody situation either.

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Quoting NYI310

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Because she's been unemployed for most of the time you've been together. In the eyes of the courts she has been a full time stay at home home. If you try to insinuate that her unemployment makes her in anyway unfit, the court and will find it offensive. I understand your feelings, but the court accomodates the unemployment with child support and alimony. This will allow her to remain a stay at home mom. A life-style she and your children have become accustomed too. And the courts will want to keep her and your children living in the life-style they've become accustomed too.

Being on food stamps is not an issue for the courts. That shows the courts that your wife will be able to feed the children. They don't care where the money comes from.

Do your parents live in the home with you? If yes, then that is no different then her and the kids living with her parents. The smaller home wouldn't really affect the custody situation either.

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We live in a basement apartment...well, I'm living upstairs now since all of this started. But, yes, my mother and stepfather live in the house. I would have thought the smaller home would have been an issue due to the privacy and the fact that they'll either have to share a bed with my wife or sleep on the couch. Guess that's why I'm not an attorney. lol

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Quoting jamcclure

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We live in a basement apartment...well, I'm living upstairs now since all of this started. But, yes, my mother and stepfather live in the house. I would have thought the smaller home would have been an issue due to the privacy and the fact that they'll either have to share a bed with my wife or sleep on the couch. Guess that's why I'm not an attorney. lol

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Yeah, but they can always say the kids will be given the master bedroom, mother will take the second room and grandma sleeps in living room.

I think your current arrangement seems to work, if you can show that only changing your wifes residence will not affect her time with the kids or the schedule they are already on, I don't see that you'd have a problem.

You can show that the neighbor hood is not as safe and that the school is not as good. But I wouldn't hang my hat on that. It's worth noting, but not pursuing. It's better to pursue the benefits of the children remaining with you.

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Quoting NYI310

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Yeah, but they can always say the kids will be given the master bedroom, mother will take the second room and grandma sleeps in living room.

I think your current arrangement seems to work, if you can show that only changing your wifes residence will not affect her time with the kids or the schedule they are already on, I don't see that you'd have a problem.

You can show that the neighbor hood is not as safe and that the school is not as good. But I wouldn't hang my hat on that. It's worth noting, but not pursuing. It's better to pursue the benefits of the children remaining with you.

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That makes sense. Thanks.

I think you may have an ideal solution. In the agreement stipulate that the parents have joint legal custody with joint physical custody with overnights as follows (60% dad/40% mom). Each parent is to support the child on their time. Dad is providing lodging for 52 of Mom's overnights and Dad will cover children's basic clothing, school fees and reasonable medical costs. No additional child support is ordered.

On 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends (defined by Friday's date) Mom takes the kids to her parents from Friday after school until Monday when she drops them off at school (keep them in the same school).

Every week, mom comes over after school on Wednesdays and stays overnight in the apartment and gets the girls off to school on Thursday mornings. You can sleep upstairs that night.

Holidays...mom gets every Presidents' Day, Columbus Day and Veterans Day from Sunday at 6pm until Tuesday when school starts.

Even years, mom gets (dad gets in odd years)
*Spring Break (from the time school ends until she returns the kids to school when it resumes)
*4th of July (from 9am on July 4th until you get off work on July 5th or Noon if you are not working)
*Thanksgiving (from 9am to 9pm)
*second half of Winter break, to start no earlier than Dec 26th at 9am and end with the kids return to school)

Odd years, mom gets (dad gets in even years)
*Labor Day weekend from Friday after school until Tuesdays return to school
*Memorial Day weekend from Friday after school until Tuesdays return to schol
*first half of Winter break, to include Dec 25th

All school holidays not previously addressed will belong to the parent with whom the children are schedule to be with that night.

Holiday time overrides regular parenting time and does not require make-up time.

Right of first refusal....any time that the child will be with a paid or non-relative caregiver (including step-parents) for more than 4 hours, shall first be offered to the other parent.

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Quoting PQN

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I think you may have an ideal solution. In the agreement stipulate that the parents have joint legal custody with joint physical custody with overnights as follows (60% dad/40% mom). Each parent is to support the child on their time. Dad is providing lodging for 52 of Mom's overnights and Dad will cover children's basic clothing, school fees and reasonable medical costs. No additional child support is ordered.

On 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends (defined by Friday's date) Mom takes the kids to her parents from Friday after school until Monday when she drops them off at school (keep them in the same school).

Every week, mom comes over after school on Wednesdays and stays overnight in the apartment and gets the girls off to school on Thursday mornings. You can sleep upstairs that night.

Holidays...mom gets every Presidents' Day, Columbus Day and Veterans Day from Sunday at 6pm until Tuesday when school starts.

Even years, mom gets (dad gets in odd years)
*Spring Break (from the time school ends until she returns the kids to school when it resumes)
*4th of July (from 9am on July 4th until you get off work on July 5th or Noon if you are not working)
*Thanksgiving (from 9am to 9pm)
*second half of Winter break, to start no earlier than Dec 26th at 9am and end with the kids return to school)

Odd years, mom gets (dad gets in even years)
*Labor Day weekend from Friday after school until Tuesdays return to school
*Memorial Day weekend from Friday after school until Tuesdays return to schol
*first half of Winter break, to include Dec 25th

All school holidays not previously addressed will belong to the parent with whom the children are schedule to be with that night.

Holiday time overrides regular parenting time and does not require make-up time.

Right of first refusal....any time that the child will be with a paid or non-relative caregiver (including step-parents) for more than 4 hours, shall first be offered to the other parent.

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That sounds like a great solution. Thanks. Hopefully my wife will be cooperative. I'd like to keep this out of court if possible.