Distance Effect on Visitation

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: North Carolina

My husband and his ex-wife have been divorced for several years. Their last parenting agreement was put into place when their child was 2. When he was single and lived in town they had no problems. In fact, he had the child more than agreed upon by their parenting agreement.

After he met me 2 years ago and decided to move on with his life, his ex has since become impossible to deal with. We got married and he moved to the town that I live in (approximately 60 miles away from where he previously lived) and now his ex claims that the distance is too far for the child and "disruptive" to her schedule.

Keep in mind that they lived in a very large city (opposite sides). It would take him 45 minutes to an hour to take his child to school when he lived in town due to high traffic conditions. Now that he moved it takes approximately one hour for my husband to take his daughter home on monday mornings after weekend visits. The large majority of the travel is highway miles.

They are soon to return to court for modification of visitation because he wants to see his daughter more. She is trying to prevent that by claiming that he lives to far away. We feel that she is trying to limit visitation to keep him on schedule A and get her $900 a month child support. What is the distance that the court deems to be a reasonable amount? If the court does declare that the distance is too great, can he use the mileage to help reduce his child support?

What was the original parenting time? What does he want to change?

No, he can't (and shouldn't - HE created the distance) use mileage to reduce child support.

Per their original agreement, he was only allowed a few hours on Wednesday night of each week and 8 hours on Saturday. No overnights. Again, this agreement was entered when she was two. She is now nine.

For the past 2+ years he has been picking her up on Saturdays at 11 and returning her to school/home on Monday mornings at 7:30a.m.

He is now seeking 1/2 of vacation time (spring, winter, and summer) AND....
Odd weekends (Friday at 6 to Monday at 7:30) and 1 night per week of the week he doesn't have her on the weekend

OR

Every weekend except the first weekend of the month (which is what they are currently practicing) from Friday at 6 to Monday at 7:30.

Yes, he did create the distance and has no problem with the distance. She does! If the distance is an issue to HER and is her motive for not allowing him to see the child, why then should he not be allowed to use it to reduce his child support since she is using it to limit his visitation...hence putting him on schedule A and causing him to pay more child support

Quote:

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Quoting 95reddevils

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Per their original agreement, he was only allowed a few hours on Wednesday night of each week and 8 hours on Saturday. No overnights. Again, this agreement was entered when she was two. She is now nine.

For the past 2+ years he has been picking her up on Saturdays at 11 and returning her to school/home on Monday mornings at 7:30a.m.

He is now seeking 1/2 of vacation time (spring, winter, and summer) AND....
Odd weekends (Friday at 6 to Monday at 7:30) and 1 night per week of the week he doesn't have her on the weekend

OR

Every weekend except the first weekend of the month (which is what they are currently practicing) from Friday at 6 to Monday at 7:30.

Yes, he did create the distance and has no problem with the distance. She does! If the distance is an issue to HER and is her motive for not allowing him to see the child, why then should he not be allowed to use it to reduce his child support since she is using it to limit his visitation...hence putting him on schedule A and causing him to pay more child support

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First off to say he needed to move on with his life is awful, his child should be his life.

The distance is an issue when it comes to a nine year old, she has a life as well. Its best to keep a basic schedule so she can be involved in things. You will be looking at every other weekend and alternating holidays, probably 42 days in the summer. His child support should not be a motive for anything, reducing it because she is limitating time is selfish. The child still needs support regardless of the mother being a pain or not.

Dear asulover,
I said he moved on from his ex wife, not his child. She is still very much a part of his life. He wants to see her more! She won't allow it. It was unfair for you to jump to that conclusion and make such as statement.
How is the distance an issue for a nine year old? Her life is her family. She tells her father every weekend how much she misses him. She is still allowed to participate in all of her extra activities. He makes sure he does his part to assure this happens (even when the mother is inconsiderate and schedules activities during his visitation time without prior consent). The only person who has a child support motive is the MOTHER. He pays and has always paid his CS. At times more than he was ordered. In addition to extras above and beyond CS. Your right....limiting visitation is selfish!
P.S. In the future, unless you are able to answer my original question, please limit your replies. Unless you have some type of professional experience (attorney, mediation counselor, etc) Thank you.

Oh...then you're not going to get many replies.


I think there are two..maybe three? Attorneys who post here and only one posts on family law and even less employees of the court system who do so. One California Court Clerk posts from time to time, but not with any regularity lately.

If you'd like to pay for legal counsel, of course you're welcome to do so.

Dear Dogmatique,

Thank you for such wise advice.

FYI, we hired a lawyer months ago. A quite expensive one at that.

From time to time we have questions.And because our attorney is busy with other clients or in court we may not always be able to receive the answers to our questions until much later in the week.

By using this forum I was hoping to be able to speak with those who had working knowledge of the system (either as an attorney, mediator, etc or by someone who has recently experienced a similar situation.)

Unfortunately, that's not what I'm getting so far from this forum. To date I've only received comments that are presumptious and condescending.

Again, if anyone can answer my original question. I would greatly appreciate it.

Thanks for your time.

Quote:

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Quoting 95reddevils

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My question involves a child custody case from the State of: North Carolina

My husband and his ex-wife have been divorced for several years. Their last parenting agreement was put into place when their child was 2. When he was single and lived in town they had no problems. In fact, he had the child more than agreed upon by their parenting agreement.

After he met me 2 years ago and decided to move on with his life, his ex has since become impossible to deal with. We got married and he moved to the town that I live in (approximately 60 miles away from where he previously lived) and now his ex claims that the distance is too far for the child and "disruptive" to her schedule.

Keep in mind that they lived in a very large city (opposite sides). It would take him 45 minutes to an hour to take his child to school when he lived in town due to high traffic conditions. Now that he moved it takes approximately one hour for my husband to take his daughter home on monday mornings after weekend visits. The large majority of the travel is highway miles.

They are soon to return to court for modification of visitation because he wants to see his daughter more. She is trying to prevent that by claiming that he lives to far away. We feel that she is trying to limit visitation to keep him on schedule A and get her $900 a month child support. What is the distance that the court deems to be a reasonable amount? If the court does declare that the distance is too great, can he use the mileage to help reduce his child support?

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60 miles in many courts is to far to do many school days in a month. The courts think of what is best for the child, and like to give just weekend visits with pick up on Fri evening and return on Sun evening. It's a lot for a child to get up early and then have a long drive to school, often tends to make for tired children during school hours. Usually in order for the courts to give a parent extra school days, they need to live in the same community or the neighboring communities. Understand no one can tell you the exact answer, every court is different, every Judge is different, even Judges who are in the same court system often rule different. We can only tell you what seems to be the likely case based on what most Judges seem to order.

No it is unlikely that the court will give your husband a break on child support to cover his cost of travel. He MOVED, he made the distance and that is his burden, not the child's nor the child's other parent. Your husband had a choice and he chose to move, you could have moved when you married him to his town, so he would be near his child. But you guys made a decision to live where you do, and that is most likely going to have him paying for all the costs surrounding his parenting time with his child. Again this is just what most Judges seem to order.

Standard parenting time is usually every other weekend, from Fri evening to Sun evening, one weeknight(usually 2 or 3 hours), every other holiday break, and time in the summer(varies depends on the circumstances). 60 miles is usually not considered long distance, but not close enough to get extra time that involves taking a child to school. He can at 60 mile distance do the every other weekend and he can do a weeknight visit, but he would most likely have to spend that time in the childs community, as it is to far to drive back to his house and then take the child back home in that short of time. Often the parent will go to the childs community and have dinner out with the child or in nice weather go to a park or something similar.

Personally if this was my case, dad would not even be getting 3 weekends a month, mom has the right to free time with the child to. The mon through fri time that mom has, the child is in school, and mom may work, so her free time with the child is basically the same as dads, weekends, holidays, summer vacation.

You got answers from the others, you just didn't like those answers. In your post you make it clear to the posters here, that your concern here is not about the child, but about MONEY. So perhaps before attacking people who took time out to give you some answers and you should reread your post and see how it sounds. I doubt you will like my answers either, but that is how you came off in your post, you want more time with the child, so you can lower the support your husband pays or have mom pay for transporting of the child, when dad created the distance by moving in with you, in your town. Dad made a choice and sorry you and dad don't like that choice has now affected his time with his child.

Dear Gam,
Thank you for your reply. It was by far the most intelligent reply I've received. Your're right, I didn't like the answers that I received from others because they were nasty. Accusing my husband of not including the child in his new life is a very ugly thing to do. My husband gets the child every opportunity that is given to him. As far as the MONEY goes, he has always paid his child support and paid it on time. He has even paid more than what was ordered. He doesn't want more time with the child so he can lower his child support, he wants more time with the child because he wants to be a part of her life. We feel that the mother is keeping the child from him so she can get more child support. He is due 1/2 of the childs vacation time but the mother will have no part of it. As far as the weekends go, we agree with you that they should alternate weekends. Again, something that we suggested but she will have no part of. As far as the break of child support goes for travel, my husband has always picked up and returned the child home every visit and has never asked for compensenation. It's worth it for him to be able to see his child. He has even offered to get the child one night during the school week every other week and stay at his parents home with her. They live in her community and have 2 extra bedrooms in their home. Again, she will have no part of it. Granted, it may be a 60 mile difference, but the actual drive time is only 10 minutes longer. She usually sleeps the majority of the way and the travel has had no affect on her grades. She is an A student.
Thanks for your reply. I guess we'll just have to wait and see how it goes.

Not sure if it's standard but my agreement from MN states that the dad has to live 30 miles or closer to be given a "regular" visitation schedule. More than that, he is given "long distance" visitation. I have to echo everyone else's reply regarding mileage affecting child support; child support pays for the child's needs and child's needs have not changed in this scenario.

On the upside, long distance visitation usually includes longer summer visits.